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Forty One: Meeting Him

Realising I had a few hours to myself I walked through Oxford Street aimlessly without any set thought. My vision struggled to get the image of a disheartened Dan out of my mind, but a more sinister image is taking over. I couldn't help but look around for him, constantly wondering if he knew I was here if he had eyes watching me, but I can't think like that anymore- that's how I'll start spiralling.

The last time I saw him he was with Zoe, he held her waist and just looked at me like I was nothing, a look that was easily hidden in the dark of a party. He was the reason I fell into a bad place, how I could barely walk out of that possible and wait in the corridor where the carpet was decorated with splashes of colourful liquids. I spoke to so many that night, everyone blurred together. Dan, Phil, the twins, Louise, Gabbie, all of them so unsure of who I was, but now I know- even if he thinks I'm unstable, I've never been in a better position to talk to him. If only my hands would stop shaking this violently.

I sit, fiddling with the small mug that cups in my grip. It has been carefully decorated with lavender swirls, so intricately making it more sensitive in my hands, the fear of dropping it spreading like the warmth it emits into my skin. My eyes dart as everyone passes by, waiting for him, wanting the next person to be him so I can face the last of my demons. I can't hide anymore. Everyone's footsteps sound too prominent in my ears, the high heels that click along the pavement, the wheels of suitcases that roll along whilst I remain still, sitting quietly in this moment trying to ignore the beating of my heart and the fast-paced breath. 

Behind me, I hear someone slow down, pause even. I lift the mug to my lips, lightly blowing as the steam clings to my skin having no other exit. In front of me as I place the mug down he sits, his body directed to leave already in case this goes pear-shaped whilst I face him entirely, neither of us speaking up first. Rubbing my lips together I let out a quiet shaky sigh as the tension rises between us faster than the steam that circulates the surface of my mug. 

"Well," Fighting back the nerves that crawl up my spine I rest my arms on the table, moving, forcing myself closer to him. He begins to turn his body to face mine, copying my action with a raised brow, a cockiness lining his iris'. "it's about time we have a chat. I mean, it's been what?" 

A waitress comes up to us and he orders a coffee, dismissing her. "Too long." He simply states, that brashness still looming in his tone. "Why the sudden change of heart, Al?" The nickname that once made me laugh now makes me shiver, but today I fight it. I need to try and put this all aside, try and make this work for the both of us. 

As I go to speak his coffee is placed in front of him, the waitress lingers momentarily as if she were waiting for something. "You're Alfie, right?" She pipes up, a smile growing on her face as I mentally sigh. He nods and stands up, giving her a hug as I watch her, trying to hide the joy in her gaze. Alfie begins to write something down on a napkin and as he does, she turns to look at me blankly. "And you are Ali, aren't you?" She mutters my name with some bitterness as if she knew the ins and outs of it all, of my families personal life. 

I simply nod and smile to her, "Thanks for the drinks." With that, she turns away from me, back to facing Alfie much to his satisfaction.  Once she has left us alone his smile fades back into a blank expression, he faces me again as if he were looking at dirt. Then again, I guess that is all I am to him, regardless of our status before he ruined everything. 

"What're we going to talk about then?" He sips at his coffee, giving me less than a second to think. "Oh I know," A laugh escapes his lips as he rubs his hands together, locking his eyes with mine. "how about we discuss how you singlehandedly ruined the best thing I had in my life. Or about the fact that I have been squatting around at friends'. Well, the friends that will still talk to me after finding out that Zoe is heartbroken. Why not start there, shall we?" The anger only rose higher in his voice and tinted his cheeks a crimson.