This Ain't Lust

C H A P T E R 29

I will not forgive you
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Derek POV

I hope she sees it. Rachel. I hope Rachel heard my message. I sat in the limousine with Gavinski facing me. He is reading a folder, trying hard to ignore me.

'Make her flight schedule match with mine, Thomas.' I looked at Gavinski.

He sigh. 'How do I call myself a gentleman if I don't honor my promise to Tores?'

I narrowed my eyes. 'You never call her Tores.'

'You wanted her back in your life, of course we call her Tores from now on.'

'You've change your mind?' I smirk.

'The severity of your performance will arouse concern from the democrats. There are questions about your lack of enthusiasm in most of the activities you participated.' He nodded his head as a sign that he gave in to my proposal. 'And I guess we know the reason.' Still facing the folders, but his eyes notch up and look at me, like an old scary grandpa.

'When it comes to running the country, I will hear your advices. When it comes to my woman, I prefer to handle it personally.'

'As long as you handle it well, Derek. As a matter of fact, I do wish you find your own happiness. I'm not the villain who breaks every couple I know.'

'How is Betty?' I pops up this question.

'She is good, better without me I guess.' There is always a hint of sadness within Gavinski whenever we brought up the subject of his ex wife.

'You look shitty after your marriage ended.' I said it with a dead pan face.

Gavinski chuckles. 'The pot is calling the kettle black.' He shoot back. 'The PR puts a lot of effort on your appearance, but these few days you are a shitload of mess. Ferguson is getting panic.' He laugh again.

'I will regain my charisma again, Thomas, gotta impress my girl.' I turn to the window, God knows how much I am dealing inside without Rachel.

'Getting divorce in your active term will be complicated, messy, I can go on with the list but I'm pretty sure you have made up your mind.' Gavinski is down to business talk.

'Grace haven't gave me a clear answer, but I'm have made my point straight, in a civilized way, of course.'

'I'm always on your side, Derek, you know that. But Grace could come up with surprises that is beyond our expectations, gotta be careful of her.' With a warning tone, Gavinski doesn't sound positive about Grace stepping down as the First Lady.

'What do you reckon?' I sat straight.

'You have to be soft with her, Grace is not the person who give up on what she held dearly easily. You have been her price possession, there is no reason she can put up with this marriage if you are no advantage to her.'

She wanted me, the voice came up in my brain. When she kiss me that night, I knew immediately if she was really kissing me or just putting up a show. I'll always know her. 'She is pretty much in a bad shape when I told her I want a divorce.'

'Give her what she wants the most.' Gavinski said.

'President?'

'Yes, but no in this case. Give her a position she can work on the road to her campaign. She is feed with attention, she needs attention. When you announced your divorce, make sure you compliment her, and whatever good thing she did that will make the public sympathize her more than you.'

'That makes me the bad guy? I thought I'm always the one who suffer here.' I smile bitterly.

'Amicably. Make it a friendly divorce, and make the public misses both of you.'

We've reached the White House, it's already dark in the outside. I've been contemplating if I should call Rachel. I walk out of the car with my hand on the pocket, holding on to my phone. The indecisiveness is killing me.

Even before I made my way to the stair, I started typing.

Can we have a talk, Rachel?

It was after several attempt of correction before I hit send. My heart never beat this hard. I was afraid Rachel and I will stay like this for good. What if she decides I was the worst choice she made. Anxiety and excitement doesn't goes well. I practically can't think properly until she replies me.

As I made my way to the second floor, Grace was waiting for at the hallway, sitting cross leg in the middle, wearing a rather casual, more casual than casual. She was in a flip flop, which is very rare, and her hair was in a messy bun. I don't like what I am seeing, this is not the Grace I know.

I walked gingerly, the unusual sight of Grace has puts me on a dilemma stage.

'Aren't you lonely living in this vast mansion? It is so huge, and I never had the chance to feel what it is like.' She mumbled. I puts both my hands on my pant pocket, not planning to voice any words.

Her face was pale and dark under eyes has made her even listless, how long has she not slept? 'Of course you are lonely,' she scoffs, 'or else, why would Rachel Woods even exist in our marriage.'

I sighs, this isn't what I expect for Grace. I believe she is strong enough to hate me, never did I know her courage fails her.

I squat down, facing her, she ignores me. 'Grace.' I called her.

'I am not okay, Derek. Don't expect me to be okay after what you did to me! After everything I have done for you, after every war I have fought for you, you throw me aside, so, I am not okay.' She roars her frustration. Tears run down her cheeks, every time she blink her eyes, fresh drops of tears gushes out from her.

I sat down, unbutton my suit and loosen my tie. This is going to take a while.

'If you ever think for one second that I am not grateful for what you did, you're wrong.' I said softly. 'We make better partners than husband and wife.'

'I put up the shame of you exiling me to Blair house, ignoring the sympathy look that Ferguson gave me every time. I thought it was alright, I can take it, for as long as you are still loyal to me. But, you! When you slept with her, did she felt guilty at all?' Grace explodes all the injustice done to her.

'I started it. I told her our marriage was an empty shelves.'

'Good, you are defending her.'

'I can't talk with you in this condition, Grace, you are not being sensible.' I am getting impatient with her.

She stood up, pacing front and forth while scrunching her hair. 'I will not forgive you, Derek. I may have done wrong for aborting our child, but I stick with you till the end. And this is how you repay me, so, no, I will not divorce with you.' She finished her last sentence with an affirmative tone, next, she stomps towards the stairs and left this floor.

'Grace!' I shouted for her to come back. 'Grace!'

She is not coming back. I throw the tie to the floor, venting my anger. Gavinski was right, Grace always does something that is unexpected. This is her way of punishing me, like what I have done to her all these years. I kept this marriage so I can get what I have today, the Oval.