Project: Karma

63 | Glass Wall

<Nagisa>
1 month later
For some reason when I woke up this morning, my palms were rather sweaty and I was pelted with random moments of headaches. I thought of whether I should head over to work but, my mind was all screwed that I don't think that I can.

I managed myself out of bed and walked out of the bedroom steadily without my wheelchair. It was to Nakaru's surprise that he saw me going leaps and bounds for the first time.

"Momma!" He poked his head up from the table and praised me. "You did it!" He happily giggled.

"Y-yeah" I smiled but the muscles on my face and everywhere else gave on me. It's like my whole body betrayed me all of a sudden.

I gradually slid down the wall I was supporting myself on and fell to my knees. My whole body was overheating, I don't feel so good.

"Momma! Momma! Are you okay?!" Nakaru jumped off the seat and raced over to me. He placed his hand on my forehead and gasped.

"Momma! You have a fever!" He pressed his face close to mine but I distanced myself from him because I knew I was sick too.

"I'm fine Naki." I coughed and noticed that there was a splat of blood on my hands. Not this again.

"M-momma!" He frighteningly shouted. "Momma you're going to die! I'm gonna call-"

I grabbed ahold of Nakaru's arm and pleadingly shook my head. I can't afford to burden anyone else. Though, the fact that I'm scaring him like this was more terrible of me.

"I'm going to go back to bed, don't call them." I painfully stood back up and leaned against the wall. Nakaru stood by my side and led me back to the room.

I plopped back onto my bed and Nakaru tucked me in. Then he rushed out of the run and came back with cold towels and a glass of water.
I have a sense that Shi had taught him more than I thought he would know. Or maybe he's just more aware than I thought.
On his way, he did happen to spill the water a little and found himself flustered and stared at the trail he made.

"D-don't worry about it." I motioned my arm.

"Momma..." Nakaru handed me the water and I could see his lips quiver in fear. My current state was frightening him gravely. I brushed his hair back and smiled.

"Nakaru, Momma is going to be just fine." I assured him however that didn't seem to encourage him in the slightest. He kept quiet as he placed the icy white towel on my forehead. He was trying not to cry in front of me.

If I wasn't so sick right now, I would hug him and kiss him. Nakaru is the one that is suffering too, not only me. I always wondered whether or not he liked living this kind of life. I wish that I alone, could take away all your sadness and pain but, I don't think you'll let me.

I closed my eyes for a bit and when I reopened then, I saw Karma. It was him, my Karma. I reached out my hand and he grabbed ahold of it. What kind of sick joke is this? You left us, you're so inconsiderate Karma. Do you know how much I've missed you?

"Karma, you're so mean." I started to tear in front of him. He didn't say anything but smile quietly at me. I hated this. Why aren't you talking? Let me hear your delicate voice. Karma, you still love me right?

My heart was burning such vulgarly. I was standing there in the lab again. Karma and I separated by a glass dome. Neither of us could touch but, we still managed to get our feelings across. It shattered. I stare at the glass wall falling down like acid rain, leaving cuts and gashes upon our flesh.

And you still stand their casually. I didn't move a muscle but you, you stood there and just kept on smiling so innocently. Karma, please call my name. Call my name because, I miss that voice of yours. I haven't heard your voice in 4 years. What does it sound like again?

This heart aching sensation that grips so intensely that even I, want to give in. Karma, I know that's you.
He sat on the bed and caressed my hair back and started to hum a tune. It was peaceful. It was the same tune that I hummed for you when you lost your memories. I sang it for you when I visited you, I knew you heard me back then.
I love you.

If you had asked, I would of said that I deeply yearned for your warm presence. I've lied tens of thousands each night just to get by. Deep down inside this broken heart, I've been loving you. I've been wanting you for so long. Why are you doing this to me?
Karma, please say you love me. Let me hear those words, so I can finally sleep at night. Remind me that my life as a scientist for you was worth the while. Don't let me regret it.

My vision began to blur and now I could only see the outlining of Karma. Please don't let me fall asleep, before you've even said that you love me so. I tried to keep awake but, it was no use. Karma kissed my hand and placed it against his cheek. He started to hum again.

I cried and cried, my eyes watering so heavily.
You're so cruel Karma.
•••••
<Nakaru>
Momma has been calling out papa's name for awhile but she fell asleep just now. I hopped off the bed and changed her towel that has been lying on her forehead for quite some time.  I've never seen Momma cry like that before. Papa is making Momma sad.

I took my sleeve and wiped away the tears left on Momma's face and kissed her cheek. I cuddled beside her and looked up to see that she had finally calmed down.

They've told me before that Papa really does love Momma, like how the fairy tale princes loved their princesses. But I've never seen it. All I see when Papa is mentioned, is Momma crying softly by herself.

I love Momma because she takes care of me. She thinks about me and my safety. Papa is never here and all he does is make Momma cry. I don't like that. I want to support Momma because, on the inside, she's wants someone to save her.

I sighed and squished myself closer to her. I don't care if I get sick, because Momma has done so much for me. I hear her heart thumping so peacefully. Her breathing sounded like the windless mornings.

Momma I really really love you. At least let me be the one who can ease your heart rather than waiting for Papa to say it.
Sometimes I see things like Papa just standing there doing nothing. I wonder if you can see him too.

I've figured it out already. Papa is not alive anymore. You don't have to hide it from me. I see the cage that you've locked yourself into Momma. Papa is not here with us anymore, please stop waiting for him to come home.