Ten of Me ✓

Twenty-Six

NICOLE

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said airily, though inside I felt like I was about to throw up. I thought of my hummus and lasagna sitting on my tray at the cafeteria table, where Noah was sitting carefree, and my stomach twisted again. Morgan couldn't know, could she? How would she know? I'd barely seen her, other than when I'd been Audrey and I'd seen her in that boutique, and then as Hannah when she'd dumped her drink on me.

Had she seen right through both of my disguises? Or, in the instant between when her drink had saturated me and I'd run away, had she seen exactly who I was? I didn't know how she'd be able to--Noah certainly hadn't, but then again, he hadn't been fully aware of anything that night.

"You're guilty, Nicole," said Morgan as I pressed myself up more against the wall. The brick picked at my white ankle jeans and felt rough against my wrists. "You're breathing way too quickly to be innocent."

I bit down on my lip, hard, and tasted metal blood.

"It's okay." Suddenly, Morgan was smiling at me, and she'd backed off so that I exhaled loudly. All of the malice seemed to fade out of her eyes as she turned around so that her back was to me, crossing her arms as she angled her body towards the table where Noah was still sitting.

"It's...okay?" I asked, confused.

Morgan turned back to me, still smiling that same demeaning smile as if I were a two-year-old and needed an explanation. "Sure," she said, so sweet she sounded sickly. "I just wish you wouldn't go through so much trouble, all for a guy."

My heartbeat started increasing until it was pounding double time. This wasn't right. Morgan wouldn't--shouldn't--be acting like this. I could see that she was still angry, but she was trying so hard to press it all down. Did she still care about me, for even an instant?

"You're acting really strange, Morgan," I told her. My voice shook without my consent and I swallowed noisily, trying to will away my panic. "Can you explain what's going on?"

Like her, I'd tried to take all traces of animosity out of my voice, but I knew both of our anger was still simmering, deep down inside of us. Morgan tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, her eyes locked with mine, and said with a voice that was grating and hoarse, "You're trying to change for Noah."

I opened my mouth to speak, to say something, but all I could feel was relief. She didn't really know--not the whole truth, anyway. She didn't know what I'd been doing for the past week, that I wasn't even confident enough about who I was to go figure things out for myself. She didn't know everything like she said she did: she had no clue about the worsening situation at home, or about Troy, or the fact that I'd slept with Noah when I really shouldn't have.

"What is it, Nicole?" she asked, studying me intently. "You've calmed down. Have I guessed wrong?"

"Maybe you should explain your guess first," I said through gritted teeth, suddenly angry at her again for judging me to be the kind of girl that would change for the kind of boy like Noah. Plus, she'd still done what she'd done at Lauren's party, and nothing she said would ever be able to take away that betrayal and her lack of apology or even regret.

Morgan had approached me again, her eyes wild once more. When I glanced Noah's way, I saw that he had eaten carelessly through most of the food on his plate and was now tapping the throat of his lacrosse stick while watching me steadily. Quickly, I averted my gaze and turned back to Morgan as my heart resumed its rapid thumping.

"All right," my best friend was saying, that calculating smile back on her lips, "Here goes. You're insecure, don't act like I can't see it. And you can't imagine why Noah would ever like you. Personally, neither can I."