to all the glowing eyes ✎ joshler

december 11

he just stares at the ceiling until brendon comes back, his only glimmer of hope.

„"„

they go to the lgbt center, but none of the records mention anything about tyler. not a single person there knows him either, even with josh's extensive description of his looks. they might be outdated, tyler could've changed everything about himself to avoid getting found by his family.

the people in the meeting suggest that he might be elsewhere. "if he was in this city, we would've heard of him," they all say in different ways. each person putting their own twist on it. josh believes them, he can tell that a small, 16 year old runaway boy would stick out from the crowd.

they've been in the lgbt center for more than 4 hours before josh can't handle it anymore. he knows that it doesn't matter if he spoke to only one person there or everyone soul that got near the lot, he wouldn't find a single sign of his true love here.

"your boy is off in another city, kid," one lady says to him.

that alone makes his heart break and his hopes disappear. brendon can notice it.

josh gets out of the building, throwing his empty coffee cup in a nearby trash can. he tries to hold back the tears in his eyes. why did he ever think this would be something easy? why on earth did he think that he would find tyler right away and everything would be solved?

he begins to walk back to the hotel before brendon pulls up in his car next to him. "josh, bud, get in the car. please."

josh tries to ignore him, but the cold is starting to get worse by the minute. he gives in and joins his friend in the heated up car. as soon as he slams the door shut, he bursts out into tears. he can't contain himself any longer. this is only the first city and he's already aching to go back home and never leave his room. he cries into his hoodie. his tears staining the gray piece of clothing, but he doesn't care.

seeing him like this, brendon drives back to the hotel. when they get there, he parks the vehicle and turns the engine off. he turns to his friend and asks what's wrong. all josh can say is mumbled and in between desperate sobs.

brendon doesn't know what to do. he can't comfort his friend in the car. he decides to carry him back to their room, not giving a single fuck if the people in the lobby looked at him weird. he just wants to get his boy to safety.

his boy. his best friend.

once they're inside the privacy of their hotel room, josh sits on his bed and sobs into his pillow. brendon, hating seeing him so hurt, sits next to him and holds him. he gets josh to cry into his shoulder and put his arms around him for support.

"what's wrong, josh? i know we'll find him. maybe he's in the next city," brendon says in hopes to make josh feel better.

"no, you know i-it's not true. i'm so stupid..."

"you're not stupid."

"i am! i t-thought i could find him and get him b-back," josh sniffs, sobbing after every other word, "i miss him so much... i-i'm never gonna find him again.. i lost him.."

"you didn't."

"i did! i know i did. he's gonna find someone else to love him and f-forget about me. i lost the love of my life..."