He's not my dad

Chapter 43

Life was hard post chuck, touring together was torture. We saw each other every day and didn't speak. It had been 4 weeks since he left and it wasn't getting any easier. The longer we went without speaking the harder it became to be around him. Chuck wasn't affected like I was, I couldn't be in the same room as him when I didn't have to be. When we had interviews we would sit at opposite ends of the sofa. This was noticed by everyone who interview us, they had been use to us flirting and sitting closely. We had never commented on the speculation surrounding our break up , we didn't have to it was obvious. We didn't even speak the each other in public it was all very awkward.

I was counting down the days until the end of our contract,  I wasn't enjoying the tour like I had before. Because chuck and I couldn't be around each other it meant I was isolating myself from the band entirely. It hadn't gone unnoticed, the big wigs at the record company and the team who managed us had talked to both chuck and i about it and how our not speaking was affecting the band. I tried to be around him but I couldn't bare it. Just thinking about him made my heart ache and my eyes fill.

We had been on the road for just over 3 weeks left and had many more until it was over. I had to try and get on with it, i needed to be able to be around him. I was contracted to the label for another 13 months then that would be it. The band had been annoyed at time time that we had only been signed in for 2 years but now I'm grateful for it. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I don't know what the next step in my career will be but I know it is I'll be away from New York.

New York is full of ghosts, I need a fresh start. I need to be able to move on and I can't if I'm going to be reminded of my mistakes. I know now that dating chuck was a mistake, I should never have let my heart rule me. It was always going to end this way between us, it was the only way it would ever end. How could we possibly work when I had been with his dad beforehand. I had been warned that it would go sour and it has.

I never knew love could hurt this much, I feel like I would rather be alone forever than be with someone and feel like this again if it didn't work.

I was so in my head I was going crazy, I had to get out of my room and go out to the other guys. I knew chuck would be there but I needed to get over it.  I needed to start living, I deserve a life.

The main room of the bus is loud and full of activity, everyone sounds like their having a good time. I stop dead in my tracks when I see chuck sat on a pull out chair with a blonde scantily dressed woman on his lap. I somehow manage to make myself move again, it was hard but I did it.

Everyone stilled and looked at me, I felt like I was intruding. It was like I wasn't wanted there, I didn't want to spoil anyone's time so I turned on my heel to leave.

A half grasped my arm making me jump, I turned and saw Anthony stood closely behind me.

"Come on , were just playing cards " he said as he guided me to the table where him and Freddie were sat.

I walked past chuck and noticed that he didn't even look up at me, he was too preoccupied with his new friend. I felt a pang of pain, it was like a pain I had never felt before.

I took the seat beside Freddie and took a large gulp of his drink. The vodka burnt my throat, I hoped it would numb the pain that consumed me. I never thought I would be the type to break over a man, I couldn't go through this again. I had thought it hurt when my relationship with Greg had ended but that pain was nothing compared with how I felt now.

I was able to get over Greg because I had chuck, now I had no one. I was traveling around America with chuck and his best friends. I had accepted that we had ended but I wasn't ready to see him with anyone else so soon, that had hurt more than I thought possible.

I looked ahead and did my best to ignore the woman who was throwing herself at chuck. It was hard but I managed to concentrate on the game and had little energy left to obsess over chuck and his whore. I felt bad for thinking so badly of the woman, she could have been a lovely person but she was all over the man I loved and it was taking everything I had not to pull the cheap extensions from her scalp.

"You ok, I'm glad you came out of your room" Anthony said kindly as he returned from the fridge with beer.

"Me too, it's time to start living right" I said dryly. I drank my beer like my throat was dry, it was almost gone in two drinks.

"Yeah, live it up rock and roll style" Freddie said with a wink as he took a small bag from his pocket. He poor some white powder on the table and proceeded to create lines. I had never taken Cocaine but I knew that's what I was.

"So what would a rock star do , enlighten me" I joked trying not to focus on the substance that was spread out before me.

Freddie rolled a note and in a swift movement hoovered up the powder.

I felt myself cringing at the sight, it certainly wasn't something I was interested in doing.

"Drugs, sex and parties. Now your single you can enjoy the perks of being a rock star" Anthony said as he prepared to take a line.

I looked at chuck who was facing me, he looked down at the powder then back up at me. There was a stern warning in his eyes, like he thinks I will listen to his warnings.

Anthony put out his hand and gestured for me to take the rolled up note. I looked at it like it would give me the answer.

I shook my head "no drugs for me, I guess I'll have to double up on the sex"