I Ain't Waiting For The World To Change

25. - That's How We're Livin' And You Know You Can't Touch This

“So, and to you guys,” Lisa said surprisingly and took a look at Zacky, Matt and Johnny who sat around us. “I expect that you look a lot more after her. If she loses more weight there will be nothing left of her. And these bags under her eyes are awful,” she said and I hit her arm playfully.

“Stop it,” I hissed, when I saw that they were looking at Johnny, who stared at his feet like they were the most interesting things in the room. “I get something to drink,” I said and walked into the kitchen where I opened the fridge and grabbed a water.

“We really need to talk,” I heard someone say behind me and I didn’t dare to turn around and look into his brown eyes.

“What about?” I almost whispered.

“About us,” he answered.

“This has to be now?” I didn’t hear his response, so I assumed he was nodding. “Well one of my best friends is over here, so what about talking after she has left.”

“I’ll keep you to that,” I heard him say and heard when he left the room. I took a deep breath. Why was he making the conditions? He had broken my heart, not the other way round. I stood there for another minute and took a long sip from my water before I turned back.

“What about taking a walk, before Devon picks you up?” I asked and Lisa agreed.

“Sure,” she answered and we packed our things and left the suit. And I may be wrong, but the guys seemed a bit relieved. I raised my eyebrows but thought I shouldn’t think about this anymore. “So, what do you wanna talk about?” my friend asked as soon as the New Yorker Air filled my nose.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “I need your advice. I really do love this douche bag, but I don’t think I can handle this myself. After the whole Bryan thing I built up my barriers and as the idiot I am I let them down, just so my heart was broken once more.”

“But you were happy, doesn’t that count? I know you were hurt so much and everything, but I saw you with Brandon and I know you’ll make a great mom one day.” I tried to say something, but she stopped me and went on. “I know you, that’s not something what will happen the next year or so, but one day you want kids and how do you think you’ll get some? If you’ll keep your heart locked you’ll wake up one day and have nothing. I don’t know if Johnny’s the man for you, but I see that he has feelings for you and you just admitted you have some for him. Think about it, maybe you just should give him a second chance.”

I stayed silence and then Lisa’s handy beeped and she told me her boyfriend was around the corner waiting for her. “I’m going to miss you,” I said and hugged her.

“I’ll miss you, too. Promise me you’ll think about the whole thing. I don’t like how sad you look,” she said and I promised her I would think about it.

“And I’m going to miss you, too, little man,” I said and bent over the little baby. “Let your mom sleep at night and you know if you ever need music advice be sure you come to me, ‘cause your mom has a awful taste – if you even can call that taste,” I said and she slapped my arm playfully. “Hey, no violence in front of your boy,” I said laughing. She hugged me one last time and I walked back to the hotel.

I noticed that almost every one of the guys was on his phone except Johnny and the Berry Brothers. “What the fuck is goin’ on?” I muttered and went towards my room. I had the feeling, that they had a problem with me and tried to avoid me. Shortly after I had left the room there was a knock on my door. I had a feeling that I knew who was there. “Come in,” I said and Johnny entered my room.

“We really need to talk,” he said and took a step nearer. Maybe he was right, we finally have to talk about some things, but the same time I was sure that I didn’t know what to say and if I even wasn’t ready for this. “What do you want?” I sighed and scooted over so he could sit down on the other side of my bed.