what came before won't count anymore · deh

xxiii

the coffee shop across the street from school is the last place evan went before he -

broke his arm.

and now he sits there again, two tables down from where he'd sat that day, except now it's... 3:14 pm and not sunset and not drizzling.

and he's not alone - jared sits across from him and alana sits to his left on a high top table against the wall.

and he is drinking something with a lot of cinnamon and he hasn't really had cinnamon since he was little so maybe he's allergic to it now and maybe he should've worried about that before he let jared buy him a drink and why did he even let jared buy him a drink anyways jared does too much for him? but he's already got the cup to his lips when the thoughts cross his mind.

"what did happen between you and connor?"

evan chokes on his coffee, half because it's hot and half because he did not expect those words to come out of alana's mouth.

"wh-why would anything - what do you mean, what happened?"

"listen, evan. i'm - i just - you know i won't tell anyone about anything you confide in me."

that one earns a snort from jared, who puts his coffee cup down on the table with a bit of unnecessary force. "yeah, okay."

"jared," evan warns, and jared rolls his eyes. evan kind of sees where jared is coming from - alana isn't really the best confidant, and she's known to run her mouth and not know when to stop it.

but then again, so is he.

"okay, i just... i accidentally texted him and then we started talking and i didn't even know if he thought we were like friends or whatever but then he -"

and he stops himself, biting the inside of his cheek to try to stop his voice from cracking.

"he - you know. and then we got together and we were talking and then he... mighthavemaybekissedme?"

alana nods, tapping her fingers on the table.

"and - and i don't know what that does to us like does he still want to be friends? does he hate me? i don't even know if i like guys like that i don't even know if i like him like that and he's like... really pretty to look at and he cares about me but i just - i don't know."

"okay, evan, i think this is something you and connor need to talk out. do you want me to tell him what you told me?"

almost overlapping her, evan yells out, "no! i mean, no, i don't want you to. do that. i - i can."

alana nods again, this time slower, and takes a sip from her drink. "okay. that's okay. i'm here for you if you need anything."

"so am i," jared says, and there's a weird edge in his voice that evan tries to ignore.

"thank you," evan says quietly, except it's not to his friends - friends - but to the wood of the table.

he traces circles on the wood until it starts to rain outside, and he's extremely glad that he has people to stop him from walking out of the coffee shop like he had that day that seemed like a million years ago.