Lost in the Shadows

Chapter 23

Lucy couldn't keep the smile off her face, even though the happiness didn't truly radiate to her soul. She couldn't help worrying whether she was doing the right thing, uprooting her boys and moving them halfway across the country to be closer to her aging dad. But she was a worrier by nature. She had grown up in Santa Carla and had fond memories of striding the pier with her girlfriends, long hot summers sprawled on the shore. A fresh start was what they all needed after the divorce. Maybe the ocean air would be good for the boys. Sammy had withdrawn further into his world of comic books and Michael had thrown himself so hard into weightlifting these days that Lucy was afraid he would give himself a hernia.

She glanced across the front seat to where Michael rested against the window, his mouth slightly open and his eighteen year old features relaxed enough to make him appear much younger. Adjusting the rear view mirror she could see fourteen year old Sam curled up on the back seat with Nanook, the beautiful wolf-like malamute that never left his side. Michael could get himself a job, maybe at the boardwalk, to see him through the summer season before concentrating on something a little more permanent and Sammy was so outgoing she was sure he wouldn't struggle to make new friends when school started. Maybe Lucy could even get herself a job again. Her ex hadn't really liked her working, to the point that it caused so many arguments she had handed in her notice years ago. But this was her time, time to do something for herself again. Besides, she couldn't expect her dad to support them all, that wasn't why she'd come back. They just needed a little more time to get back on their feet that was all. The divorce had rinsed her dry.

Yes, Lucy thought as she straightened up in her seat, a change would be good for all of them. Santa Carla, here we come! The last sign had said 32 miles, with any luck they would be there soon after sun rise.

*****

'Fuckssake,' Tozier muttered, grinding the palm of his hand into his tired eyes to wipe out the sleep dust that had gathered in the corner. 'I'm comin', I'm comin'. Bloody loons...' He wrenched the salon door open and blinked sleepily into the darkness. 'Salon's not open til the morning, and I mean regular people hours in the – Star?' he growled, reaching a hand out to drag her roughly inside. His warm, strong arms wrapped her in a bear hug and the gruff, half asleep Tozier breathed in the scent of the night from Star's long, loose hair. 'So good to see you, girl. What's up? Why you banging on my door at this crazy time? Coulda used the back ya know.' He kicked the door closed and stashed Patience behind the counter again before turning to get a better look at Star.

'You need some coffee. Hell, I need some coffee too. Let's head upstairs. Chris is away for the weekend, let me put some goddamned lights on before I trip and break my neck.' He rubbed the side of his throat thoughtfully, with a sideways glance at Star as his big hand lingered there. Star couldn't help but grin, following her hulk of a friend through the back and up to the apartment above.

Star had forgotten how good a strong cup of coffee – watered down with brandy – could warm her soul. Curled up in the crook of Tozier's beefy arm with her coffee cup cradled in both hands, the normalcy of his clean and tidy apartment made Star feel almost human again.

'I've seen his face around,' Tozier nodded after Star had revealed the latest situation with Laddie. 'Even before the posters went up. His mom's a drifter, poor kid gets dragged from place to place so she can get her next fix. It's good he's got you to watch out for him now, but man, why would David do that?'

'He said it was for me. Because I would want to be a mother at some point,' Star muttered, dejectedly.

'And would you?'

'I don't know. I don't even know if I want this life any more, let alone someone else to look after. Obviously I'm not going to just leave Laddie, not now, but I didn't have a choice. I wouldn't have chosen that for Laddie if I had a choice.' She took a long sip of her coffee and let out a heavy sigh. Tozier gave a long, low whistle from between his teeth.

'Woah, girl, you're saying you don't want to be a vamp anymore? Bit late for backtracking, don'tcha think?'

Star looked around the minimalistic, neat lounge, the soft and warm glow of the standing lamp in the corner was just as comforting as the warmth of Tozier at her side.

'I think I could keep going if David was with me, he makes me feel so strong, so invincible, you know? But he's been so distant with me lately, ever since he bought Laddie back really, that I can't help feeling he never cared for me at all.'

'If that were true, Star, he could have left you in that gawdawful place to die. If he really didn't care about you he wouldn't have come to get me, right?' His big, blonde moustache twitched as he cleared his throat, preferring not to think back on those hideous events. 'Am I right?'

'I guess, but I don't get why he's pushing me away so much. It hurts more than I ever thought it could. I'm scared of being alone, Tozier, I can't do this on my own.'

'You're strong, you can do anything. Besides, you're not on your own, sweets, you've got old Tozier on your side, right? Plus Dwayne, surely he's around?' Star's smooth skin reddened and she lowered her wide, brown eyes as a fingertip traced the rim of her half-empty cup.

'That's not exactly what I meant. David's the first guy I've – well, um – loved,' she bit her lower lip and shrugged in the hope Tozier would catch her drift. He did and boomed with laughter that shook Star beside him so vigorously that she had to quickly put her cup down on the table to avoid the risk of slopping the contents all over them both.

'Ohh, girl!' He squeezed her shoulders. 'They'll be others. So many others. You're a blooming rose, enchanting I'm sure! I've never seen you look so good – your eyes sparkle, your hair is so thick and lustrous and man, I shouldn't say this, but your ass!'

'That's just it, Tozier, I don't want there to be others. I just want him.' David's ice-blue eyes, twinkling with a knowing smirk, flashed through her mind and caused a delicious shiver to slide down her spine. She remembered the soft feathery strokes of his caressing hands on her skin, making her sigh and moan with delight – an echo of that one epic night etched forever into her memory. Her cheeks deepened in colour as she felt glad Tozier couldn't read her thoughts.

'But he doesn't seem to want you. You're so young, just a child. You haven't learnt yet that not all men are as honest as old Tozier. Pick yourself back up, brush off the dust and get back out there! You have eternal beauty on your side now, and you've always had a beautiful soul.' He chucked her gently under the chin.

'Hey, Tim Capello's playing the boardwalk in a couple of days. I know you used to love his stuff, come down and party. I'll shut up shop at 11, might even buy you a hotdog or two? That is, if vampires still have good taste in music?' His grin was so warm that Star couldn't help but smile back.

'I'm not quite a vampire yet, Tozier. I still have to make my first kill, remember?' She gnashed her teeth playfully.

'Well go make it out there, girl, I don't want to have to turn Patience on you. Maybe I'll get myself that silver stake from my kill-kit and call it Patsy...I'm an accomplished vamp killer now, as well as tattooist extraordinaire!' Star laughed.

'I did hear all about your heroics from Dwayne.'

'Any news on that bloodsucker's father-figure?'

'No, not that David's told us about anyway.'

'Doesn't hurt to be cautious though. Let me grab that stake, I'll walk you home?' Star laughed again. 'Man it's good to hear that sound,' Tozier grinned, pulling his friend close to place a fatherly kiss on top of her dark curls.

'I could fly quicker than you could walk me, don't worry. I'll be fine.' Star felt a little lighter, having visited her friend, stronger than she had in a while. Tozier was right, she should just take it on the chin and move on. It's not like she'd never had a knock back in life before, right?

'Don't get yourself put on the back of a milk carton,' he said as he walked her down the stairs and out onto the shop floor. Star gave him a wink and slipped out the door, a twinkle of her spangled shawl that faded quickly into a patch of stars in the dark night.