Defeated

IV- Letters To Him

#1

Greyson, it's been a week. 

I never thought heartbreak was a real thing, but in this week I've felt nothing but pain. Heartbreak is horrible. Loosing you is horrible. Living is horrible. I feel stupid, writing this when I know you will never read it, but I hope it helps. I hope it helps me in anyway possible.

Your funeral was agonising. I didn't want to go. I felt like attending was confirming that you were gone, and I didn't want to do that, not with your baby growing inside of me.

Everyone was shocked. I still am shocked. 

I don't really know what they think. I haven't left my room. I can't step outside and see you everywhere, but not have you next to me.

I think I hear you sometimes, in my head. I know it's my imagination, but I so desperately want to hear the word sugar again.

I love you, and one day I know I'll see you again. I'll be able to apologise for not telling you. I wish you knew that you will soon have a child in this world. That will forever be one of my greatest regrets.

I'm sorry.

-Sugar

#2

Greyson, I miss you. 

I feel so alone.

I think my mother is dead.

I should feel sad, but I think all my pain is focused on you.

Rogue has taken control of the town. I've not witnessed it, I've still not stepped out of my room, but Brooke has told me. Apparently no one can go anywhere without being watched. He has men everywhere. The house is the only place where we are safe.

Ace still hasn't woken up. He's been in a coma since the battle. With him asleep and you gone... It falls to me. But I'm not a leader. I don't know what to do. I can't even leave my room. You always knew what to do, the pack looked up to you. I can't be a Luna, not without you.

I'm scared, Greyson.

I don't know what to do without you.

-Sugar

#3

Greyson, I left my room today.

To leave the security of my room was scary. I saw pack members for the first time in three weeks. I thought they would be annoyed, for retreating into myself and not doing anything, but they were the opposite. They welcomed me back with open arms and were so supporting.

Your pack may seem scary on the outside, but they are so kind and strong, even in times likes this. Wait- our pack. Our pack is strong.

I still need you. I still need you to help me, but with the help of the pack, I'm sure we can manage for now.

But in the long run, I need you back, Greyson. I know it won't happen and I know I'm just fooling myself by writing these letters, but I can't help it. 

I'll continue to write to you, Greyson.

For however long I need to.

-Sugar

#4

Greyson, Rogue visited today.