Dear Diary|| Josh Franceschi #Wattys2017

18th of November

Dear diary,
I ruined everything as always.
This morning I woke up already tired, we had practice right after lunch, and I barely ate something for the stress.
I failed something at every song.

My manager obviously wasn't happy, so when I came back to the tour bus I went to my bunk to retry my songs. See, the problem wasn't the lyrics but the chords, they were even simple but I don't know what was wrong with me.
I was desperate because of that disaster but Matt helped me a lot with the rythm until I didn't play the song perfectly. It took us a lot of time but when we were done we were so tired.
We went to the tour bus living room with the others and I laid my head on Joshua's shoulder and when he went to get a beer I turned to the other side and laid my head on Dan's shoulder.
After a while, not remembering that that wasn't Josh, I asked for cuddles to Dan and then I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I didn' really realized anything, so I went to the kitchen to take something to eat and Dan was there. He said 'liked the cuddles, babe?' I nodded without thinking about it, 'cause I thought he was referring to the fact that Josh cuddled me earlier.
After some minutes I started thinking about it, I wondered why didn't Josh asked me, he surely isn't a shy person.

Then I went to the concert, I performed my songs and then I went to the backstage to wish Josh good luck.
He didn't even looked at me and I started to realize everything.

Once the concert was done, they wanted to go partying again, but I didn't so Matt wanted to keep me company. I know that he wanted to go with his band mates so I tried to convince him to not stay with me but he didn't want to leave me alone.
When Josh knew it he gave me an angry look and said to me 'so what are you going to do? Kiss him, sleep in the same bunk and then let another one cuddle you?'
Matt told me to ignore him so we went to order some Chinese food and we took it with us on the tour bus. I hardly ate noodles because of my emotional pain, which grew when he asked me to tell him why Josh told me those things.
I really needed someone, other than Sarah, to talk about it to have multiple opinions and I secretly knew that he was the right person because I could feel that we were almost best friends, so I opened up about the other night and he was fangirling so hard. He said that he wants us to get together, then Max, Dan and Chris came back and joined our conversation agreeing with Matt. They could tell Joshua was angry at Dan too for what happened and the drummer quickly said that he was sorry and if he knew how things were going between me and him he would've tried to give him explanations. Matt told me that if I was even a little bit angry at Dan, I was right but simply it wasn't his fault. It wasn't even mine because I didn't do it purposely, but anyway I wanted to talk to him to explain how things really went.
Or at least that was what I wanted to do before he came back from partying with the same girl that gave him her number the other night. Wow.
Now everyone has gone to sleep and they are 'having fun' in his bunk.
I'm going to sleep on the sofa

Bye, Joleene.