what came before won't count anymore · deh

xiv

going back to school after a suicide attempt is - well.

it's stares and whispers and people looking at him as he passes by and not taking their eyes off him, so it's not exactly anything different.

but it's also people coming up to him and asking him how he's doing asking if he's okay because he's the kid with bipolar disorder and depression and a slew of other shit who tried to jump from a bridge and kill himself, didn't you know?

he's a ticking time bomb and every time he twitches people duck under their desks because he's going to explode.

so connor murphy stays in his normal hoodie and sweatpants because he's not allowed to - and can't - wear jeans with this bulky cast of his. he's on one crutch - his left side, for his left leg, for the side he twisted towards because he didn't want to have his dominant arm mangled when he went six feet under.

and then he sees evan again, and when he smiles - this sad excuse for a smile, closed mouth, purses lips, but a smile either way - evan turns and walks away.