it's okay ; changkyun

five

Jooheon lay awake in bed. For the past week, he hadn't gotten more than an hour of sleep each night. It was bad for his health, he knew it, but he could not seem to calm down enough to get some rest. Ever since that day, one week ago, when he had walked into his room to find Kihyun leaning towards Changkyun for a kiss—

Ever since he kissed Changkyun, the two hadn't said one word. Jooheon wanted to explain himself, but the youngest would walk the other way whenever he tried to approach him. There was not one time where Changkyun would talk to him, not even when they were alone with their vocal trainer.

It was stressing Jooheon beyond belief.

He so desperately needed to explain himself. He needed to say that his mind hadn't been in the right place when he gave that kiss. He didn't feel that way. He loved Changkyun, but as a friend and only a friend.

He desperately needed to fix their friendship, because if he ruined it, he would never forgive himself.

"Please don't leave me," Jooheon whispered into the darkness of the room. Changkyun was still on the bottom bunk, and Minhyuk insisted he would be until they were all sure he wouldn't fall out of bed again. The boy was lying on his back with his hands curled into fists on his chest. The sheets were all tangled and a bare foot was peeking out from under them. Chankyun's neck was strained from all his pillows, but his expression remained calm.

Changkyun woke up to the familiar alarm clock shaking his shoulder. "Get up." The hand left as Kihyun went to annoy the others in the room. "Manager is bringing us to a meeting for our music video. It starts at eight thirty, and it's almost seven." Before he left, he drew open the curtains.

How annoying.

In the bunk above him, there was a sound like something hitting the wall, and Minhyuk groaned.

"You should take the bottom bunk, Minhyuk," Changkyun suggested.

"Not until you get better."

Changkyun sighed. "I've been fine for a while now. Let's just switch."

It was true that Changkyun wanted Minhyuk to have his bed back, but he also wanted to get back on the top bunk for personal reasons. Mainly since it was farther away from Jooheon.

It wasn't that he didn't like the other rapper. He trusted him and saw him as a close friend. However, he didn't see him as anything more than that. After that kiss, he was sure that Jooheon didn't feel the same.

Who would kiss someone if they didn't like them in a way that was more than friendly?

The last thing Changkyun wanted to do was break his friendship with Jooheon (as if ignoring Jooheon would help the situation). He was at a loss for what to do, and not paying attention to the other was the only thing he could think of doing.

Minhyuk got out of bed first, climbing down the ladder with great difficulty. That left Jooheon and Changkyun alone in the room. The youngest looked up to find Jooheon sitting up in bed with the covers pulled up to his chin. The boy's eyes were hollow and his cheeks had lost their fullness. Jooheon looked like a wreck.

It's my fault.

Without saying anything, Changkyun got out of bed and left the room.

"Changkyun! Changkyun, hold on!"

It was lunch time, and their meeting had ended an hour before. The group had decided on eating at the company's cafeteria. Changkyun told them that he was going to go for a walk around the building while they ate. "No hard feelings. I just have a headache." It was a lie, but the member's didn't seem to notice.

Or maybe they really didn't care.

Well, there he was, on his previously undisturbed walk around the building, with someone calling his name from halfway down the hall. It was Jooheon. He could recognize his voice without even turning to look.

"Hey," said Jooheon when he was close enough to talk. Changkyun hadn't moved one bit, even though he was still giving Jooheon the silent treatment. "Why are you ignoring me, Changkyunnie?"

He frowned at the nickname. Jooheon was trying to make him feel guilty, wasn't he?

"Please say something." Jooheon pleased.

Changkyun took a look at Jooheon's empty face. The other was falling apart, breaking because of his actions. It wouldn't be that bad if Jooheon liked me that way, right? If it makes him happy, it's okay. "Why did you kiss me?"

Jooheon's brows furrowed and he squinted. "Really, I don't know why. I keep thinking about it, and there's really no reason that I can think of. I guess...I just didn't want Kihyun to kiss you." He said the last part like a question, as if he was asking if it was really true. "Trying to save you," he chuckled. "Too bad my trying-to-save-you caused so much trouble."

So that's how he feels. "I'm sorry." Changkyun stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I should have let you just say what you felt instead of ignoring you."

"It's okay. It taught me that I should think about the consequences before I do something."

Changkyun patted his shoulder. "I was worried that you might want to—you know—be all gay about it."

Jooheon laughed and shook his head. "No! Well...if I did want to be all gay about it..."

"Not gonna happen." Changkyun frowned. "Well, not now at least. I really don't know how I would feel about it." He sighed. "Can we just keep being friends for now? Best friends?"

"That would be great," Jooheon smiled.