Glass Hearts

Chapter 2:

The rest of the day was spent locked up in my room, Luke and Calum went to go meet Alex while I stayed sitting at the edge of my bed where I saw Michael last night.

I didn't know what to do, it was exactly 9 days. 9 days until it would officially be three years.

And I don't think I could handle that right now.

I got up, my legs feeling like jello since I've stayed here since the fight this morning.

And it was nearly three in the afternoon.

My stomach growled, and I awkwardly made my way to the kitchen. I'm glad they Luke and Calum were both gone, as bad as it sounds. It's not that I didn't love the boys, we just needed our space.

I sat at the table on my own, the thought of food leaving my head completely.

Because it finally hit me that I was alone.

Calum and Luke both had girlfriends, two sweet girls that I've grown to treat like my sisters. But they moved on, and I couldn't.

I couldn't just give my heart to someone else.

I didn't realize I started crying until little drops were forming on the table, and I pushed them away quickly.

I wanted do do it again.

I wanted to do it so bad.

It's the only thing that seemed to relieve the pain.

Michael used to always tell me that every time I felt the need to hurt myself to just pull out my cajon, or go to my drums and start playing.

So I grabbed the small box out of closet, sitting it in front of my bed along with the pages of scribbled song lyrics.

I never sang much in the band, although Michael loved to hear my voice. He was better though. He always would be.

I started flipping through the pages, aged with tear stains and rips along the edges. There were so many songs, whether they were ones that I wrote and never shared with the boys or ones that we performed at our concerts.

I came across The Only Reason, I remember the day Michael wrote it, I was in my room when he came barging in. He started jumping around like a little kid, and handed me the sheet of paper, and from there we created the song.

It really was a beautiful song, I knew Michael was proud of it, which made me proud of him. So I grabbed the sheet, sitting it next to me as I started to beat my hands against the cajon, and despite the lump in my throat... I started to sing.

"Don't talk, let me think it over, how we gonna fix this, how we gonna undo all the pain?"

I couldn't help but imagine him singing it, his body being taken over by nerves because he feared he wasn't good enough. And as I finished his part, I thought I saw him standing there, a smile on his face bigger than I've ever seen before.

And that's when I lost it.