Chapter 1:

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Chapter 1:

I saw Michael last night, like I always would. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, usually I would see him leaning against my door or sitting on the floor staring up at me.

Every night was so vivid, although it was just a dream, sometimes it made me think it wasn't a dream. That it really was real.

Was it really Michael?

Was he doing this to be seen?

Or was it just my mind playing tricks on me? It seemed to do that a lot lately.

But no matter what, every night I would see him. He would ask me how I was and I would reply with the same thing.

"It would be better if you were here."

I would cross my arms, no matter if I was buried underneath the sheets or rising to my feet to get a better look at the boy. My arms would be crossed across my chest and there would be a hint of sorrow in my eyes. And all he would do was hug me, uncrossing my arms and lacing them across his back. And then he would tell me that he loved me before I would wake up in a fit of sobs.

It felt so real, he looked so real. The way his t-shirt draped off of his shoulders with ease and showed off his collar bones. The way his eyes gleamed with hope like they used to, and the way his hair would spike up in little bits of black and red. Everything about the dreams made me fall in love with Michael all over again.

I got up, untangling myself from the sheets and surveying my room one last time before walking out into the kitchen.

"G'Morning." Calum muttered, flipping on the coffee pot and taking a seat at the table next to Luke.

"Morning." We were all still close, the boys were still happy, and tried their hardest to make me happy too. We were still best friends and we made new memories, but there were still days where it was harder to get around.

"Did you sleep well?" Luke asked awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"I guess."

"Are you still having the dreams?"

I paused, focusing on the table we were sitting at before I replied with a slight nod.

"Must be hard." Calum said, going to the cabinet and retrieving 3 coffee mugs, dodging the one that Michael would always use and setting them out on the counter.

"I've gotten used to it really." There was a hint of anger in my tone, Luke took the hint and changed the subject quickly.

"So Alex wants to meet up with us today."

"Oh?" I pretended to be interested, but in all reality I hated talking about the band or anything to do with it.

"Yeah, he wants to see if he can convince us to start up again."

I scoffed, and Calum gave me a look. His brown eyes met mine and he shook his head slightly before going to get the milk out of the fridge.

"Is there a problem Cal?"

"No, I just wish you would give it a chance Ashton."

"How could I?"

"It's our band! We were getting big Ashton!"

"We can't carry on without him!!" I slammed my fist against the table, making Luke jump. Calum sighed sliding a mug in front of me.

"Ashton it's been almost 3-"

"But we can't just forget about Michael!"

"Do you ever think I would forget about him Ash!?!" Calum's eyes were filled with tears, his face red, and veins popping out of his neck.

The scene slowed, their eyes were filled with worry whenever they looked my way. This isn't the first time we fought like this, but I sure as hell wasn't used to it.

I hated fighting with these boys, they were my brothers. And fighting only tore us apart.

And Michael wouldn't want that, would he?

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