Our Song

Our Song (15)

I didn't turn back toward him, mostly because I was sure the look on my face would give how I was feeling away.

I was scared. I really was. I had told myself that I didn't judge Blake for having schizophrenia, and I wasn't. But that didn't mean that I wasn't scared about what it all meant. The illness that he had was serious, and it wasn't something that could be taken lightly. I had no idea how I was supposed to deal with it.

"Leah," Mr. Meyers started now, and I heard him get out of his chair. "Look at me."

I didn't want to. Looking at him meant he would see my face, which meant he would see the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes.

"Did something happen with Blake?" he now asked, and I could hear him coming closer to me. "I noticed that you didn't pay a lot of attention to him in class today. Did something happen between the two of you?"

I wanted him to stop asking me questions, because it just made me want to cry even more. Thinking about Blake wasn't something that I wanted to do at that moment...

"Nothing happened between us," I answered, and it was the truth. Blake didn't know that I knew anything at all...

"Somehow I don't believe that," Mr. Meyers informed me, and I couldn't blame him. "Something's wrong, Leah, and I can tell that you've been trying your hardest to hide it from everyone today."

"Why do you let Blake listen to music during class while no one else can?" I asked, spinning on him now so I was facing him. I wasn't expecting him to be so close though; we were now toe-to-toe. "Why is Blake allowed to listen to music even though it's been a rule for years that no one can listen to music during class?"

Mr. Meyers stared down at me, and I knew he was trying to think of an appropriate answer that he could tell me. He didn't have the authority to tell me that Blake had schizophrenia...

"Why are you crying?" he whispered, and I didn't know if he asked me this to ignore my question or if he was genuinely worried about me.

"I'm not crying," I denied as I wiped at my eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about..."

My teacher reached forward, wiping under my eyes with his thumb to get rid of the tears that I was still denying were there. I didn't push him away like I normally would have; I let him wipe them away for me because I honestly was too tired and weak at that moment to do it myself.

"Did he hurt you?" Mr. Meyers asked now, both of his hands on either side of my face now as more tears fell from my eyes.

"No," I sniffed, shaking my head and taking a step away from my teacher. "I just... I don't feel well today. I wasn't even going to come to school but Cassie forced me to."

"Then go to the nurse," Mr. Meyers instructed, moving over to my desk and filling out a slip for me. "You shouldn't be here if you feel sick. I hope you get better soon."

He talked to me like we were close friends, even boyfriend and girlfriend, not teacher and student. I found it weird, but he was giving me an excuse to leave school early, so it wasn't like I was going to complain.

I left Mr. Meyers's classroom as quickly as I could, only nodding a goodbye to him before I headed toward the front office, where I knew my freedom was waiting for me.

The nurse made me lie down on a cot while she called my mother, who didn't work so she should have been at home. Unless she was out doing something stupid, I should have been out of there in no time...

"We couldn't get ahold of your mother," the nurse informed me, and I felt like screaming at my mother because I knew that she was probably out shopping. "You'll just have to stay here until school ends."

Of course. Now I was going to have to lie on this stupid cot for over an hour. All because my mother just couldn't go through the day without shopping...

Luckily, I was able to do what I needed the most. I slept for most of the time I had to stay, which made me feel a little better, even with everything that was going on around me. I would feel better once I got home and was able to think...

The bell rang, but the nurse told me that I couldn't leave. I looked at her as if she was insane, but she merely shrugged at me and said I couldn't leave without a parent or guardian there to pick me up.

I was going to be there forever.

I almost screamed when I saw Blake standing over me a few minutes after the bell had rung, and I almost shoved my head under the pillow that it was resting on.

"Are you alright?" Blake asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "I got worried when I saw you weren't in seventh period."

"I'm fine, I just... got kind of dizzy," I lied, readjusting myself on the cot uncomfortably. "I haven't been feeling well all day."

That wasn't exactly a lie. I had been driving myself crazy, and it was all because of Blake. He hadn't left my mind since I had followed him to the hospital the day before.

"I thought that it had something to do with Mr. Meyers, honestly," Blake admitted, not sitting down in one of the chairs beside the cot I was lying on. "I was really worried when you never showed up to seventh period. I didn't know what he could have done to you."

I felt like crying. I wanted to cry more than I ever had before. I wanted Blake to hold me while I cried, and I wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything would be okay, that I didn't care if he had schizophrenia. But my mouth wouldn't even let me utter the word.

"He just wanted to talk to me about a missing assignment that I had..." I forced a smile, hoping that he wouldn't notice that I was totally lying to him. "Honest."

He smiled back at me, reaching forward and holding his hand over mine. "I'm glad."

This would have been the perfect time to tell him that I knew everything, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't know how he would react to me knowing his precious secret that he had tried so hard to keep from me...

"Leah, are you okay?" I heard a new voice ask now, totally ruining the entire moment. I looked over to see Cassie, who was about to say something else until she saw Blake standing next to the cot. "Oh. You're here."

"Cassie,' I snapped, not able to help myself.

"Are you okay, Leah?" Cassie now asked, walking right by Blake as she examined me. "I didn't know you were this sick this morning! I never would have made you get out of bed this morning if I knew you were this sick!"

"It's fine, Cassie," I coughed, still trying to feign illness. Cassie looked like she believed it, but Blake didn't. "It's not your fault. I didn't feel as bad this morning as I do now."

My best friend since childhood sighed. "That's good!"

I looked over at Blake, who looked very uncomfortable now. I felt bad for him, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside his head. What was he thinking, and what were the voices telling him?

I had to tell him that I knew. It wasn't something I could have just brushed off. He wanted to hide it from me forever, and if I ever wanted to get anywhere with him, I was going to have to know.

I was going to tell him the next day. I just had to.

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