Trapped by Emotions

Femme Fatale

Just as two months had passed as Rosalie and I were working and our second year of college was soon coming to an end, we had saved enough money to rent an apartment for our temporary stay. Along with our salary which we were spending on our rent and all the bills that we had to pay (and of course, we were buying all the personal necessities), our parents also helped us with getting along to our new life, but we were actually doing great on ourselves too. Sometimes, I also thought about marrying Rosalie or let's say fantasizing, it would probably be a better expression, because we were really a great couple, but of course, I realized that we were still young teenagers attending college and I was worried if Rosalie was hiding something from me, and I was actually afraid that maybe she would hurt me one day. Furthermore, we did have a lot of fights lately.

          One day, I got a call from Freddy, he invited me for a coffee since we hadn't seen each other for a while and I had a day off, but since I already told Tony that we would meet that afternoon at the bar, I asked Freddy if it was ok for Tony to come with us, he said that it was alright, just as I expected. I told Rosalie that I would go to coffee with Tony and Freddy and she said that it was alright, that she would also go to coffee with some of her friends from college. I guess that it was ok, even though I was confused once again since she had really changed, she was more out than home, she was going out even at the times when I was ill, but I couldn't say anything since she wasn't drinking and she was with people that I «know» (I hadn't been sure if that was the truth). Just before we left house, Rosalie and I had sex, kissed and then we went out, I was heading to meet with Freddy and Tony and she went the other way to meet with whoever she was supposed to meet with. As I came to the bar, Freddy was sitting there, smoking a cigar and Tony was late as usual, I ordered a beer for a change, since I had it with coffee, I think I drank more coffee than water in my life – I said laughing. Freddy and I were chatting for half an hour, I enjoyed chatting with him since he seemed really smart and we had a lot in common. Then Tony came, he said he was at the betting and got really nervous since he lost. He also apologized for being late and asked us if we could pay him a drink, but at least he had his own cigars and I decided to pay him a beer. After some time had passed, Tony asked me where Rosalie was heading. I told him she was going to coffee with some of her friends from college, he got confused as I answered his question and told me that he saw her with Tom and that they were heading to Trixie's apartment. When I heard that, it was as if the rock hit me in the head, darkness raised in my eyes and my heart was burning with fury. At that moment, it was as if I didn't love her at all anymore, what was she thinking? That stupid girl... - I muttered. Freddy and Tony were watching me confused as I stood there shaking and shocked and asked me if I was alright. I told them that I was never better, I ordered a new round, but it was neither beer, nor coffee, I ordered a bottle of whisky – Johnny. Freddy tried to calm me down since he probably realized what was going on, he told me that he thought that I knew that she was ok with Trixie since they had been hanging out for a long time, actually, they never stopped, but that even he didn't know that she had reconciled with Tom. I was feeling even worse then, I started drinking without glasses, I just leaned the bottle towards my mouth. Tony was confused with the situation, but he didn't care as long as whisky stood there on the table. Some time had passed and I got drunk, I payed the bill and Freddy helped me get to my apartment and Tony went home since his house was close to the bar. As I entered my apartment, I thanked Freddy and asked him if he wanted to stay, he said that it was alright, but that he needed to return home. Then I saw Rosalie sleeping on the couch in the living room, I immediately started packing myself up, she woke up in the meantime and asked me hysterically what was wrong. I told her that she knew very well what was wrong and told her all about Tom, Trixie and her. She started crying and begged me for mercy, but I decided to leave her and told her to fuck off. She was apologizing to me through tears and told me that she tried to tell me a lot of times and explain to me that Trixie was her friend and she couldn't give her up so easily and then she reconciled with Tom, just so she could normally visit Trixie. She knew that she was wrong and that she couldn't stop me and I then I said: «Enjoy your life and think about your behaviour, you are so pathetic, you stupid little girl, that bitch you call a friend has been manipulating your life and not only that is the reason why I am leaving. You said it yourself that you couldn't stand our fights anymore, well neither can I, I am breaking up with you, goodbye and good luck in your life, you'll need it...» - Right after I finished my sentence, she screamed my name through tears, but then the door shut and I headed home, back to my parents and told them about my fight with Rosalie. They told me that they expected that to happen sooner or later and didn't really care for my problems since they tried to warn me a lot of times, but since I always considered myself «grown up», they let me handle my problems myself. Rosalie wasn't on facebook that evening, I didn't care where she was, nor what she was doing. I wanted to block her, so that I delete her completely from my life, but something didn't let me do it, as if something stopped me. I felt rage and despair at the same time. I had never felt like this before, I didn't know why...