12 • 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖑

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I have never in my life woken up this happy and content before and it felt weird- more than that, it felt wrong. It was suspicious to me and it made me wary about everything.
Something was bound to go wrong and I had to mentally prepare myself for that but for the time being, I was gonna allow myself to enjoy this feeling.
My eyes fluttered open as my ears registered some voices somewhere in the house, peaking my curiosity.
I blinked a couple times as my blurry eyes registered the empty space that was previously occupied by Kells, my heart falling a little as my body didn't register his touch anymore.
I had a feeling his voice was one of the ones downstairs, putting me at ease- at least I knew where he was.
I let out a groan as I sat up straight, cracking my spine as I let the sheets fall off my still-naked body. The bruises marking the length of my legs and waist brought a smile to my lips, remembering how his lips felt on my skin when he made them. I was sure there were more in places I couldn't see which warmed me up on the inside- he left more of a mark in me, rather than on me, and he didn't even know.
I laughed to myself as I got off the bed, feeling high from my feels,
"God, you're fucked."
Oh, you fucking know it.
I shoved away the impending self-disappointment starting to make its way into my head as I slipped on my panties that were on the floor, listening to my back pop a little as I bent down. If anything, he'd probably kill me from tiring me out rather than getting me caught up in drug dealing- the chances of that were higher at the moment.
I smiled to myself at the thought of him again, quickly slipping into the hoodie I came here in before leaving the room. The hardwood floor beneath my bare feet was cold but I didn't register it, every sense of mine honed in on the voices I came closer to with each passing second.
I immediately recognized the other voice and it sent the bad kind of shivers down my spine. It made me stop right in my tracks, leaving me to hide behind the wall that hid me from the top of the staircases' landing.
The two men were standing in the foyer, I could tell that much. I felt my heart start to pick up its pace as the familiar voice spoke up again, his words now comprehensible to me,
"Cut the bullshit, Colson- where's the girl?"
It didn't take me long to realize it was Diddy, the man that made Machine Gun Kelly a nervous train-wreck on the inside. I clocked the fact that he used Kells' real name which was not a good sign. My heart started to drop as Kells sighed deeply, the tone in his voice obviously showing that he was tired but also wary about the tone in Diddy's voice,
"She's sleepin'."
My ears immediately caught the shuffle of shoes and then heavy footsteps as someone, i'm guessing Diddy, started walking up the stairs,
"Where?"
In that moment, I felt everything just start moving in slow motion as I turned back around, running back to his room as fast as I could. The little burst of adrenaline I felt did nothing to calm me down as I tried my best to stealthily get away from the approaching man.
If I wanted to get out of this alive, I'd have to act- act asleep and innocent.
I blocked out every panicked thought as I jumped back into his bed, pulling the silk covers up to my nose as I heard Kells' slightly panicked voice growing closer.
I also heard both of their footsteps echoing down the hallway mixed with their argumentative voices, each distant footstep thudding along with my heartbeat.
You need to control your breath, idiot.
Somehow, I managed to do just that in time as I heard the door open and Kells speaking up somewhat-loud and clear,
"Diddy, c'mon, man, can we do this later?"
I kept my eyes closed tight, not daring to change up my breathing or move my eyes beneath my lids- I just kept myself still as anyone could be.
I listened to the silence in the room, unsure of what to do next. Before I could think of my next move, I heard someones' footsteps on the wood floor- someone was rounding the corner of the bed until they were facing my huddled body.
I could tell it wasn't Kells from the width of the shadow against my eyelids and I thanked the sunrise- the one time I was grateful for the harsh sunlight.
It felt as if an eternity had passed before I heard one of their voices, Kells' being the first one to speak up,
"You still haven't told me why you're here."
The sudden chuckle that Diddy emitted made goosebumps rise on my arms, his words sending another set of bad shivers down my spine,
"Well, a little birdy told me you had a mystery woman at the warehouse a few days ago and I just had to see her for myself,"
The airy tone in his voice did nothing to calm my nerves and I didn't have to open my eyes to know Kells felt the same way.
He cleared his throat but was cut off once again by his boss,
"I also had to hear for myself, from you, that you were that fucking stupid to bring her there."
The sudden shift in words made me wanna drop the act and back him up but I stifled my angry feelings, sticking to acting like I was asleep.
My ears caught Kells sighing from behind me, his feet shuffling around from foot to foot as he paced the length of the bed,
"Sean, she's a friend, okay? I know you're afraid that she'll spill shit but trust me- she won't."
A friend?
I swallowed the hurt as I kept my eyes closed, pushing that to the back of my head.
Diddy scoffed, pausing before replying in the calm manner of his,
"And how the fuck do you know that? Her friend is already causin' some trouble- what makes you think she won't?"
It didn't take me long to realize he was talking about Nick and the mention of him made my ears perk up a little.
I stifled the confusion starting to suffocate me as I tried my hardest to control myself.
I heard Kells sigh again, his bored tone making it obvious that now was not the time to be talking about him,
"What does his actions have to do with her? Just 'cause he's being a little bitch and avoiding me 'n the rest of the crew doesn't mean she's gonna snitch. That's irrelevant."
Diddy chuckled one more time, the sarcasm dripping from his laugh making it known that he wasn't amused one bit,
"You're talkin' like you know the woman. You just met her and you trust her? Thought I raised you better than that."
No, you made him worse.
I was ready to give up this act and face up to Diddy- make it known that he did nothing to help Kells become the man he could've been.
Kells scoffed but bit his tongue, letting silence envelope the three of us once again- it was almost palpable.
As I was ready to act like I had just woken up, just to break the ice, Diddy spoke back up again, nothing but menace in his voice,
"If she plays some shit on us... you know what i'll do. I don't care if you love her or some corny ass shit like that- I will kill her."
The threat sent a shockwave through me, making my muscles tense up. I wanted nothing more than just to get the fuck out of here and away from Diddy, away from Kells, but I felt frozen to the spot.
As I racked my brain for ways to get myself out of this shithole, one pair of heavy footsteps receded away, leaving just the two of us in the room- in silence. I assumed Diddy was the one that had stepped out so I peeked over my shoulder, my eyes immediately meeting Kells'.
There was a certain look in his ice cold eyes that I couldn't explain and it unnerved me a little but it didn't phase me that much- it was the look I was so used to seeing around town before I knew him.
He just looked like a blank canvas- his face free of emotion.
I felt my eyes widen a little as he just stood there in front of me, the blankest of blank looks on his face as he studied me.
Well, this is awkward.
I cleared my throat, sitting up straight as I felt the bile rising up my throat,
"I should go."
The silence ensued and Kells didn't make a move to break it, which made me feel even more wary than I already was. I glanced up from the sheets to make eye contact once again but was taken aback as he stepped forward, my eyes involuntarily trailing down his bare stomach before meeting his stare again.
He clenched his jaw as he spoke, his reserved and clipped tone sending a pang through my chest with every word,
"I shouldn't have taken you there. I should've listened to myself without listening to you-"
I shook my head, not in the mood to watch him wallow in self-pity. I let my eyes fall down on the triple X tattoo above the low-rise hem of his joggers, allowing myself to speak freely,
"No, just stop-"
Kells groaned, snapping out of the blank daze of his as he ran a hand through his hair, facing his back to me as if he couldn't bare to look at me anymore,
"God- how the fuck do you expect me to stop? I knew this would fuckin' happen and now look- it's fucking happening."
He glanced back over his shoulder as he paced around in a circle, his aggravation evident in his actions. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him, tearing them away from his cold stare, 
"So fucking what? I'm just a friend, remember? Nothing more, nothing less."
His demeanor changed in an instant, as if a switch was flipped. Kells sighed deeply as he stepped closer towards me, his voice softer and calmer than before,
"Oh, Lillian, c'mon- you know I had to say that-"
He didn't have to say shit snd he knew it. I scoffed, forcing my eyes to meet his as he stared down at me, eyes fixated on me and eyebrows furrowed,
"No, I know, you're right. Because if you told him that we've been fucking, he'll make you feel like a fool,"
I clocked the way his eyebrows relaxed as I kept talking and the way panic started filling the void in his icy eyes,
"But whatever- make me feel like the fool."
He sighed again once he realized he was losing control of the situation. Kells stepped even closer which forced me to shy away from him- surprisingly I didn't want to be close to him,
"Lillian, stop and listen to me,"
But I didn't stop- I wasn't in the mood to play games anymore and I doubt he did too. I whipped the covers off me and got off the bed, hoping he'd move out of the way but he didn't.
Kells pressed his chest up against me as he grabbed ahold of my arms, forcing me to stay where I was.
"Lillian,"
I groaned, trying my hardest to get out of his grasp but he wouldn't budge, leaving me to look like a little kid who was throwing a fit with their parent,
"Kells-"
"I didn't mention what we have for your sake, you needa know that. I know you know that."
His hands wound up around my cheeks, forcing my face up so I had no choice but to look back into those soft eyes of his. His gaze was enough to make me melt, like usual, but a part of me knew now was not the time to fall for his charm.
I pursed my lips, trying my hardest not to let my voice crack as I met his gaze once more,
"What do we have?"
Kells blinked a couple times, his eyebrows furrowing and unfurrowing quickly as he considered the answer. I knew he wasn't expecting that but I wasn't expecting this shit either,
"I don't know yet- but it's somethin', don't you think?"
That vague answer was the best he could give me at this point and I couldn't blame the man for the lame answer. He probably wasn't used to a woman wanting him in more ways than one.
Kells' shuffled a bit as his hands slid back down to my arms, his pupils dilating as he lowered his head towards me. I could hear the strain in his voice as he spoke and I knew he wasn't trying to fuck with my feelings- he was a hundred percent serious about the words he said,
"I just want you to know what you're gettin' yourself into."
I already knew what I was getting myself into but I ignored the warnings, from Nick and Lola, and now we were here- in this moment wishing none of this ever happened. I was a dumbass for thinking anything could ever work out between us- two polar opposites living in two different worlds.
I tried shrugging his hands off one last time but failed once again, feeling helpless in his iron grip,
"Colson, I know, okay? I just- you confuse the shit out of me. I don't know what you want with me and I don't know what I want with you-"
He scoffed, taking me by surprise with the sudden smirk that controlled his lips,
"That's a fuckin' lie- I know what you want and you know what I want."
It didn't take me being a rocket scientist to realize what he was talking about. It was obvious he was talking about the physical connection we had- the sex we had,
"That's the problem- we want different things. You want sex and I want-"
Kells interrupted me once again, causing me to roll my eyes as he just grinned back down at me. He was totally oblivious to my attitude, almost giddy at the thought of us fucking, which made it all worthwhile,
"Oh please- I know for a fact that you want my sex as much as I want yours-"
"But I also want more, Kells. I don't wanna spell this shit out for you because i'm embarrassed enough."
I registered the way his smirk slowly faltered until it completely dropped off his lips. This was the exact reaction I was afraid of because I had a sneaking suspicion that maybe it'd scare him off- and that was honestly the last thing I wanted.
He cocked an eyebrow as he managed to maintain eye contact with me, his shock slowly starting to wear off,
"You want more than just sex?"
Every part of me wanted to backtrack and make him forget about it but at the same time, the inner-girly, sappy part of me wanted him to know that I wanted every bad and good thing that came with him.
I shrugged as I glanced down at his collarbones, the slight intensity in his eyes making me wanna keep quiet,
"Maybe not right now, but that doesn't sound that bad. Once we get to know each other a little more and maybe get used to what we have going."
I could tell Kells was somewhat apprehensive about the idea, about being in a full-fledged relationship, but there was no way he didn't see this coming.
I'm pretty sure everyone but him knew I was in this for the long run, whether I liked it or not.
Kells chuckled a little under his breath as he let his fingers drag back up my arms and rest around my neck.
The familiar urge and need for him I felt every time he touched me started to overcome my senses as he bent his head lower and lower until our noses were only a couple inches apart.
I felt my breath hitch in my throat as he stared into my eyes with an intensity that i'd never seen before, his deep voice taking on an unfamiliar but affectionate tone,
"You're right- that doesn't sound that bad but wanna know what else doesn't sound that bad?"
I already knew but keeping me guessing was the way he liked to play me so I pretended to be clueless, every tense muscle in my body relaxing as I felt things shift back to normal between us. I rolled my eyes but shrugged my shoulders, stepping my feet back as he moved forward with my body, the huge smirk playing on his lips sending a shock down my spine.
His toothy grin and devilish gaze made my knees weak and felt my body fall back onto the silk sheets, his hovering over mine as he made me crawl back,
"You know- I just can't stop thinkin' about me fucking the shit out of you, the way you moan my name,"
At this point, I felt a smirk of my own form on my lips as he hovered over my body, his arms creating a tattooed barrier around my stomach as we stared at each other. I propped myself up against my elbows as he crawled above my bare legs, his eyes studying every inch of my skin before making its way up to meet my stare.
We were both daring each other to make the first move, and I was glad he did it, leaving me to melt in his love. Kells lowered his lips onto my neck, whispering words against my skin as one hand traveled up my hoodie,
"I think hearing you beg me to keep goin' would be better than a relationship- but I bet you already knew that."
I wanted to agree, oh-so badly, but I bit my lip instead, letting him do whatever the fuck he wanted to me. It was like every thing that just happened between us, between him and Diddy, never even happened, as if all rules were off once we were in the bedroom.
But what could I say- he had control over every part of me and there was nothing I could do about it.

🚬

"He threatened her?"
My eyes flickered up from my clasped hands as I stared at Ryan's wide eyes. He shuffled around on the patio couch he was sharing with Slim as I kept my eyes on both of their incredulous stares from across the bonfire.
Kells groaned from next to me as he leaned his bony elbows on his thighs, his head in his hands as he spoke in a lower voice,
"Yes, he fuckin' threatened her- isn't that what I just fucking said, like, ten million times?"
Now was not the time for jokes and smiles but I felt a small one play on my lips at Kells' snappy remark. Me smiling earned a glare from Slim, Rook, Baze, and especially Ryan but he immediately dismissed me, honing in on Kells with disappointment written all over his face,
"Then why the fuck is she still here? No offense, to either of you, but she shouldn't have to be in danger, man."
His eyes flickered over to meet mine and I could tell he was sincere about it which made my heart hurt more.
Even his friends disapproved about us and there was nothing we could do to show them this could work.
Kells sighed deeply but didn't make a move to look up at his friends seated around the fire, just kept his eyes trained on his scuffed-up Diesel boots with his hands still clutching his hair.
Seeing him so down made my sensible side feel like I was suffocating on my own guilt but the stubborn part of me didn't want to admit that this was wrong- wrong for us to to try going further with us and wrong for me to do this to him.
I cleared my throat, letting my gaze get lost in the dancing flames as everyones' eyes landed on me,
"I'm still here because I want to be here-"
Slim chuckled softly, a bit of sarcasm in his tone as he voiced his own opinion,
"Lilly, what you want doesn't matter when it comes to you being alive and staying alive. You think you know what you're gettin' yourself into but really... you don't."
No matter how much I wanted to object and say I did know, he was right- I knew nothing about what Diddy was capable of or what any of them were capable of. I felt my throat close up as Rook spoke in a softer tone, his firm stare staying on my downfallen gaze the whole time,
"You need to consider your safety over your feelings- same goes for you, Kells."
Despite the burning in my eyes, I glanced over at the man who seemed so broken and unlike him in this moment. Just seeing him so down broke me because I knew I was the reason for it.
Kells shook his head as he glanced back up at the fire, resting his pursed lips against his fists as he watched the flames with distant eyes,
"My safety has nothin' to do with this- and hers doesn't either. She's only in danger if she speaks 'bout us, not if she's with us, with me."
That immediately got a few eye rolls from Baze and Ryan but Slim and Rook kept quiet, realizing how deep we were into each other.
It was as if the sudden realization that Kells actually cared enough to keep me around him dawned on me and it felt like I could breathe a little bit easier.
But it also confused me because we were both being selfish and doing that isn't helping either of us.
Baze leaned forward in his seat as he glanced momentarily over at Rook before looking back at the both of us, so depressed-looking and down,
"Is it really worth risking your guys' lives to keep each other as fuck buddies?"
Fuck buddies? Fuck buddies.
Kells rolled his eyes as he slumped back in his seat, a little smirk playing on his lips as he glanced over at my blushing cheeks,
"We aren't just fuck buddies, you dickwad."
That earned some light-hearted chuckles from the rest of the men which eased the tension around us in the backyard, but it didn't help the fact that we were still facing a metaphorical roadblock.
I playfully glared up at Baze before glancing over at Kells, whose light blue eyes were already trained on me,
"I'll be fine if I have you guys."
If I have him.
Us being able to be happy without bumps in the road was a very long stretch but I knew for a fact that I really would be okay if I was around him.
I felt my smile grow as he cracked a big one of his own, his eyes crinkling up at the ends as he continued smiling at my words.
It was now a different vibe that was rolling off him and it was weird but seeing his smile made all my worries go away- it made me forget the threats and the hardships I was about to face but his smile made it all worth it.
Slim's laugh brought me out of my endearing thoughts as he watched the both of us gazing at each other,
"Man, y'all are fucked."
That made Kells laugh as he shook his head, running his fingers through his faded hair in a nervous but shy manner. The teasing tone in his voice sent shivers throughout my body but his words did more than that,
"Tell us somethin' we don't know."

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