{9}
Around half past three in the morning, my phone went off, the bright florescent light glowing in the dark room. I sat on the bed, my back pressed against the wooden headboard, as I slowly tilted the bottle of beer in my hand from side to side.
I had been drinking for a few hours, each drink sliding down my throat faster than the last. I had lost count when Mark and Carrie stumbled into the kitchen, soaking wet, drunk and giggling. It seemed Carrie had given up on trying to get Mark to slow down his drinking and decided to pick up on hers.
Bay had followed them up the stairs, helping Carrie carry Mark up the stairs. I was left alone in the kitchen, surrounded by empty beer bottles and half full red solo cups. It was then that my thoughts began to take over, slowly taking over my mind in the intoxicated state it was.
I had jumped off the counter, stumbled a bit before I regained my balance and slowly slipped out of the empty kitchen and into the party that was still in full swing. It took awhile before I stepped out of the large crowd that had swallowed me and found the stairs that led upstairs.
Most of the rooms were locked but I had managed to find one that was unlocked. I had shut the door, left the light off and with the guide of the moonlight as my only source of sight I stumbled onto the half made bed and sat.
It smelled like guy- cologne and sex. And if I had been sober I would have fled the room faster than I could type a whole paragraph- and that was pretty fast.
I could still hear the party going on down on the first floor, the bass of the music rattling the walls and floorboards of the second floor.
Besides me my phone kept going off, the bright light glowing against the pale blue stripped bed sheets and black comforter.
My dad’s number and picture flashing.
I couldn’t answer him- not in the state of numbness that I was in. I’d probably end up telling him just how much I loathed my sister for being stupid enough to get involved with the wrong people. I hated the fact that she had left me alone- in this chaotic world. But I would never tell him that- not purposefully.
After the fourth missed call I received from my father I decided sending him a simple ‘I’m fine’ text would be best. Once I had sent the message I shut off my phone and tossed it on the bed-side nightstand, along with my keys and empty beer bottle.
As I slid down the mattress and rested my head on the soft pillow and faced the bare window, I felt safe, something that I hadn’t been feeling since my sister was murdered.
I hadn’t planned on falling asleep but I did. Head resting on the soft pillow, I inhaled the deep scent of shampoo and cologne and let myself be taken over by the darkness.
++
I had always been an early riser. No matter how late or how tired I was the day before, I always woke up before eight AM. Unlike Mia, she could sleep until five in the afternoon, wake up for a few hours, then fall back asleep.
When Mia died, I hardly ever slept. It had gotten to the point where my father had taken me to a doctor to see what was wrong with me. Of course, they had spat out some bullshit, prescribed some pills, charged a pretty penny and sent me on my way with a small smile, pat on the back and a “sorry for your loss”.
The pills that they had given me made me sleep for hours without end but when I didn’t take them, I didn’t sleep. Which was why when I woke up the next morning to the sun just rising, I was a bit shocked to know that I had slept without the help of medication.
