Sober (Chris Brown Story)

Fifteen

Danica

I stared at my mother intently, she was losing her damn mind, and I was here to rectify. My mom was the type to treat you like a child even after you are grown, sometimes I don’t think she has realized I’ve grown up. She’s narrows her eyes in my direction trying to put fear in my life, but little did she know it did nothing. I wasn’t the least bit phased by her glare. I was too fed up with being pushed around by everyone, it was getting on my last nerves, and I couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Since you like him so much why don’t you run off with him?” I ask her. My mom adored Gabe which in the beginning was fine because I had to live with him, but now I realize there was an underlying meaning. She wanted me with Gabe and I couldn’t understand why, I had never treated him as anything more than a friend, and never spoke much about him unless she asked. He wasn’t my type, and you would think she knew that, but my mother knows nothing about me. She folds her arms across her chest and gives me a stern look, “Girl do not get smart with me, you and I both know very well you two would make the perfect couple.” She is so sure of herself as she holds her head up high. 

The cackle I release is so loud and full of sarcasm that it is tangible. She really thought that he and I was a match made in heaven. God this woman is crazy. “Mom, Gabe and I will never be together. Get over it, this is my life and I’ll live it how I want to.” I declared with much strength resonating in my voice. Her eyebrows stitch together and she comes towards me staring into my eyes with a lethal look I’ve seen before. It use to make me fear challenging her, but now… I couldn’t bother to care.

 “So what do you think you are going to do? Run off with that Chris guy? I bet he’s no better than Tremaine.” She smirks. My eyes stay glued to her as I squint. She was really trying to go there. I think my mom got a kick out of seeing me break, she knew what buttons to press. I wasn’t having it; she wasn’t going to see me lose control again. “Why don’t you just leave huh? I’ve already told you it’s not happening, you don’t control me anymore mom.” I let her know as calm as possible. 

For some reason she never really tried to understand me, she never really attempted to be my mother. She always seemed to be my dictator as if my life was in her hands and not my own. Even when I was younger and my dad was actually around, she seemed to have some kind of twisted love for me. She thought I was a Barbie doll that she could do whatever she wanted to, that was until my father got sick of her acting crazy and tried to leave with me in tow. It never really worked, she said if he ever came around again she’d call the police, and at that point I gave up. I never saw him again because of her.

Things between the two of us only got worse when she started her collection of boyfriends or as I liked to call it, her ken dolls. She let them run over her, me, and watched them leave her life as if she were a piece of chewed up bubble gum on the sidewalk. She never stood up for herself, she always directed that built up anger onto me as if I were the problem. She always found a way to control me, make me feel less human. My mother was bat shit crazy if she thought I was going to continue to let her control me any longer.

She paced around me eyeing me up and down as if I was a lab rat. Her eyes scan over the content of my clothes to my face. “You always picked the wrong guys Danica, you always gave all the wrong people a chance. Gabriel can give you what you need, a nice little quiet life, because your too shy and weird for anything special. I mean gosh Danica, you’re not in high school, and bad boys aren’t cute anymore.” She shakes her head and all I can do is grit my teeth. Chris wasn’t bad, he was a good guy, and he’s changed me. Showed me that things outside my own personal bubble weren’t that bad. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be friends with Janelle. Before he came I felt too uncomfortable even standing next to her for too long, now she was someone I can confide in. Before him I never had the balls to speak my mind, or feel comfortable in my own skin, I never felt much of anything outside of hurt. He was different, he wasn’t perfect, but he was different. “He’s not a bad guy, he’s… You know what? Why am I explaining myself to you? I’m too old for this, I don’t want to have this conversation anymore and if you won’t leave, I will. I’m done with this place anyway.” I looked around the living room once more then headed off to my room not caring to hear words from her.

I went into my room pulling out suitcases and began packing. As I did, someone entered my room. I didn’t bother to look to see who it was because honestly, I couldn’t care. While I packed I pulled out my phone and dialed the one other person I knew I could lean on. “Dani boo!” Janelle sounds so happy to hear from me, probably because she wanted to hear about Chris and I date, but that would have to wait. I hold my phone between my shoulder blade and ear balancing while I pack. “Where are you going?” Gabriel’s voice is full of panic and worry. I roll my eyes and don’t pay him any mind as I continue on my pursuit to get out of here. “Hey Nelly, I can you come get me? My living conditions have become unbearable.” I sigh as I shake my head exasperated at the thought. Gabriel walks around to the other side of the bed and stares at me. His arms are folded across his chest and his face is a tinge of red. I look up at him briefly before heading into my closet and taking everything that is left out. “Oh, he tried to kiss you again?” She ask. 

Gabriel now stands in the doorway of the closet eyeing me, his face growing redder by the minute. “Unbearable?” He wonders, but I am still ignoring him. I’m sick of him and this mess, I just wanted to live my life in peace with a nice roommate who can respect my space. I can never win obviously, because my roommate wanted me. “He’s crossed the line, can you just please come get me?” I beg, and I didn’t even much have to. I heard her keys rattling in the background and her care engine roaring to life. She said she wouldn’t belong and we said our goodbyes, I continued to pack in silence. Gabriel stood there, “Danica, please don’t leave. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“

“No, you shouldn’t have but you did. You did and now… I can’t stand you, you called her knowing damn well we don’t get along and you really expected me to just forgive you? God you really are stupid.” I shake my head and turn away from him, but my back doesn’t face him for long before he turns me back around. Anger clouds his vision, but I’m not scared at all. I was sick of being afraid. “Stupid? If anyone’s stupid it’s you! Running around with some guy you barely know when you could have me!” He shouts. In that moment I feel the need to laugh, laugh until my little heart can’t take it anymore. The laughter bounces off the walls fueling Gabe’s anger. “Gabriel, I will never want you. Your attractive, that’s it. Mentally and physically I could never see myself with you, especially now. So you and my mom can go fuck yourself, or each other. I don’t give a damn.” And once I say that we don’t speak anymore. He just watches me pack in silence.

 
After moving my bags to the living room my mom tried to start with me again, but I ignored her out of respect. I was too tempted to say the wrong thing. She was trying to get the best of me and I wasn’t here for that. As soon as I got a text from Janelle saying that she was outside and I was glad for that. “Well, you two have a nice life together. I’ll be back for the rest of my things later.” 
My mother chuckled, “When he breaks your heart, don’t come running to me.” 

That’s the last thing I heard before I hauled my stuff down the stairs and out of her life. I breathed a sigh of relief, I needed things to be alright.