OXYGEN

28 - Before I Die

Before I Die:

1. Make a friend in three different places
2. Take pictures of things/people you love
3. Meet a poet
4. Make a stranger smile
5. Look in the mirror and don't be mad
6. Forgive the past
7. Forgive yourself
8. Buy a cake and candles and celebrate you still being alive (not on a birthday)
9. Build a better relationship with your grandfather
10. Be happy

I stared at what I wrote, deep in thought. Instead of hobbies, I put down goals. I wasn't going to learn how to knit or play the drums, but at least, I was still going to spend my days wiser.

Some of the goals were clearly influenced by Forrest while others had been in my mind for quite a long time now. I wondered which one to try out first and settled on #2.

I got up and folded the sheet of paper. After tucking it into my pocket, I got a hold of my phone and left my room. Walking down the stairs, I entered the living room and came across my grandfather on the couch. He was reading, apparently sober.

"Uh, hey," I headed towards the door, "I'm going out for a while."

"All right," he muttered, not even glancing up. I almost wanted to turn around and say is that all you have to say? but I didn't need to because I already knew. He didn't ask questions and he didn't give any demands like call me every now and then and don't do anything stupid. One could argue that it was because he trusted me, but then again, I knew it was because he - quite frankly - just didn't care.

Normally, I wouldn't say anything else, but because of Goal #9, I asked, "Do you need anything? I can stop by the store if you want." I left my hand on the knob, not turning it yet.

He finally met my eyes with his distant ones. With his skin wrinkled and his hair grey, he looked extremely fragile. But in this case, looks were deceiving. "Some beer would be great," he let out, his voice gravelly and sardonic, "And if you could please buy some time since you keep wasting mine, I would appreciate it, dear." Quickly, his tone changed. "Come on, June, I'm trying to read. If I needed anything, I would have told you. Now, get out."

I stared at him, almost dumbfounded. My blood - I could feel it boiling. I bit my tongue to refrain from saying something I would later regret, but the urge to scream was overwhelming. This wasn't the first time he said something insensitive, but it seemed like he was resentful towards every little thing now. I tried to not let it get to me, but I couldn't deny how miserable he was. I didn't understand how someone as old as him could be so snippy, but whatever. My patience was nearly nonexistent by the time I opened the door.

And it took all I had not to slam it behind me.

Minutes later, I managed to push away my indignation and focused on what I wanted to do. Turning on the camera in my phone, I started to walk. I usually wasn't one to take pictures of anything, really, but Forrest had been so keen on it so why not try it out? I could practically hear him exclaiming memories.

It was an uncomplicated day. There were a few kids riding their bikes and someone was out washing their car. I didn't know any of them personally, which was a shame. I was a bit tempted to wave and give a greeting.

I continued on my way, going down a familiar route. Not too far away were the woods.

As I went down the sidewalk, I stole a few shots of the sky. Unable to deny it, I had this large fascination with clouds. The way they drifted and stretched out, like white haze across a blue canvas, was so striking. A part of me believed they were severely underrated. I tried to capture the beauty of it, but my camera could only do so much.

Several minutes later, I reached the border of the forest. I took a quick glance around before treading in. As I expected, I was alone.

I sucked in a breath, feeling the crisp air enter my lungs. Tall, weathered trees towered over me and sunlight kissed the ground in sharp, thin streaks. I stepped on shriveled-up leaves and rotting twigs, cracking beneath my feet. Off in the distance, birds sang their song and the wind whistled. A wave of calm glided over me.

I stayed away from the direction leading to the lake. It would be strange to gaze over the place my lifeless body was supposed to be in right now. In a way, I was a bit repentant. So instead, I remained in the midst of the ragged trees and took pictures. Like clouds, I held a certain appreciation for the woods. With it being so grand and high, it was a perfect place to get lost in and ignore the rest of the world.

After taking about ten photos, I wondered what else I loved enough to capture on camera. I didn't have a very long list. I was a simple person with a small heart; I wasn't one to fall for just anything or anyone.

Deciding to take a break, I shut off my phone and walked back towards the road, away from the forest.

I made sure to look both ways before crossing.