DOUBT

Introduction

Past in the Present.

||Change never let's go of its stillness, it perpetual, its nature is to be endless.||

Entry 478.

Jan- 17th-2015

Presentism, a word that says present is the only thing that exists rest- future and past are just imaginary fabrications that do not exist anymore, not until you don't reopen these books. I have two theories about this term, either it's not true because we all still suffer our past or maybe we never got our closure.

You know when you grow up without thinking about the future. What it will be like? How will it be? No, you just live, to its fullest. The most prominent problems that you endure at that time must be somewhere between school, exams, games, and other bantam stuff similar to them. Well, those are the moments in your life, that one needs to truly be happy about, truly cherish.

Childhood, itself is the best part of one's life because there is no importance to 'what will I do if this happens or that happens?' As we grow older, more mature as we like to put it, we understand the world and its tactics. We get lost in the complications which have already been designed for us.

But the real question was, when is your disintegration?

The answer is pretty simple, the first act of evil. When you are a kid, you start with hiding things which are small out of fear but as you grow older, you might not understand how or really when but you're hiding concepts that develop into your lying abilities as well.

Sometimes I presume about if our elders, were they like us? Can our elders be wrong like us? Was it possible that they have also gone through the same issues and that if it is just a cycle that repeats it's self with every generation that it comes across within the name of variation because our elders, they always like to have an upper hand on us, one way or another by common passing statements such as we have seen worse, we had problems too or you have seen nothing, it was two times harder in our household.

Having problems and making mistakes should not be considered as an embarrassing act, after all, we all are humans, we are bounded to make mistakes. Then why are we scolded like we are the reason that the angel of death will be coming sooner from its designated time? Why cannot we be the knight and shining armor of our own existence that fells only to stand back up again?

It's life, I suppose but then there is another thing about life.

Life has its own twists and turns, a motion of countless possibilities in which every emotion comes in front of you. I would have disagreed a little but everything changes when you meet the right opportunity or in my case the right person. I felt this way for the first time when I met him, he was that possibility, my possibility.

Yet there were other people too with some unwanted canny moments as well that shaped me into who I am today. My strength after the regret is mine. My good days after bad days are mine. My hope after the dark night is mine and I have all of this because I suffered.

My name means the one who gives honor, my mother believes I did the exact opposite of it. The reason? I don't remember what sort of dishonor I distributed in the world that caused my own mother to believe otherwise but maybe I did. So, yeah that's an important part of my not so important picture.

Once I heard that the place you are born and the family you belong to decides half of your life. Maybe it's true but miracles happen. I was grown up believing it, not because I was silly, oh no but because if Allah, the only and actually Lord was there that means the unseen things were happening every passing second and the positive ones were miracles.