Make Me (Ludwig x Feliciano)

Chapter 18

Why didn't he come to get me? What's wrong? Did something happen to him?

Hundreds of questions flew through Ludwig's mind as he slumped against the wall, sinking to the floor. He let his head rest against the wall behind him as he closed his eyes. Exhaustion suddenly settled over him and he didn't realize he had fallen asleep in the hallway.

~

Feliciano was in better spirits on the weekend. He'd completed his last manuscript and was now officially an acquisitions editor and he could do the job he was aiming for in the first place.

He was just about to head out and get some groceries when he froze in the doorway of his apartment.

Ludwig was leaning against a wall, sitting on the floor with his head resting on his knees as he slept. The Italian glared coldly at him before closing his door and walking down the hallway.

~

Groaning, Ludwig woke up to find himself in the hallway of his apartment building. He sighed before standing up and blinking the sleep from his eyes.

Feliciano.

The German turned and knocked on the latter's door, waiting but there was no answer. He wasn't home. Ludwig clenched his fists before going into his own apartment and slamming the door shut behind him.

"Every chance I get to tell him, I slip up and get too nervous and now he's not even here." He muttered angrily.

Ludwig didn't hear from Feliciano that weekend at all. He wasn't in his apartment at all and he hadn't even caught a glimpse of the Italian. It was like he disappeared for a couple of days.

On Monday he went back to work and had a meeting with a client in the morning so he had to leave home early. But right after that he made his way down to the third floor where Feliciano worked. He exited the elevator and walked straight over to the area of the floor where Feliciano worked. He glanced at some of the employees who were staring at him before looking away and straightening their backs.

Ludwig reached the Italian's new office and saw his name on the metal plate on the doorframe with smaller letters underneath saying, "Acquisitions Editor". He was so proud of him and couldn't be happier until said acquisitions editor walked out of his office, papers in hand, without a look at him.

"Hey, Feliciano-"

"Don't talk to me." The Italian could feel his emotions rising to the surface, seeing those beautiful eyes were killing him. "I have to go."

Feliciano could feel his hands shaking and he started walking away quickly. But Ludwig was right behind him. He grit his teeth and waited until he reached the empty hallway until breaking into a run.

"Feliciano!" Ludwig called out, chasing after him.

The German saw him take a swift turn and run down the stairwell. Ludwig kept running after him but Feliciano was too quick this time. They somehow managed to get to the ground floor and Feliciano pushed open the doors to outside. His breathing was ragged and he began to slow down but Ludwig caught him off guard and grabbed his arm in just enough time.

The Italian sobbed as Ludwig's warm hand tugged him back. The warmth spread throughout his body and he hated it. It just wasn't right. Tears streamed down his face as he turned to face his captor.

"I'm not worth fucking numbers, Ludwig!" He shouted, staring coldly at the German.

Ludwig's eyes widened but he sighed and loosened his grip on Feliciano's arm.

So, he knows.

"Feliciano-"

"No." He yanked his arm away. "Don't even try to apologize to me. You made a fucking bet on me! You think I'm going to forgive you? Ludwig, I thought you actually loved me. I was a seventeen year old with a horrible father and I thought you saved me... I gave myself away to you." Feliciano squeezed his eyes closed, shaking his head. "The day you met me, I had a broken arm and a few broken ribs,"

Ludwig nodded slowly, remembering clearly the cast with a few signatures on it and Daniel telling him about the broken ribs. He had never ended up figuring out what had caused those injuries.

"Well," Feliciano continued. "those broken bones were from jumping off a bridge. I didn't jump far enough into the water so I hit the rocks."

Ludwig could feel his heart stop for a few seconds and the world just became hazy. The Italian standing in front of him; perfect, innocent, beautiful Feliciano tried to end his life.

"I met you and I thought maybe it would be okay, I could live on and be happy but I guess I should've jumped further." He looked down at his feet.

"Don't say that." Ludwig's voice was a shaky as his hands. "Please, Feliciano, don't say that."

"Why not?" He glared at the German. "Your love was all just a lie. A plan just to get money. I was just someone you could fuck and then earn two grand." Feliciano swatted angrily at the tears that continually streamed down his face.

Ludwig wanted so badly to collect the Italian into his arms and cease those tears but that wasn't possible at the moment.

"I am moving on." Feliciano lied. "I don't want to be part of your love life anymore. I don't want to be part of your gambles and your lies. I'm sorry, but if I'm just worth dollars and cents to you, I can't love you. Do not talk to me unless it's business related."

The Italian pulled himself together and walked back inside. He didn't look back, he didn't need to. He didn't want to. Feliciano thought he never would look back.

Ludwig rarely cried. The German had only cried three times in his life; when his parents broke the news that their marriage was a lie and they were seeing other people, when he had a dream that he had to kill his brother, and now.

When his heart was breaking into millions of pieces that couldn't possibly be put back together.

And it's all my own damn fault.

~

To be continued...