Attracted to the bad boy [BoyxBoy] [New Author]

Attracted to the bad boy [BxB] chapter twenty-two

Samuel’s POV

I stared straight ahead not really sure what to feel. On the kitchen in front of me a vase has tulips in them. I remembered when my dad gave them to my mother the other day they were beautiful, they’re not as alive anymore. I remove my eyes from the wilting flowers and look at my parents. Both of them look torn between letting the sorrow take over themselves and put their focus on give comfort so they don't have to feel their own pain. As I look at them both quickly give me a cautious glance. I am not sure what they expect me to do, it has been three days and yet I haven't let so much as a single tear escape. I feel like they are waiting for me to explode and quite frankly I would rather want that as well. Right now I don't really feel anything and I’m not sure how to handle it. Am I even allowed to continue on my living life like I did not so long or go? It feels like I have some kind of obligation to break down. However I can’t find it in me to do so.

“Am I a horrible person?” I suddenly manage to get out and both of my parents quickly look at me. My mother’s eyes quickly filled up with tears as she looked at me, “No. Don’t you ever think that! Nobody can control how they feel and I do not judge you however it does make me a little disappointed that you never got the chance to build up some stability between the two of you. I just want you to know that as a mother I could see that he did love you but people sometimes don’t know how to express it.” My mother placed a small hand on my shoulder, I did not let her keep it there for long though.

“Don’t you dare tell me that he loved me!” I hissed and I could hear my mother’s sobs as I stormed out of the kitchen. I could also hear my dad’s attempt to comfort her, of course I just have to go and make things worse. No one can blame me though, she had no right to tell me that! I think she knew it as well but desperate times calls for desperate calls, I guess. I don’t even know how Lindsey is coping with this. She locked herself into her room the moment we heard what had happened and has yet to come out. 

Right now I feel like the shittiest person walking this earth. I make my mother cry when it is already too much for her to handle and I haven’t even tried to talk with my sister. “Fucking shit,” I growled and slammed my bedroom door shut. I paced back and forth in my room before giving up. I walked into my bathroom knowing exactly what I was looking for. I let out a defeated sigh when I took the sharp blade from the cabinet.

I walked back into my room and as I did so I turned the blade in my palm over a couple of times, debating with myself.  It's a waste of time I know that, I would not be able to stop myself right now.

I was about to sit down on my bed when I noticed one of Japser's t-shirt next to one of my pillows. I really need to give it back to him. Right, fucking shit. How can I be so stupid. 

I needed to get out of here. I had done nothing but sitting around here for three days and it was getting to me. I rushed down the stairs feeling as if  the house’s walls were pushing at me, making it harder and harder for me to breath as the seconds went by. I didn't even bother to announce that I was leaving, not that I think they would mind much either. We all need our own space right now. 

When I finally was outside I felt relieved. I could finally breath without feeling as if the world surrounding me was choking me as I stood on my front lawn looking up at the cloudy sky. The weather was far from good but still it wasn't nearly as depressing as the insides of the house standing behind me. 

It did not take me long before I was standing on the exact same porch I stood on four days ago. I clutched the shirt in my hands tightly before I knocked twice. I took  Mrs. Winterstorm exactly twenty -six seconds, I counted, before she was standing in front of me looking exhausted. She held onto the door but did not hesitate to let me walk in. “How nice to see you, Samuel,” she smiled at me but I could still see that something was troubling her. “Nice to see you to Mrs-.” she held up her hand interrupting me giving me a small smile, “Just call me Carol, you’re practically family.” I gave her an honest smile, I was happy that she saw me like that even though we’ve only met once before. “Nice to see you Carol. Jasper, is he home?,” I asked and she instantly got a tired look on her face. 

“He is home but if he is a hundred percent conscious yet, I am not entirely sure. I swear to God that boy are going to give me a heart attack someday. What you youths are up to when you’re not at home I don’t know and I’m pretty sure I don’t even want to know,” she said and gave me a sigh casting a disappointed look up the stairs. I wanted to tell her that she was not alone and he'd probably give both of us heart problems one day, I kept my mouth shut though. 

I am just not sure if I want to put it out there just yet. It just proves how dependent I've become on him. I'm pretty sure that I would just go down hill if it wasn't for him right now. Not wasting more time to hesitate I climbed the stairs two steps at a time. I found Jasper sound asleep on his bed, it did not ease my worry though. I had gone three days without seeing him or hearing his voice. I needed him to be awake and with me right now. I needed to talk to him and have someone I actually believe tell me am not a shitty person. 

He murmured quietly in his sleep and snuggled up against my chest when I had laid down next to him. What could he possible had done to put himself in this situation?

Jaspers POV

I groaned at the slight throbbing in my head but the arms around my waist made up for it. I turned my head so that I could look up at Samuels face. He was already awake but he looked nothing but tired and worn out. He searched my face and kissed my forehead, gently caressing my face with one of his hands. 

"How are you feeling?" he murmured and kissed me once again, but on the lips this time. I wanted to kiss him again. I didn't though, I don't want him to think I'm clingy.

"Fine," I said and tried to not flinch as his hand come in contact with the bump on my head. I have to remind myself never to drink again, for real this time. 

"My brother's dead" he said whilst still moving his hand against my skin. I looked up at him and when our eyes locked, his hand stopped. I did not want him to, it kept me calm and I liked having him touch me like that. For a few seconds we stayed still, his hand frozen against my cheek, me thinking of what he had said. 

"How are you feeling?" The question left my lips with ease, as when he had asked me the same question only a couple of minutes ago.

"Fine," he barely had to move his lips at all for the word to slip out a few seconds later. When it did though I gave him a small kiss and his hand resumed to caress my skin. I closed my eyes and breathed in, moving closer to him. He's not fine, he knows it as well but it doesn't mean he won't be. I'll always be here for him, he knows that. We both know that.

-/-

I think I'll just have to give up on apologising to you guys. 

I have had so freaking much to do, and I always have as well. But I think you understand as well that when I actually have some time to rest I tend to do just that, therefore unfortunately it ends up with me not updating very often. 

I still want to thank everyone for the support! All the reads, votes, comments, and followings really make me feel motivated to continue with this story, I'd probably had stopped update along time ago otherwise!

I love all of you and I hope you all have had a great weekend and will a great week ahead of you as well!