Soulmates Are Harder Than I Thought • Lams

Chapter XXVII: I'm Sorry

"Ale–Alexander how long have you been standing there?" asked John, his hands started trembling, Alexander heard. He definitely heard.

"You're my what!?" Alexander hissed, the food king forgotten on his desk. John could see many emotions in Alexander's eyes; none of them showed any good news to John.

"I'm sorry! I meant to tell you!" said John putting his phone in his pocket. His heart started beating harshly, he felt it on his throat.

"Did you– How long— You never told me!?" Alexander couldn't find the right words, he felt betrayed, lied to, made fun of. John was his soulmate all along, he knew, and never told him. All those times he shunned himself for liking someone else more, other than Eliza, it could've just been solved if John had just told him the truth.

"I meant—"

"Did Eliza know?" John looked away and down, it was the only answer Alexander needed.

"I told her not to tell you, she's not at fault here." said John, looking at Alexander. He was pleading with his eyes 'please understand' but he couldn't seem to manage to get the words out, but Alexander's cold stare, shaking hands; well, they didn't exactly brought John peace.

"Did you enjoy it?" he hissed under his breath, John couldn't listen quite well, he also didn't understood what he meant.

"Enjo—"

"So, why did you even hid it? Did you enjoyed playing with my feelings like that? Forgetting that I also have Eliza and that was the only thing I knew!?" he raised his voice a little, John flinched, but didn't show it. "Oh I bet you enjoyed making fun of me behind my back." he said, venom laced in his words, John felt even worse.

"That's– I never made fun of you behind your back... I- This was not what I intended!" John stepped closer, but Alexander stepped back.

"Oh really? How can I be sure of that, soulmate?" he said, spitting out the last word with so much rage that it physically hurt John. "After lying to me for so much time, how am I supposed to even trust you!? John, you lied to me! What about Gilbert!? Was he in on this too!? So you knew, Eliza knew, Lafayette knew! All of you lied to me and for what!?" Alexander raised his voice, John stayed silent. Alexander wanted an answer. Why would John do that? Even if he didn't saw John as a soulmate, he held him close to his heart, and apparently he lied to him ever since that party. "For what, John!?!"

"I– I wanted... I wanted to protect my feelings." John mumbled, looking down.

"Wow." Alexander whispered, there was a silence, in which John felt tears brim his eyes. "So fucking egotistical."

"I'm sorry." John sobbed, a small, single tear rolling down his cheek.

"And now you're crying!? What, you want me to feel pity for you!?" Alexander said, getting even angrier, John hugged himself.

"That's– Not what I want!" he sobbed, not daring look at Alexander, he heard Alexander scoff and he sobbed again. "I'm just– I meant to tell you! I swear! Please believe me, I just, I had to prepare myself, it was hard for me!"

"If you just told me form the beginning, all of this stupid shit could've been avoided!" said Alexander, raising his hands in desperation, John was still hugging himself and sobbing faintly. There was no sound, just heavy breathing and a tense atmosphere. Both of them felt awful, this was exactly the kind of reaction that John wanted to avoid, and Alexander? He just felt betrayed, used. Why didn't John told him? Did John enjoyed actually playing with Alexander's confusion like that, did John enjoyed being desired when all that he wanted was to actually understand what was going with his emotions? This was all a mess.

"I didn't meant for it to come this far." he started, he heard Alexander draw breath, he quickly spoke up before Alexander interrupted. "You think I didn't want to tell you!?!" he said finally looking at him. "I was scared that you would react exactly how you're acting right now!! Even though I deserve it and I know it, I was still trying my best to avoid it! I thought– If I didn't told you, I thought I could have the best of both worlds; you still had Eliza, and you would still feel something towards me! Something! Anything! That's all I ever wanted! I never had anyone desire me in a way that wasn't sexual only, I didn't want to risk loosing it." he breathed deeply and sobbed a little more, his voice started getting shaky. "I- It's egotis-egotistical... I- I know." he stammered sobbing a bit more. "But that was the only thing I long for and I was blinded!" his voice started getting higher in desperation, but Alexander's cold stare never faltered. "Please, Alex, just–"

"Don't call me Alex." he snapped, John flinched. "If you truly did care for me, you would've taken my opinions and decisions into consideration! But how do I found out? You telling someone else about how you're not gonna tell me! John, that's fucked up! I thought you were my friend!"

"I wanted to be more!"

"And you were so insecure you were convinced I was going to chose Eliza, that you decided to not tell me at all!" he laughed cynically, sending shivers down John's spines, his sobs were uncontrollable now, but he was past the point of caring. "I trusted you, and you betrayed me; wether you like it or not, you betrayed me."

"I'm sorry, Alexander." he said.

"Sorry doesn't cut it." Alexander hissed, picked up his bag and coat. "Good luck trying to earn my forgiveness, and by correlation, it would be a miracle if you even make it to the point of ever seeing me or feeling me as your soulmate ever again." he spat at him and left. Leaving John to cry.

I don't know if it's good...
honest opinions?
~Sarah🌼