Coming Home //LS// Back 10/13/17

Chapter Five

A/N: this is a short chapter before the update on Friday because I need five chapters for the Wattys. Hope you enjoy this little chunk that actually has some big stuff! :)

Lottie's rubbing my back while throwing a worried look to Fizzy who immediately gets up to go to the front room. I hear mumbled talking somewhere behind the ringing in my ears. Not eating and no sleep will not take a good toll on me. I know soon I'm going to crash hard and I'll need to stay in bed drinking and eating in between periods of rest, but that seems very alluring as I hear footsteps stomping toward me.

"Fuck. He looks like right shit," I hear Gemma say as Fizzy, who has come back, hands me a paper towel and a glass of water. I wipe my mouth and gargle some water preparing myself to look up. This won't be fun.

Gemma is still looking me over when I lift my eyes. Lottie and Fizzy stay by me patting my back and sharing slightly scared looks. "So, you're back," is the first thing she says. All I can do is nod and think about how this very well might be my last minute of life. Goodbye cruel world. You've never done a thing for me anyway. "So what, the whore you left him for no good anymore?" Everyone gasps as Gemma stares me down. My brows furrow and I frown. Is that what they thought? They thought I found someone better than him? That there's anyone better than him to begin with?

I shake my head. "Gemm-"

"No. Let me guess. He dumped your ass when he realized you were an author going no where in life with shitty novels and no heart." That one stung. She said she liked my stories before. She'd bought my first few. It was her, Harry, and my mom who had given me the courage to keep going with my writing. Tears sting my eyes a little thinking maybe she's right. Maybe it's good Harry has moved on from me because clearly I have nothing to offer him. I look at my hands and mumble out that I didn't cheat. "What? I'm right aren't I?"

"I never cheated on him I haven't been with anyone for six years," at this point my voice is rising a little. "I never wanted anyone else god damn it, but maybe it's good I left because I wouldn't have wanted to drag him down with my failing career." My voice cracked at the end, but I didn't let that slow my momentum. I stood and went to my room again while they told me to come back and Gemma stands there shocked and that's good, I think, I'm glad she's upset or shocked because I'm upset too with myself and the world.

Not too long later I'm sitting on my bed looking out my window when I hear a knock at my door. I know who it is already and, though we used to be friends, I can't turn and look at her.

"I'm sorry, Louis, it's just, you don't know how much you hurt him," she says.

I sigh, "I know how much leaving hurt me and I can assure you I felt the same amount of pain, maybe even more. I used to think maybe he hurt worse, but he didn't if he got married four years later right? At least there's a silver lining." I shake my head before I look at her. Her face is blank, but I can almost see gears turning in her brain. The only question everyone has for me is "why?" but really I can't tell them. I want to tell Harry first, myself, that hasn't changed even with him being married. I don't need him to hear anything through the grape vine, not when he deserves to know what happened more than anyone.

"You weren't here, you can't say that. The only reason he started dating Zayn was because Liam finally convinced him to go out after four years. Louis, he was miserable, it took a year but finally he was smiling again. So when Zayn proposed, he grasped on to any chance to stay happy again." I think she's going to leave so I can curl up and let her words fill my chest, but then she continues, "The whole time he was engaged he didn't get a wink of sleep, scared Zayn might leave in the middle of the night." With that knife to my chest she walked away without looking back at my eyes and shut my door on her way.

The night was like I expected: cold, bleak, and sleepless.