RAPED

33.It's never the right time

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Martina
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Even now, when my life wasn't as complicated as it was before. The thing that leaves me puzzled is that that one disaster succeed to take possesion of my mind as it always did.

Perhaps it was because of my father, which I had not spoke since last night.

It was cruel of him to force me to leave the only person that brights up my days behind. Like , what was he thinking?

I couldn't sleep because of it, I only kept seeing my mothers face. Hearing her yelling at him she'd never come back to him and his curced family. She had hurt him badly, just as she had hurt me to leave me behind without even giving me the chance to decide which side I would choose.

I was doomed to stay behind with my father while she would start a new life without us. Perhaps it was the best for her, but she didn't even think about me.

I blamed myself for that, since I was the biggest problem in her life.

So yeah, here I am in the middle of the shopping centre. Having no clue why I'm even still here.

My parents aren't together, I'm their mistake.

I shouldn't even been born at the first place. Just imagine how much problems it would have solved between everyone.

I would never have broke Masons heart, my parents would have loved other people , my friends would have been better off with other people.

"What are you doing here?" Suprised I escaped out of my misserable thoughts as a male voice filled my ears. One that had not dare to talk to me for a while.

The sun burned my eyes as I looked up to him. "Oh, hey"

"Don't you have class?" he asked as he sat on the empty space of the bench, beside me.

"Yeah, don't you?"

"Fine" He shook his head, making fun of it. "So you still come here?"

Yeah, I probably should explain I was sitting in the front of this book store I used to come on a daily base. To be exact, Mason made me discover this place about a year ago.

"Oh" I whimpered , not even having enough courage to look at him. "I didn't even realise"

"hm" he hummed slowly as answer. It might be just me, but I had this feeling he couldn't take his eyes of me.

Actually it made alot of heat go up there, making me wonder what the hell he was doing here. What does he even still want of me?

"We haven't talk in a while"

Oh crap..

"It might sound cheesy , but after spending so much time with you..well yeah..You know"

I know? Where the fuck was he going to?

"Right?"

The doubt in his voice made me look at him. And yet, even after I had shared so much moments with him. I still couldn't figure out if he was being honest.

"What right?"

"You know.."

"Know what?" I stated, ugh how much I hated that whine in my voice.

He really couldn't choose a better timing to actually start talking to me.

"That I miss being around you" He exclaimed after while.

Even though something inside of me wanted to believe what he just told me, I just couldn't.

Perhaps it was the suprise, or the wrong moment. But after all of his bullshit I really didn't feel like talking about feelings.

Especially not with Mason.

"You know, you and your dad or your mom"

He doesn't even know.

I shook my head, frightnend to hear more of it. He couldn't just hop by, asking for me to open up to him again after all this time. What was he even thinking?

"Mason" I inhaled a few times as my fingers tried to hold grib onto the bench I was sitting on. "I'm really not into talking about this"

"Sweetheart"

Not only his words, but as his hand stroke up onto my back I stood up in a single reflex.

"Really, stop talking to me"

"Martina" He sighed out like I was the most diffecult human being in the world, making me feel even more misserable than I already did. "Calm down, It's not like you don't miss me. We had a good thing going on"

Yeah and that thing ended about eight months ago.

"Martina, what's wrong with just talking as two normal people?" He stood up now, walking closer.

I stepped back. Ever since what happened I can't stand boys being too close to my comfort zone.

The only one who knew how to slip its way trough it was Jorge to be honest.

Which made me realise something else.

I was lying to him once again.

"We better don't" I insisted , now feeling guilt everywhere.

Not one reason was able to be found as I tried to understand how.

How could Jorge even be willing to want me in a way like that?

Which made me think clear for the very first time this day. I had screwed things up so badly.

"I-I..I should go" I tried not to burst out in tears as I litterally ran my way out of the mall.

I had to call him right now.

What the..

13 missing calls.

Anxiously I dialed his number, waiting for him to pick up.

Come on..Come on..

"Martina" His voice sounded like a sigh of relieve as he opened the call.

I don't know why, but that was the moment when I bursted out in tears.

Perhaps it was just because everything fell together.

"Baby where are you, what's going on?"

He sounded just that worried as I was feeling.

"I messed up Jorge" I sniffed inbetween my cries, only getting louder with the second. " I messed up so fucking bad"

It hurted, so freaking much.

"Where are you? Tell me, where are you"

"The mall" I mumbled, not even caring if he'd see me like this.

The whole world could die with their opinions along.

"Babe, it's going to be fine okay. I'm coming"

"No" I shook my head, crying even more as I let out a frustrated breath.

That feeling had grave such a deep hole inside of me. And it was filled with the finest sadness I had ever experienced.

"Yes it is" He said back. perhaps it was his soothing voice, but it felt like he was telling the truth. Even though it wasn't.

"I'm so sorry"

"Baby don't be, just hang on. I'm coming for you"