Dear Diary|| Josh Franceschi #Wattys2017

11th of November

Dear diary, as I already said, yesterday was Michael's birthday so I went to the cemetery.
You CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED.

(A\N: yes, here comes another flashback, don't hate me :( )

**flashback**
My grandmother left me in front of the cemetery's gate and told me where Michael's grave was.
Well it was a bit far from there and I really hoped to not lose myself.
There was a bunch of people who was changing the old flowers with the new one in front of their loved ones' graves, and there was me.
Full of pain, trying to not cry when I saw his grave.
I looked at his photo, he was so much different from the way I remembered him.
I put the flowers that I bought on his grave, I sat in front of it and I started talking with him even though I knew I'll never have a response.

"It's been a long time, Michael.
How are you? I hope you're doing better up there.
Well I'm not fine, but after all that's what I deserve for what I did to you.
I am so sorry, I should've helped you but I realized what I was doing just when it was too late.
I was ashamed of visiting you at the hospital 'cause I thought that your mum would've treated me in a bad way, that's why I preferred to wait. I thought you could've made it but you didn't. I will never forgive myself for what I did, I hate myself, I hate all the people that encouraged me to keep bullying you, the same ones that didn't want to admit that it was my fault that you died because they were afraid to have the same treatement.
Since your death, I started to have some disorders, my psychologist wanted to see me everyday, I had to take like four pills a day and I didn't want to see anyone.
The fact that my family moved away from this town helped me so much, I made some new friends, I didn't have to pretend to be mean or something else because I understood that being kind isn't a bad thing, it's just that sometimes people don't like kindness and prefer to hurt people.
I have some great friends in Madison, they are nice and I'm sure that you would've been happy to know them.
Oh, I forgot to tell you something.
I started my career as a singer, I went to a famous accademy for the ones who want to become singers, actors, etc. And then I did some gigs in some clubs in Madison and then I went on tour with your brother's band. I didn't really recognised him at first, he changed so much, I realized who he was after a long time on tour and when I did it I took a one month long pause from the tour 'cause I needed to spend time with my friends and family and then come back here to talk with your family and I did it.
Let me tell you, your mother is such a sweetheart, she took time to listen to me even though the pain that I caused to her is enormous.
And... well yes... Your brother is a nice person, too. He's really cute to be honest and I like his smile and his eyes.
I hope that our relationship will improve, even if I'm not a sociable person as you can remember."

I stood up.

"Well it's time for me to leave now, it's been nice to talk to you again for a bit. See you soon."

"Thank you and well I think you're nice, too. I think I've always thought it but I think you know." My heart stopped for a second.
I turned back to face him and my cheeks became red as hell.

"Ehm... thank you" I responded quite uncertain of what I heard.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you, I didn't imagine that you did not recognise me, I thought you were playing the 'shy girl' and I feel bad because sometimes I tried to make you feel the same way Michael felt." I was surprised of what he said, he acted like it was all his fault.

"I think that it doesn't matter anymore, I sort of deserved it"

And then he smiled and we greeted eachother so I could phone my grandmother and go back home.

*end of the flashback*

I have to go back on tour tomorrow and tonight I have the flight.

I am ready to start this journey with the guys again.
Bye, Joleene🌹