Chills

six

I'm back. I'm in the same place, with the same sunny-snowy white and twinkling stars around me. I'm confused and don't know what's going on but I know this isn't normal. I'm stuck in an infinite white square, box, circle--or maybe it's shapeless. I'm stuck in a huge shapeless white nothingness. Great.

I pull my knees up to my chest and stare at nothing, literally. All I see is white and it's blinding. What happened to me that I got shipped here? I try thinking back to the first time I was here and what I did to get out. Did I even get out? I frown and chew on the inside of my cheek. I've been stuck here, duh, of course! I never came out. This is an illusion, and the dreams or memories I keep seeing are to keep me distracted. From what, though?

I nibble harder on my cheek, and I know if I wasn't here and if I could actually feel something, I'd be hurt or bleeding. What could this blank universe be hiding from me? Blank...

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"Hey, that's pretty good. I think that's your best one yet," a voice behind me says, causing me to jump forward and almost trip into my blank canvas. I twirl around and raise my arms in defence. Robby takes a step forward, tears of laughter in his eyes while he removes his checkered scarf.

"Robby! Geez, you scared me to death...and you almost made me ruin my painting." I wave my sky-blue-dipped paintbrush in the air.

Once he's stopped laughing, after having paused once and then bursting out in laughter again, he stares at the canvas behind me. "What are you going to paint?" His gaze flickers to meet mine.

I turn my back to him and confront the problem I've been facing. I'd been staring at this for hours, unable to gather any good ideas nor any inspiration like I usually do when I'm in this room (Robby's future office). I feel Robby's arms circle around my stomach and then his nose presses against the back of my head. Excitement bubbles in my stomach, weakening my arms and legs. Not sexual excitement, but being held by the person you love excitement.

The paintbrush in my hand clatters to the ground and it almost sounds like a gunshot, so Robby and me both jerk away.

"Oops..." I turn around so my face is buried in his chest. He pulls my chin up and observes me for a while. Feeling self-conscious, I dart my eyes away as a blush blooms on my cheeks. I had barely put any makeup this morning, so I hoped I looked good.

"Paint this," Robby whispers, then kisses my neck. His tongue tickles as he plays with my skin by sucking on it and then letting go when I moan.

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I blink and suddenly I'm not in Robby's office with him arousing me anymore--I'm in the blank wasteland. My skin tingles from where Robby's lips were, but I know that's only my imagination. I shake my head disappointedly and bury my face into my palms. Why do I sometimes leave this place unexpectedly, and then when I want to leave it doesn't work? How did I do it the other times? I lift my head. I had thought a word and then I was plunged into colours. It's like in the time I blinked, or closed my eyes, and thought 'blank', I was transported back in time and actually lived it like the first time. I got to relive a memory that I loved or enjoyed and the consequence is feeling lost, exhausted and confused.

I still haven't decided or figured out what here is, but I know I'm not going to be waltzing out any time soon. I'm stuck here, and there's no way out except through memories.