Order of 2062

Chapter 18

It just happens. One moment, I am sleeping peacefully on a Saturday- being careful not to sleep on my precious baby. And the next, I wake up in a pile of blood. First, it is the shock. Second, it is mad hysteria. And lastly, it's realization. 

I am dealing with a miscarriage in seven weeks of pregnancy. 

I suck in a shaky breath as I feel salty tears drip from my jaw line to the bloodied sheets. In this century, miscarriages are normal and common, but I just didn't think it would happen to me. 

Ron holds me and I can feel his hot tears drip onto my shoulder as he cradles me. I feel as though the earth as shifted from under me and I am just falling. I feel numb and in so much pain at the same time. 

"I am so sorry," I cry once I am finally able to form words. I feel Ron shake his head as he responds with, "Baby, it is not your fault. It never was. It never will be."

"But-"

"This happens. It's just part of life. As a science teacher, I know that losing our baby is due to some type of deformity in the genome. I promise it won't happen again. I promise, baby." He whispers and softly rubs my back. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand and I take another deep shaky breath. 

"Okay, well, go take a shower and I will meet you there. I just need to clean this mess up," I say.

He replies, "Baby, you go take a shower. I will clean it up. Go."

"Okay," I weakly say. There is no point in arguing. I just really hope he isn't hurting as much as me. It is too unbearable. 

I crawl out of bed and walk into our master bathroom. I slowly undress myself and turn on the shower head. I wait for the water to turn warm before I walk in. I stand in the water as I stare down at my feet- watching the blood-stained water drain. 

In a couple minutes, Ron joins me in the shower. He gently kisses my neck and holds me. 

"I love you," I whisper. 

"I love you too."

When we are done showering, I get dressed for work as he does. He insists that we should both take sick days, but I don't think being unproductive will solve anything. I kiss him goodbye and I drive to work. 

Once I arrive, I immediately inform Lilly. Lilly hugs me and promises to take me out for drinks to 'drown our sorrows' as she put it. 

I distract myself for the rest of the day. 

I feel so lost and confused. I am not sure if I can go through another loss. I didn't have my first ultrasound, gender reveal, and I didn't even tell Mom or his side of the family. We speak of baby names, but we hadn't chosen any. 

I drive home deep in thought, and as soon as I come home, I collapse on my bed. Ron is a grown man, and so I am sure that he can cook for himself. I snuggle into the pillows and bed sheets. I get comfortable and then I begin breaking down. 

I get absorbed in my thoughts and suddenly, I begin shaking. My whole body trembles as I sob into my pillows. I hope Ron stays late at work, so that he doesn't see me like this. I hate being broken around him. I should be strong like him. 

I feel weak. Physically weak and mentally weak. 

I wish I woke up this morning feel the slight bump on my stomach. But no, life just had to be cruel. 

Abruptly, I hear the phone ring. I answer it. At first, there is no sounds from the other end of the line. 

And then, I hear Marc Diadem's voice for the first time in a year:

"I am sorry for your loss."

A/N: WOAHHH....told you that it would be depressing. Don't worry, the next chapter will be much in a hopeful tone. And yes, two updates on the same day. WOOHOO. Sorry, I am trying to bring light to this depressing chapter. Anyways, feel free to vote, comment...cry... 

As depressing as this chapter WAS, tell me in the comments how you felt about it. I am completely not offended if you don't. I love my silent readers (I haven't said so in a long while). Honestly, the song for this chapter is perfect and I do hope you listen to it. Cya -KAyla