An unpleasant cloud of anxiety swarmed my mind as I watched the seconds pass by dangerously slowly. The torturous tick of the clock was the only sound audible within the room. It scratched violently at my eardrums, serving as a relentless reminder of what was to come as time continued to dwindle by.
My eyes were trained onto the white flushed ceiling above me, but the image in my head marked as a vast contrast to the serenity of the room around me. Flashes of terror flooded into every crevice of my mind, scene after scene being played to present every possible outcome of what could unfold the following day.
Sleep, at this point, was out of question. Not a single inch of my body could lay dormant when the raid was a mere eighteen hours away. So instead, I was left to fidget persistently in an attempt to avoid leaving one second spare and mistakenly allow the fear lurking deep within my body seep any further into my bloodstream and ripple through my interior walls.
It was walking into the unknown that caused my palms to cradle a pool of unwanted precipitation. Our plan couldn't have been more thought out, but in situations like this, no-one could prepare for Legrenzi and his mind games. He thrived from the pain that his tricks left upon people, which only added more fuel to the pool of vengeance directed his way an uncountable amount of people. Many of which were ready to finally bring about some justice, giving Legrenzi what he truly deserved.
This wasn't a mission that involved getting me out alive anymore. It was proving to Legrenzi that we wouldn't back down until he was begging for his life under the iron clad hold of his not so forgiving son. Everyone here was here for a common purpose, and I'd come to learn that Legrenzi had managed to weave his way under the skin of every single person here at some point in his time. This empowered us though, it made us want to draw him in, it made us want to fight and made us bury the fear and twist it into anguish.
It wasn't a fear for my life, I knew that I would be safe leaving with Ed. Instead, it was the fear for the life of another individual, one that I valued more than my own. His talent lay at the heart of this kind of thing, but that didn't help to ease the anxiety for his safety in the slightest.
Tormenting my mind further, was the reminder of the terms we would be leaving on. At heart, I was certain we both knew we didn't despise one another, we couldn't if we tried, but that didn't prevent the prolonged fear of Luke not knowing how I truly felt about him. I needed to tell him, to be honest with him, but I couldn't risk throwing his mind off the game this close to the raid.
His life was in grave danger to say the least, and the realisation of how real all of this had become sprung on me rapidly in that moment.
It caused my spine to flee from the mattress, my arms flailing to cradle my trembling body. My breathing rate radically increased as the tissue around my lungs seemed to tighten the organ, spiralling my body into an uncontrollable pain. My chest wheezed for some air, flinching from the unyielding hammering of my heart on my ribcage.
At first, I hadn't a single clue what the hell was happening to me, but as the surge of anxiety continued to claw at every cell in my body, I came to the realisation that I was undergoing a panic attack. Not having any recollection of having had one before, I focused on the only thing that I could think to focus on; the boy settled in the room next to me. He was safe in that moment, that was all I needed to concentrate on. That was what had sparked the ignition of fear in the first place, so I knew that maintaining the image of him being safe would calm my body.
It took the vast part of twenty minutes for my heart rate to return to a controllable rate, though even then the distant beat still toyed at my emotions, reminding me that my body wouldn't relax in the slightest until all of this was over. It prompted me to realise that I wasn't going to get a minute of sleep if I remained where I was, which could be detrimental to the events that may unfold in the hours that would follow. I needed to be well rested and with a clear mind. Being able to focus was vital, something that couldn't be done on a minimal amount of sleep, no matter how much adrenaline would arise as the events unfolded.
