Past Present Future

.20

My head rested on my arms as I stared out of the classroom windows at the rain. Each pellet plastered against the glass with a different force. It was a soothing sound, something that zoned out all the other noises.

It was already hump day, the worlds most detested day of every week. Probably because it had no purpose and just made everyone realize that there were still two more days to go.

The conversation that Thomas and I shared late Monday night was still roaming around in my head. His last words were sticking to me like a poison ivy leaf, making me want to scratch at the annoying truth. It was no surprise that I was angry at the world; every little thing annoyed me, could be as small as someone writing too hard with their pencil. Thomas was blaming himself, he kept insisting that he should've just kept his mouth shut, that I would've realized 'the truth' on my own with time. I was done arguing with him about this so called 'truth', he was obviously convinced that I loved Ms Allen. Every time I thought about it, I got pissed off.

Why was I suddenly so much more of a mess? Maybe it was because I knew that Thomas was right. I knew he was right when he said that Ms Allen only wanted to help me, and knowing that she wasn't out to get me was scary. It was so scary that I forced myself to put up a wall. Yesterday during guidance I didn't say a word... not a peep. No matter how many times she questioned my silence or offered me candy, I just looked away at the clock, wishing the hour would end.

Of course the silence was pretty pointless, unless I planned on doing it everyday from now on. I'd eventually have to talk to her, and accept the fact that she could just be a really determined guidance counselor, with no negative intentions. Ultimately, I'd have to stop making enemies out of people who just wanted to help. It didn't matter that they couldn't help me, it just mattered that they wanted too. No matter what the problem, I knew right now and probably for the rest of the week, I wasn't going to be in a good mood.

Everything was jumbled up in my head. I kept thinking back to home, to Atlanta. When I knew what kind of messed up I was... when I was aware of all my problems. Now, two weeks at Woodlands and I'm questioning everything.

Back in Atlanta I was a badass. I didn't give a fuck about anyone. I didn't think about other people's feelings when I did things because none of it mattered to me. I was ruthless, dangerous even. It didn't take much to tick me off and I'd explode. I spent my days smoking and drinking, running the streets like tomorrow wasn't going to come. I guess in my head, tomorrow wasn't going to come. I had seen first hand just how fast life could change.  I felt the pain of change and that's why I was always on high alert.

Finally the bell rang and I jumped up, everyone fumbled from their seats, heading towards the exit. Once in the hall, I saw Thomas waiting for me so I walked in his direction. Before I could reach him I dropped my notebook on the ground, as I leaned to pick it up some girl stepped on it almost crushing my fingers. I managed to compose my rage at first, figuring she was just a stupid freshman... it wasn't until I heard her laughing with her friend that I lifted from the ground and put my hand on her shoulder. The pit inside of me was boiling with fury, I didn't know what happened but before I could stop I had her on the floor while my fist swung back and forth. Seconds later we were surrounded by a huge crowd and a large body was pulling me off of the shaking girl. My eyes were pinched and my breathing was labored.

"What the hell Tan?!" Thomas was still gripping my waist as I was trying my hardest to get back at the girl. Before I had the chance a familiar voice was rushing over to the audience and the girl put her hand over her bleeding lip while standing to her feet.

"Everyone better get to class before I start writing offenses!" His black slacks and white shirt were freshly ironed, most of the students reluctantly left the scene while whispering to their friends and giving me odd glances. Thomas and I tried to leave the scene, but of course we were both stopped by Mr. Gains along with the wounded girl.