I Ain't Waiting For The World To Change

25. - That's How We're Livin' And You Know You Can't Touch This

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. You know,” he paused.

“What do I know, Johnny? That you told me you love me the day before you admitted that this was all too much for you? That you literally broke my fuckin’ heart? What do I know? Tell me!” I was yelling now.

“I’m so, so sorry, Kay. I swear I never wanted to hurt you. If you need some time, that’s what you’ll get. I won’t push you, but I promise you I’ll show you how much you mean to me. I’ll show you, that I meant what I said the day you came back,” he said and bent forwards and pressed his lips to my forehead before he left my room without looking back. And that’s when I started crying.

-x-

I have been back for two days and could you believe that I haven’t seen one of the guys once? I was supposed to leave this country with them in two days and travel all the way to UK and Asia and they didn’t even call or text me. Very unusual. I even haven’t really talked to Michelle, Gena or Val, so I had asked Jess and Tracey if they would do something with me tonight. I was tired of sitting alone in my apartment.

And I guess Johnny’s promise for making up was nothing what he really meant. But fuck that, I was goin’ to leave that all behind me tonight! I whistled and Nap was soon at my side and I took a walk with him. When I came back Jess was standing in front of my apartment. “Am I running late?” I asked while I unlocked my apartment.

“No, I’m just pretty early. How you’re doing?” she asked when she followed me. “I’m good. Well haven’t seen the guys for some days and haven’t heard anything from them, but instead of that I’m good,” I said and walked into the kitchen and asked her what she would like to drink.

“Yeah, JB seemed rather busy since you all came back from New York,” she admitted when I sat down next to her on the couch. I rather did not say, that I thought they were avoiding me for what had happened between Johnny and me.

“What are you going to do when he’s away for such a long time?” I asked interested and filled our cups.

“I don’t know, think I have to deal with it. I’ll see if I manage to travel down for some time, but who knows. This will show if we manage such a relationship or not,” she said and I nodded slightly. Then the doorbell rang. I opened the door and Tracey stood there with a huge smile on her face. “Tonight we won’t see sad faces,” she exclaimed and entered the room.

“What’s in your bag?” I asked and looked curiously. “Just something to entertain us,” she said and took out two microphones for the XBOX.

“I hope you have a lot of alcohol in the bag, so I can get wasted. I won’t play this, when I’m sober,” I said and she just kissed my cheek and told me she knew me well enough to think of something like that.

It didn’t take long for us to start my XBOX and sing into the mics. Well we needed more alcohol to keep singing and while we started with some songs from Radiohead and Nirvana it seemed we lost our taste in music with every shot we drank. I swear, we were singing with Taylor Swift. Well actually you couldn’t say we were singing as we didn’t know the rhythm of the song and slurred the words more than singing them.

“Oh my gosh, you’re kidding me, right. You didn’t pick Depeche Mode? Well this is my time to go to the bathroom. If I have to stay here and listen to that song I think I might die,” I said, but the both of them didn’t listen to me as they belt out ‘Personal Jesus’.

When I came back the both of them looked at me and Tracey threw my jacket in my face. “What’s up?” I asked confused.

“We’re taking a walk,” she said and I raised an eyebrow to show how confused I was. “Giving your neighbors a break from our beautiful chant.” We all chuckled and I tried to whistle, but just failed. Maybe I was more drunk than I thought. “Nap,” I yelled and my dog came slowly towards me. “Come on, we need a bodyguard,” I said and walked out of my apartment – the girls and my dog slowly following me.