Ever wonder what it's all about? I need to try and work it out. I'll just begin with the deer.
This is about what and who and where strength comes from.
"After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshipped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route. " (Matthew, NIV)
Epiphany - the manifestation of Christ to the Magi who followed their star (Mathew 2:1-12); also a sudden and great revelation.
When I began this story, I hoped that I would have a great flash of understanding about my life-long search for the thread of being that is my Carmel search and my spiritual homing. Half way through the year, I had the chance completely unexpectedly to join an almost lost branch of the movement, and to earn daily, or fail daily, to make the connection to the order across the world and through centuries past and to come, without anyone knowing.
I had wanted to understand why this tradition pulled at my heart strings. But 'why?' is not one of Mary's questions. 'How?' is her best one. The 'How?' that I'd forgotten to ask was answered. It was time.
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
"My mission to make God loved will begin after my death. I will spend my heaven doing good on earth. I will send a shower of roses."
St.Therese of Lisieux, 'the little white flower'
It seems to me that the mesmerising promise of Therese of Lisieux sums up what I have found in Carmel. It is a mixture of metaphor and reality, where the blur doesn't matter. It is a blend of worldly action in favour of the poor, and a richness of the imagination and the heart. It can be found in all charisms, but the way it appears in Carmel, walking concretely in the liminal, is the way I see life. A tree is not just a tree. A rose is not just a rose. All is blessing, and all tremor with secrets told and untold, heard, and yet to be heard.
I have learnt that the flight of the bumblebee is not random, not all those who wander are lost, and heroes come in many guises. All need the armour of the Lord.
We are so much more than we know, strong in our weakness like Elijah, miracle worker, both devoted and desperate; like Jesus, a baby refugee, crucified with thieves, Christ the King; like Mary most Holy, a scandal, Queen of Heaven, Star of the Sea.
I have learned that this is why Carmel is the place for me. And I have learned nothing.
Because every day life starts afresh. It all begins again. The prayers to say, the insights to be sensed or glimpsed, or not, and the work to be done. We are what we are. No laurels, and no sitting on them.
All that we are we can still become.
Writing Carmel Reflections, and reading the many comments and suggestions and references you have left me, has helped to distil my thoughts and settle my mind on this journey to understand my unavoidable attraction to this mystical and real path of Carmel. It would not have been the same without you. Thank you all so much. All I have to do now is get on with it.
I wish everyone light in the darkness, a star to follow, and a good place to land.
