Behind Classroom Doors (student/teacher)

XVI- ControlHer

I try to sit up but Dean pushes me back down. "Stop pretending like you're so fucking innocent. Just live a little." Dean grabs the top of my Jeans and begins sliding them down. "I've been thinking about this since that night at the club. When you were wearing that tight black dress." He says more to himself as he looks shamelessly at my body.

Then Dean hovers over me again only this time with no pants on. "Please," I plead, scared that he might actually force me into sleeping with him.

Dean sighs angrily, "What is up with you?" He gets off of me standing up completely.

I grab my shirt and put it back on. "Me? What's up with you?" 

"I'm not the one that's completely pulled away. You've changed this year."

Now it's my turn to be angry, I stand up, "I've changed? You're so controlling it's no wonder I don't want to sleep with you." His hand is so quick that I don't even have time to flinch before it connects with my face.

I look up at him in shock. He grabs my arms so that I'm forced to pay attention, "Why can't you ever just listen? What you said was mean, Liv." His tone has completely changed and I know that I'm done arguing with him.

"I'm sorry." I apologize.

"I love you, tell me you still love me."

I search his eyes for something that I haven't been able to find, the old Dean. The Dean that I did love with everything I had. The Dean that I would have gladly given my virginity to. The Dean that made me feel safe instead of scared. The Dean that's gone now.

A part of me wants to tell him I hate him and want him to leave but I can't. Not even because of the fear bubbling inside of me but because he's all I've ever loved. I want to help him, I want to heal whatever is happening that's making him act this way. I want my Dean back. "I do love you, Dean." I respond, finally seeing that look in his eyes that makes me believe there's hope.

His hand comes up and runs along my face gently. I close my eyes as he does, "Good." He whispers. "I know I've been controlling but I can feel you pull away and it scares the hell out of me."

"Just because I'm not ready to have sex doesn't mean I'm pulling away." I know I'm lying to him and myself. If he hadn't changed so drastically I might've been willing even before graduation.

With that Dean lets me go but not before kissing my forehead. He leans down and picks up my Jeans, "You can put these back on." I slowly grab them, not breaking eye contact. "Do you still want pizza?" He asks, I know he's being sweet because he feels guilty but there's a knot in my stomach.

"I'm not hungry." I admit.

Dean chuckles softly, walking over to my laptop, "Don't be ridiculous you have to eat something. We can watch a movie and cuddle up on the couch." Just like that he's back to normal. I don't understand how he can just flip personalities like that. Regardless, I know I'm going to have to tread lightly.

"This dress doesn't fit me anymore." Jenny whines as she shows us the slightly too tight dress. "It sucks."

I shake my head at her, knowing Becca and I are on the same page, "People grow out of clothes, it's totally normal."

She looks in the mirror one last time before undoing the zipper. "It's not normal for me...I wanted to look really nice for me and Jake's anniversary." Jenny walks over to her closet and pulls a dress out that she recently bought. The tags are still on it so she pulls them off and tries on the dress. It's a white bodycon with a thin fabric that leaves little to the imagination.

"That looks amazing. Wear that one." Becca says.

"Yeah and besides, you won't be wearing it long before he'll want to rip it off of you." I add.

Jenny smiles in the mirror as she looks at herself, "Yeah, this is the one. Thanks guys." Jenny takes it off and puts it in her bag.

Once she gets on her regular clothes we head to school. Jenny wanted this emergency meeting this morning to help pick out an outfit. I, of course, was bribed with coffee. When we make it to school I see Dean and smile, he walks up to me and gives me a good morning kiss followed by a hug.

Two weeks ago when Dean hit me it left a light bruise but I played it off like usual. It sucks that it's normal for me but I'm actually getting used lying on the spot. Besides each day I'm getting a little more of the Dean I fell in love with.

I think a lot of it has to do with how I'm acting like his girlfriend again instead of pulling away. Even more of that has to do with the fact that I'm still distancing myself from Mr. Morgan. No more confusing thoughts are circling through my brain.

That being said, I think I'm finally ready to go back to being Mr. Morgan's TA. Even Dean agreed it will be good to pick up some of the extra credit while I still can.

"Good morning." Dean says as he pulls away but grabs my hand.

"Good morning." I respond as he guides me to class.

When class is over I decide to stay after so that I can ask Mr. Morgan if he still wants a TA. He hasn't talked to me outside of class at all so when I stay behind he looks up in surprise.

"Livia." He says. "What can I do for you?"

"I want to be your TA. I know I haven't been for the last couple of weeks but I needed some space." His expression is completely unreadable.

Mr. Morgan crosses his arms over his chest and leans back in his chair. "I understand. If you want to come by after school that's fine. I want you to know that you don't have to worry about me. I was serious when I said nothing you don't want to happen will happen." When I look into his eyes I know he means it.

I relax, "Thank you, Mr. Morgan. I'll see you after school."