delirious ↠ g.d.

F I F T Y - S I X

100 votes? thanks guys ♡︎

I sit down on the chair, heaving a sigh as I press the phone harder against my ear. I close my eyes for a few seconds.

"H-how have you been? We haven't talked in... months!" I can't tell if he's happy or sad.

I open my eyes softly.

"I've been better... What about you?" I look down and pick at my nails. He sighs at the other end of the call.

"I've spent the last few months trying to reach out to you and filling you in about what's going on in my life. The least you could do is tell me how you really feel."

I fall back in my chair, tears stinging my eyes.

"I've been doing horrible, Grayson. There, said!" I raise my voice, cracking it at the last word. I bite my bottom lip harshly before continuing.

"I cut myself, all over my fucking arm! I cut my hair off because of my fucking mental break down! I took so many drugs I can't recall the name! I slept with so many strangers I completely lost my sanity! But do you know what I also lost?"

He sobs.

"Me."

A tear falls down my cheek.

"I am so damn lost Grayson I have no fucking idea who I am anymore... All I know is that I'm not the same girl you fell in love with. She's gone. Forever..." I whisper through the silent sobs. He stays speechless.

"There's something else you should know. I..." I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, sobs cutting hitching them by here, by there.

"I lost the child, Gray..."

Silence settles in. I lean forward in my chair and press a fist against my mouth. I squeeze my eyes shut and a tear falls down my cheek.

"Y-you lost... the baby?" he sniffles and his breathing increases.

I nod, bitting my bottom lip, even though I know he can't see me.

"Fucking hell..." he mumbles under his breath before I hear a loud noise, something crashing on the ground, at the other end of the line.

"Grayson...?" I sob. I take the phone away from my ear only to find out that he hung up.

I let my phone slip out of my fingers. I run both of my hands through my hair, pressing my arms against each side of my head.

And I cry.

Oh god I cry... like I've never done before.

He's never going to forgive me for what I've done. I've been so irresponsible, doing so many bad things without realizing the consequences.

I lost her...

-

"And there you have your baby!" the doctor cheers as he points at the black and white screen. I smile from ear to ear.

"We can see the heart righttt... here." his finger trails down to the baby's heart, beating at a steady pace.

"Would you like to know the gender?" he turns to me and I nod, a smile stamped on my lips.

"It's a little girl!"

-

My phone vibrates on the ground and I snap my head up, tears still rolling down my cheeks like a waterfall. I snatch it in my hands and glare at the screen.