steam - a supercorp au

chapter thirteen

Hurt.
That was the one thing Lena could comprehend, was hurt. Not love, not anymore. Just hurt.
Her hands were shaking as she held the coffee, felt the warmth through its paper holding. She forced herself to take a sip, but it tasted nothing like the coffee Kara always served.
The rumors were true about hospital food.
It had been six days since... well, Lena refused to actually address it. But it had been six days, and Kara was still in the hospital, being rushed to different surgeries, pumped full of different medications, still not awake. Visited by different loved ones. Alex visited, coming the second she got off work, coming in the morning before work, and whenever she had free time. Winn was there often, as well, and he would tell her how the others were doing. Lena isn't holding up well, but she's strong. I can only hope that you find that strength, too. Maggie sometimes came with Alex, always tear-ridden, always quiet.
Lena never left. The others tried to convince her to go home- get some rest, Lena, please. Her face was always makeup-free, except for the lipstick. Kara's lipstick. Her phone was usually turned off, too, but whenever she turned it on, notifications went wild. She hadn't uploaded a video in a long time, apparently. She hadn't noticed.
It was the third day when James came by. It was two in the morning, and he muttered to Lena, "I couldn't sleep." He had bags hanging beneath his bloodshot eyes, and his clothes were rumpled and musty. She nodded knowingly, rubbing her eyes, curled up in the chair next to the hospital bed. She pretended to fall asleep, because she knew James wouldn't speak if she didn't. So she softly breathed, calculated and counted, eyes shut and hands folded. She listened to his words.
"I would never have- I wouldn't have told y-" He sighed, yearning for the words. "I would never have left if I knew this would happen." He took her hand, still watching her face, looking for any sign of reaction. But she hadn't woken up yet. He didn't even know if she could hear him. He continued, "Kara, you need to come back. Winn needs you. He's a mess without you there to calm him down, and he- he hasn't talked to that girl he likes, yet. And Alex, god, Alex is dying without you. She doesn't eat. She can't sleep. She won't focus. And- and I need you too. You're my best friend. You can't die, without knowing that... I'm not mad anymore. I never should've been."
He stood there. His quivering voice lowered. "Lena isn't doing well, Kar. She needs you. We all need you. Come back to us, please."
There was a pause, then footsteps. Lena opened her eyes slowly, and he was gone.
Lena stretched out of the chair, and tentatively walked over to Kara. She couldn't help but smile as she remembered Kara working behind the counter- flustered and frustrated, hair flying, a dopey grin on her face. Her apron sloppily tied around her waist, her shirt rolled up to the biceps.
That image shattered when Lena realized she was looking down at that exact same girl, but her hair wasn't bright and lively- it was dull and flat. Her smile wasn't wide, but instead, replaced by a fixed, unaware grimace. She was wearing a hospital gown, pale grey. Lena didn't know if that gown brought out her eyes as much as the apron did, because Kara's eyes were shut.
Lena would have killed to see her eyes.
Kara always described Lena's eyes as icy, sharp, calculating, determined. But Lena always saw Kara's as warm, comforting, the kind of blue that brought you home. Open your eyes.
Lena hadn't touched her yet, because what if she was cold? What if she didn't have that warm glow that was just simply Kara? What if instead of filling Lena with happiness and heat, she was just death?
But here, now, Lena felt as though she would die if she didn't hold her, because that was Kara. That wasn't some cadaver of a person she used to adore, it was still Kara. And Kara needed her.
Tip-toeing around to the other side, Lena crawled into the hospital bed, and wrapped her arm around Kara, then her legs, until she was entangled. She wasn't cold, and Lena shoved down the urge to recoil, to leap back into her chair. This is Kara. This is Kara. This is Kara.
She fell asleep, feeling Kara's heartbeat through her own.
---
The space echoed, each sound pinging off the floor like a pebble on a pond. Every blink distorted her vision, and she stared at each square inch of the room through strands of blonde hair. Mother with child. Old lady with pearls. Man with suit. Man with gun.
Gun. Gun. Gun. There's a gun. There's Lena. You're going to get shot. You're going to get shot. You're going to get shot.
Lena isn't safe.
Grab the gun. Keep Lena safe. Then-
You're dying.
This hurts.
Blood is pouring out of you, and your mind is numb, but pain is spreading throughout your body like someone ignited fireworks in your stomach, and Lena is there.
She's safe.
You're dying.
---
Kara screamed. She kicked the sheets, flailing her arms, sobbing, yelling out for help. A pair of arms was wrapped around her, and in between heavy gasps and cries, she grasped for the body surrounding her aching body. She choked out a scream, blowing her hair out of her face.
"Kara?" A raspy voice whispered, from behind- the arms holding her. "You're awake!"
"Lena," Kara sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks, splattering her gown, and she turned and buried her face in Lena's arms.
Lena traced her back in between heaves of grief, and remembered what it was like to love.
And she would never let go again.

---

A/N:
Lips: chapped.
Stomach: shot.
Kara: comatose.
LENA IS FORCEFULLY REMOVED FROM THE HOSPITAL.
Ok, but in all seriousness, sorry that I worried you guys! Thanks for all the (positive?) feedback on the last chapter, and a HUGE thank you to @maryterwilliger for editing this chapter for me. ily mary <3