The One - Gilmore Girls

Chapter 15

Are you happy?

Are you happy?

Are you happy?

Rory watched Logan drive away.  She went into the house and showered and changed.  The question kept running through her mind.  She put her shoes on, grabbed her purse, drove to an all night grocery store, bought a box of Pop-tarts, and sent a picture of them to her mom with the caption "30 minutes."

She arrived at her childhood home.  It was 11 pm, so Ricky should be in bed.  She walked right in and to the kitchen where her mom had just set two cups of coffee and some other junk foods out.

Rory dropped everything and sat down.

"Oy with the poodles already!" Lorelai finally said.

"I'm sorry mom, I'm so confused!" So Rory ran down the events of the night for Lorelai and finally landed on the question.

Lorelai sat quiet for a few minutes, taking it all in. Finally she asked, "where's your head at now?"

"I don't know mom, I keep hearing the question in my head and seeing the serious look on his face..."

"Ror, there's something you should know," Lorelai began, "Logan and I...we talk."

Rory was speechless...they talk? What does that even mean?

"When Ricky was a baby, he called me freaking out about some little thing. Couldn't get ahold of you or anyone else, so he called the inn. I talked him down and then went there to check on them. We have kind of become friends...we never said anything because it didn't seem like it was a big deal. The only reason I'm telling you now is because I want you to know that we do talk."

"Why?"

"Well, as it turns out, when he quit being the guy that I caught undressing my daughter and simply became the father of my grand baby, I realized how much we have in common.  Same kind of upbringing and now single parenthood, minus a few differences, we are able to relate and I get a little extra time with Ricky too."

"Wow mom...I'm amazed...I always thought you two were a lot alike."  Rory was still processing, but she knew one big question she had, "did you know this was coming?"

"No honey, I've always thought that things would never really be over between you, besides for the obvious reason, but I didn't know for sure.  That being said, you may be my only daughter, but I won't betray his confidence to you either."

"I understand mom.  Can I ask you a question?" She waited for her mom to nod, then continued.  "When you were raising me alone, were you happy?  Did you ever wish things were different?"

Lorelai thought for a moment, "that's kind of a loaded question sweetie...honestly, I loved raising you.  I never wished that I had done what my parents wanted me to, but it was definitely hard.  There is a certain loneliness in being a single parent.  You need to really think about what Logan is asking you.  You might think you are happy, and I know the two of you do a great job with this co-parenting thing, but could you be happier?"

Rory just sat. She was so sure when they agreed all those years ago that they would leave romance out of it that there would never be another time like this. Now? She knew it was foolish to think so...Logan made life exciting, but definitely not easy.

"Sweetie, my beautiful grandson is sleeping in that room right there and if I don't get some sleep, I'm not going to be able to enjoy my time with him. Now you can do whatever you want, but just remember, I won't let you take him home tomorrow." She finished with a wink and then got up and left. She had a feeling Rory would head out soon. It was around midnight, late, but not so late that Rory couldn't make it safely to wherever she would decide to go.

Rory got up, found a travel mug to fill with coffee and grabbed some snacks for the road. She peeked in on her sleeping son and gave him a quick kiss. Then she headed out to her car. She wasn't quite sure where she was headed except that she needed to think...hard.

Logan was, without a doubt, the love of her life. Over the years, Rory had come to accept the fact that she would never love anyone in the same way that she loved him...the same way that she would always love him. She hadn't given much thought to dating over the years. There had been a few men in those years between college and Ricky, but none measured up. They just weren't right.

Dating had never been a big priority, so not dating after she had Ricky was easy. She loved being a mother. It had been scary at first, still was at times, but over the years, Rory had made her life into what she wanted it to be. Dreams change over the years, hers certainly had. Being a single mom and an English teacher was not something she could have imagined twenty years ago, but she had absolutely no regrets.

There weren't even any regrets when it came to Logan...or so she had thought. He was everything to her more than once throughout her life. Sometimes it scared her when she realized just how important he was to her. The time in her life between turning down his proposal and the Vegas agreement had been hard. Her career progressed but her love life stood still. Over time, she got used to it and she never really knew what she was missing until she had him back. That was why she would take him any way she could have him.

When she got pregnant, she knew that if Logan chose to be in their child's life, she would always have him. It would be different, but she was guaranteed a forever link to the only man she would ever love. Dating wouldn't be an issue, she wanted to focus on her child, her education, and her new career. Finn took her out on occasion, he called her his one and only love so therefore it was his duty. Her family and friends filled the void, and she was so busy that she usually didn't have time to think about it.

Are you happy?

Now she had to think about it. She owed it to Logan to answer the question truthfully. She thought she was happy, but the question went deeper.

Could I be happier?

Could I be happier with Logan?

When she finally parked her car, she knew what she had to do.