Chills

eighteen

I'm staring at me. It's weird because I'm here but I'm also there. How can I be in two places at once? It's like my conscious is here but my body is in the coma.

I look horrible. I'm a sick shade of green, rotten black and dark red. I have bruises everywhere and I'm glad I can't see the stitches in my stomach, otherwise I'd probably pass out.

I'm pretty sure this flash forward is more in the future than when Clarissa surprised Robby with her unwanted presence. I smile at that moment. Mostly just the end of the flash forward when I figured out how to touch things.

I'm scared to touch myself, though. Not my ghost self but my physical body. What would happen if I did? Would I just cease to exist?

I look around the small square room. There's only one bed so I guess I'm the only patient in here at the moment. There's an empty chair beside the coma. Robby probably sat there and waited for me to wake up.

I wonder how much time he waited. Probably not long if he went off with Clarissa.

The familiar sour taste I get whenever I think of Clarissa sits on the base of my tongue. Dread fills me as I imagine what they're doing right at this second. Robby probably doesn't even care about me anymore if he's not here. I doubt he's in the waiting room.

A door clicks behind me. I whirl around, expecting to see a nurse checking up on me, but am surprised to see Robby. Thankfully he's alone. He looks slightly better. He's found a balance between obese and anorexic. He still looks shaken up and his eyes are wildly looking everywhere around him except at me. He closes the door behind him softly. He turns slightly to do so and I notice he has a bouquet of lilies--my favourites--behind his back.

When he turns around, his face is solemn and dark. I can literally see the physical pain this is causing him by being here. If our roles were reversed, I'd probably be a bawling mess. So he's holding up pretty well. Of course, I'm not sure how much time has passed since I've been unconscious.

"Hello love," he mumbles sadly. I know he's trying to appear chirpy for my sake. A few years ago he read an article about people in comas and how if they're unconscious they can still hear you. "Man, it's freezing in here. How are you not shivering awake?"

He chuckles softly at his attempt at a joke and when he realizes I'm not moving or going to laugh, his lips morph into a straight line. My heart aches for him. He looks like a lost puppy that just needs to be cuddled.

"Anyways, I'm back."

So he's visited me often then. Unless he's just saying that, again for my sake. Something is warming my stomach and I think it's the joy of being able to see Robby (without that slut).

"Welcome back, Robby," I say even though I know he can't hear me.

He flops down onto the chair and scoots over until he's leaning over me. He tenderly places the lilies beside my arm, and without warning kisses me quickly on the forehead.

My hand flies up to my temple--I wish I could've felt that. Robby lowers himself back onto the chair and smooths out the sheets in front of him. His hand gravitates towards mine, like it's second nature to him by now. He stares at my face and I can see the tears starting to form in the corner of his eyes.

"I really hope you wake up, Ivree," his voice cracks. "I need you here. You complete me and I know I've been such a jerk to you...but you need to understand I was hurt."

"I was hurt too, Robby."

"What happened to us was something I hope no couple will ever have to go through. It's heart wrenching, and even more so when you push your wife away and then she ends up in a coma. I never got a chance to apologize. Every day I woke up and determined that that day was gonna be the day I finally say sorry. Then I would see you sleeping soundly or I'd see your face and everything would break inside me again. I couldn't forgive you because you reminded me too much of what happened."

"Robby..." A sob breaks out of my mouth.

"You were--are--everything to me and I can't lose you, too. Fight this. Fight this for me, for us. I won't let you go," he hesitates. "I have something else to tell you, actually... Do you remember that girl we met at that party?"

"Clarissa?" I spit out. My hands ball into fists instantly and my body tenses at the mention of her name.

"The girl who thought I was her first love? Her name's Clarissa. She's been helping me through this and to be honest, I wouldn't have been able to survive without her. She was there got me when no one else was--my college best friend didn't even come all the way over here to see if I was okay! Clarissa did though. She went out of her way and has been pushing me out of my depression."

He lifts the hand that's not clutching on to my hand to his face and wipes the stray tears that have fallen onto his cheeks. I hadn't even realized he was silently crying. He makes no sound, the tears just spill out of his beautiful eyes.

I feel guilty for ever thinking he deserved this. I understand why he was hurt, I'm just frustrated that he kept me out of his true emotions and that for him to finally apologize, I'd have to be dying.

I wish I could embrace him into a tight hug and squeeze the pain away. Though, he does have Clarissa to do that for him. My guilt is quickly replaced with the familiar sensation of anger. That's the only emotion I've been feeling for the past however-many-days I've been stuck in these memories.

I'm upset that he could be that blind to her true intentions. I roll my eyes.

"You don't look that sad, if you ask me. She's all over you and she's distracting you from me. Don't you see that's her goal! She doesn't care about me! She wants you back!" I screech.

Flustered, I comb my hands through my hair, not caring if I yank some out of my head. Robby removes his hand from his face and looks lovingly at my destroyed face.

"I have another confession. I know I told you that Clarissa had confused me with someone else...but she hadn't. I was her first love, and she was mine." He closes his eyes and bows his head in shame. I grit my teeth. I had already guessed this, it shouldn't come as a shock to me but it still shakes me to the core. "I didn't tell you this before because I didn't want to lose you. You mean more to me than she ever will though and I know that telling you that she has been helping me won't make you happy. So I hope it helps you wake up."

My eyes widen. It takes me a few moments to process what he's implying but when I do, I can't help but beam at my husband. That's actually a really good tactic to inspire me to work harder to get to Robby.

I grin mischievously. Plus, once I wake up, I'll be able to beat the crap out of Clarissa and scare her away for good! I want to laugh evilly like in those cartoons but I feel like that'd be too weird so I settle for a small punch of victory in the air.

"Ivree, I believe in you," Robby whispers. "You're smart. There's nothing that can get in your way."