WHOLE AGAIN

Chapter One: He Saved Me

"YOU!"

His voice cracked with desperation as he said, "Get me out of here, now! I've been trapped in this room for weeks, and I'm on the verge of losing my mind!"

"I understand that you really want to go home and it's hard to be here, but I can't let you do that. Let's take a bit more time here to make sure you're feeling great before heading home, okay?" I asked quietly, attempting to maintain a steady tone.

Out of rage, he hurled everything next to his bed, causing chaos across the room. He mutely muttered, pointing directly at me, "I wish you were dead."

The words cut deep, but I knew them all too well. I've wished for my own end so many times that the words felt empty now.

I took a deep breath and forced a smile in front of him. "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again, Sir. I'm sorry for upsetting you." was all I could manage to say.

I left the room. I almost exploded earlier. I wanted to answer back, but if I did, I would surely lose my job again. I'm tired of looking for another job, so I'll just force myself to do everything right here. Maybe this is really my fate: to work on other people's problems, even though I don't really want to. I have no other choice. Suffering is a choice, and so is letting it go.

"Try to understand, Nurse Hannah," she said, her eyes narrowing slightly as if scrutinizing my every reaction. "We need to be respectful and understanding toward our patients. Remember that." Her tone had a sharp edge, making me feel like there was something off, as if she resented me for reasons I couldn't quite grasp.

This is what our head, Miss K, told me. She has been with Psychiatry for All hospital for years, so she knows exactly what to do and how to keep herself calm. Meanwhile, just moments ago, I was on the verge of exploding with frustration. It's a good thing I managed to hold myself together.

"You've only been here a week. There's still a lot for you to learn. You'll understand them better soon, and things will get easier."

But how long will I be here? And how much longer will I have to put up with this job? I don't like my job. I fucking hate it!

"I've seen that you've been dealing with the patients a lot more recently, especially the new ones admitted today," she remarked, crossing her arms and leaning back slightly. "Is something wrong? If you're not happy with this job, why did you choose psychology in the first place?" Her eyes bore into mine, as if trying to uncover a hidden flaw.

She has so many questions. But of course, I won't tell her because it's too personal. I won't tell anyone. Let her think whatever she wants about me. Or I'll just make up an excuse, even if it doesn't make sense. It's obvious she's waiting for an answer from me.

"Because I had no choice. This was the best program available at the school I got into, so I took it." I confidently said to her.

She smiled at me. It was creepy. I could tell she was doubting whether I was being honest or not. But I didn't care. I wasn't going to reveal the real reason to anyone.

"I understand that you're not happy with this job, but you need to cut the drama," she said, her voice cold and unyielding. "You have no right to act that way. We're all struggling here, so stop thinking you're entitled to special treatment." She folded her arms, her gaze hard and unrelenting, then turned on her heel and walked away.

My mouth literally dropped open at what I heard. I couldn't speak right away because of what she said. I knew from my first day here that something felt off about her, and I wasn't wrong.

"HANNAH!"

What now? When will this streak of bad luck finally end?

She's the only one who calls me by my full name here. No one else does, except for Nurse Patricia. She's also the only one I'm close with in our department. The others are so busy with work that they don't have time for social life anymore. They don't have time to make friends.