Time To Pretend

Chapter Ten: About Today

Because I told BatesLuva that I would give her an update!! Hope you all enjoy, XOXO.

Time without Vera around had been hard on Nestor and it had taken a toll on their acting. Thankfully, they had gotten most of the physical scenes out of the way. There was one scene coming up that Nestor was nervous about that involved them kissing. He had to fix things before then.
But when he saw Chris hanging around her trailer again, he couldn't help but feel pure anger and hatred toward her. To allow that man back into her life was...it was idiotic. She should know better.
"Nestor, come on man. That's not healthy." Max says, walking up to Nestor who was staring intently at her trailer.
"I can't stand not being around her. Not to mention Freddie has been giving me the silent treatment since he found out. It's almost as if I dumped him too." Nestor says, feeling helpless.
"Now she is back with her stupid boyfriend."
"You two need to talk. The producers are catching wind of your...hindered acting and they're becoming suspicious." Max says.
"I know. I'll handle it." Nestor says, watching Vera walk out with Chris. She glances over at Nestor and Max before quickly looking away. But that one glance was enough to set Nestor's heart racing.
"I have to take care of something." Nestor says.
"What? It's the middle of the day. You're needed on set any minute-"
"I have to divorce Shannon. It's the only way I will get Vera back." he says.
"Just don't be late for filming." Max warns.
"I know." he says, waving Max off. He tries to call his wife but it goes straight to voicemail. Vera's giggle fills his ears as Chris gropes her in public while Vera tries to pull away.
Nestor angrily storms up the steps of the house, wanting to get away from Vera and her meatball of a boyfriend.
"Nestor," Freddie calls out, approaching him. Nestor looks at him with surprise.
"Max told me you are getting a divorce." he says with a smile.
"Congratulations."
"Wow, that was fast. Thanks. Listen, Max wasn't supposed to say anything. I haven't even told Shannon so if you could not say anything-"
"Of course." Freddie says, still smiling.
"Perhaps you should've taken my advice all along. Save Vera the heartbreak." he says.
"How is she?" Nestor asks, pleading to know.
"She was horrible the first few weeks. Lots of crying. But...she is better. Once I suggested she give Chris another chance she seemed-"
"Wait, what?" Nestor asks.
"What?" Freddie replies.
"You told her to date Chris?" he asks with surprise.
"Well it was awful the way she was crying. She needed someone...a companion. I mean she lost her best friend and her boyfriend all in one night." Freddie says innocently.
"You know what she told me?" Freddie asks, lowering his voice.
"What?"
"She said, losing a best friend is like losing air. It's painful, and it's slow, and there is nothing you can do about it. She told me that she felt like she was sitting there watching the world disappear. I mean she was a mess without you." he whispers. Nestor sighs and shakes his head, wishing he could do something.
"That was before. She hasn't been as sad since she started things up with Chris again." he says.
"Shit. He's an ass. Have you ever even met him?" Nestor asks.
"No. But Nestor, you're sort of an ass too you know." Freddie says. Nestor sighs, looking down at the ground.
"I know." he says softly.
"It's been almost three months and she still talks about you like you personally put the sun in the sky each morning. You really meant something to her." Freddie says.
The door opens and they look up to see Vera walk in. Her blue eyes glance at his, almost making him physically shake.
"Freddie, can we talk?" she asks, no longer looking at Nestor.
"Of course." he says with a smile. He glances at Nestor before walking off with Vera.
That night, Nestor had decided to talk to Vera. He had to let her know that he was going to fight for them. For her.
But when he knocked on her door, there was no response. Her lights were off but it wasn't that late. There's no way she could be asleep. Maybe she went off set for the night. Nestor had overheard some people talking about a bar down the street. She was probably there with everyone else.
He should go back to his trailer and wait until tomorrow. But next thing he knew, he was inside, locking the door behind him. He just had to be around her even if only through the things she touched.
He walks into her bedroom, staring at the bed, the sheets only halfway on the bed like they always seemed to be. But that's when he saw it. A notebook laying just underneath her pillow, a corner of it peaking out at him. Before he could stop himself, he walked to her bed and grabbed it, opening it up.
It was her diary. He flipped through the pages, knowing he is doing something wrong but also too curious to care. He flips through the dates, finding a page dated two months after they separated. He looks up from the book, a millions thoughts running through his head. He had one last chance to close the book and leave. But he couldn't.
Here I am trying to think of a million beautiful ways to say that I am lonely, but this is not beautiful. This is pain, and suffering, and sadness, and loss. This is loneliness.
I went to a club last night and saw this couple. They were dancing. The man spins his date around and pulls her in. His smile lights up the entire room as she falls into him, laughing uncontrollably. Just like us; just like we used to do.
I haven't laughed like she does or had that I'm-in-love glow in my eyes for weeks. I haven't seen your smile or felt your touch in almost months. I envy those who are happily together, in love and allowed to be. I envy those who weren't cut off, who haven't had their other half ripped away from them when all was fine, all was perfect, until he simply decided it wasn't. One second you're both in love, then he decides that love isn't enough; or maybe it's just too much for him. One second you're both planning forever, then that forever gets cut short by one heart falling out of love.
It never stops hurting does it? Giving someone the best of you and watching them choose someone else.
So now I sit alone, surrounded by people in love, yet the one whom my heart aches for is too far out of reach, no longer aching for mine. I desire the things which will destroy me in the end.
Her words tear at his heart, ripping it to shreds. She thinks he didn't still love her? To think that he caused so much pain to the woman he loves. He had to read more. He flips to another page, one dated a bit earlier than this one. Only a few weeks after they separated.
Today was the first day that my eyes found his. It wasn't on purpose but by cruel accident. We both happened to be on break at the same time and it just happened. And as quickly as it happened, it was gone when I pulled my eyes from his.
And my body reacted in a way that I never knew it would. My knees locked up and my breathing became labored. Because I almost forgot the way his lips felt against mine. I almost forgot the way our bodies-
He heard the door handle jiggle and he stood up, not knowing what to do. He shoved the book under his arm and ran to the closet just beside the front door. As soon as he shut it, the front door opened and Vera and Chris walked inside.
Nestor looks through the crack in the door just as Vera walks into view and sets her purse on the counter. She turns around, her brown curls bouncing on her shoulders. She is wearing the navy blue dress that Nestor loves.
"I don't remember locking it. That's all I am saying." she says. The sound of her voice almost made Nestor fall to the ground. Sure he heard it when she was acting but Norma's voice is different than Vera's.
"You over think every little thing. It's annoying." he says, sitting on the couch.
"Well if I am so annoying then why do you stay here?" she asks.
"Look, I have needs. I don't know when they come and that's why I need you around, babe." he says casually.
"You have needs?" she asks with her eyebrows raised.
"Can we just drop this and go to bed?" he asks, standing up.
"Yeah. But you're going to your own bed. In your own home." she says, opening the front door.
"Come on, just chill. Jesus-"
"Just leave." she says.
It takes everything in Nestor not to jump out of the closet and beat the man upside the head. He had this extraordinary woman in his hands and he doesn't even care. She is beautiful. Tell her you love her! Nestor screams at him in his thoughts.
"Why?" he asks. Nestor rolls his eyes. You idiot. You treated her like a whore, that's why.
"Because I have needs too. And what I need right now is for you to get the hell out before I call the police." she says angrily. Nestor tries to compress a chuckle while she kicks him out. Once the door slams shut, Vera storms back to her own room and slams her door.
Nestor takes this opportunity to quietly step out of the closet and sneak out of her trailer. Once he is safely outside, he quickly walks to his own trailer, holding Vera's book to his chest.
"Hey, Nestor." Freddie says, walking with Olivia and Max.
"Hey guys." Nestor says, hiding the book behind his back.
"Why weren't you at the bar?" Olivia asks.
"Yeah you missed out. People were buying drinks for us left and right. You should've seen Vera dancing on the tables and-" Max was cut off by Olivia hitting him with her elbow in his ribs.
"Yeah...I wanted to give...her some space. She wouldn't have wanted me there." Nestor says, still not able to say her name.
"What's that?" Freddie asks, gesturing to Nestor's left hand that holds Vera's journal behind his back. Nestor blushes as he tries to think of an excuse.
"Oh this?" he asks, pulling the notebook out.
"It's...uh...it's mine." he says.
"You keep a pink diary?" Olivia asks with a wide smile.
"It keeps me honest." Nestor says casually. Max and Freddie chuckle while Olivia just shakes her head.
"Whatever works, Nestor." she says.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow then." Nestor says, walking around them.
"Travel safely." he adds.
"It's just down the street." Max says with a chuckle.
"Right, well...you're drunk." Nestor says, earning laughs from all three of them.
"See ya." Max says.
Nestor practically runs the rest of the way to his trailer. He has to know what she says next. He turns on the light in his bedroom and flops onto his bed, opening the book.
I almost forgot the way our bodies entwined perfectly, nestled under a pile of blankets. I almost forgot the way he looked at me right before we fell asleep. He is so much more than anyone seems to see. He might not be as important to everyone else, but to me...he was my everything. He is my everything. He is everything. And I miss everything.
Nestor closes the book after reading the last line. He knows what he has to do and he needs to do it now. He pulls his cell phone out and dials her number.
The phone rings a couple times before she answers.
"Hey, did you need something?" Shannon asks, sounding breathless.
"Yea...you okay? You sound winded." he says with confusion.
"Just...running."
"This late at night? It's almost midnight." Nestor says, glancing at the clock on his dresser.
"What did you want?" she asks with a hint of annoyance.
"Come to set in the morning. We need to talk." he says before hanging up the phone.