Chills

ten

Robby could be so demanding sometimes. He always feels the need to rub in my face that I have plenty of time on my hands since I don't work. Well I have things to do around the house and I don't always have time to just do everything for him!

Frustrated, I groan loudly inside the car, while tightening my grip on the steering wheel. I actually want to pound my fist through the steering wheel but I don't want to alarm anyone around me with the horn.

I roll my eyes. Robby and I were married. We were supposed to be the unstoppable pair, the loving duo, but no Robby had started acting selfish. I had turned into his slave that did things for him instead of us being a mutual help who supported each other. Just because we were married did not mean he had the right to boss me around and send me places because he felt that I was his property. Being married meant that two people were legally connected to their best friends, soulmates or partners.

Sure we've been through a lot, maybe more than normal married couples go through, but that doesn't give him the right to shove me away from him. I want to help him. I furiously rake my hands through my hair.

Men and their need to always being the strong ones.

Robby was so caught up with being hurt and shutting me out that he didn't realize I was still in pain as well. I don't think he'd care at this point or he'd actually blame me if I told him. He's never verbally told me that he thinks it's my fault but his actions speak louder than his unverbalized words.

I've never had enough guts to confront him about it and try to make him feel guilty, just like he's doing to me, but I'm terrified that he'd leave me or do something we'd both regret. Every time an argument is about to explode between us, I take blame or I let him blow off some steam. Then later in the day, I will get frustrated with myself and my situation that I'll yell at a wall to release my stress because I will never be able to say these things to his face.

These days, Robby has been especially moody and I'm not sure why, but he's been taking his anger out on me when I really don't deserve that. I've tried being the good, loving wife and do everything to keep him happy but just everything I do isn't good enough for him. I've put in the quadruple--probably more but I'm not sure what the term is after four--amount of effort than he has.

He should appreciate me! Literally anyone else would've left or would have fought back. He's lucky I love him so much that it's physically impossible for me to do any of those. I guess I'm destroying myself but I decided long ago that I deserve everything bad in my life.

I feel like in my past life, I was a horrible person and did many crimes so karma has decided to ruin this life because of that. When I was younger, luck was rarely on my side and I was a super clumsy person. I got my heart stepped on and disappointed but I accepted it because I thought one day my sentence would be done. When I met Robby I thought, finally! I can be happy now. It was great for the first four years but all good things come to an end. Nothing good can last, as they say.

The light at the next intersection turns yellow and I debate whether or not I'll have enough time to drive through before the light turns red. There's a car in front of me so I doubt I'll be able to. The light turns red and the car in front of me speeds before the other cars have the chance to start driving.

Crazy people. It's like they want to get into a crash.

When my car has stopped behind the white lines, I go back to thinking about Robby.

He just made me so mad and I was angrier at myself for not stepping up for myself. I hated how Robby could push all my buttons and get away with it.

That's when something inside me suddenly snaps.

I shouldn't have to deal with this. I should be able to be happy. I know it's the adrenaline from being angry that I'm thinking like this but I don't care. I'm going to try to convince the side of me that's frightened to talk back to Robby to do it.

Aren't you tired of being treated like you're trash?

My nose flares and I feel my cheeks burn from all this anger. When I get home, I will sit him down and make him listen to my point of view.

The light turns green, awakening me from the scenario I was creating in my head. I push the words on the tip of my tongue and focus on the road.

Since it's my right of way, I assume it's safe to go. The thought that someone hadn't realized it was a red light on their side never crossed my mind so I didn't bother checking to my left to see if there were cars coming. Normally when it was green for me, cars weren't supposed to enter the intersection, which meant I was supposed to be safe. You just had to check beside you to make sure you weren't going to scratch the car in the lane next to you. Even then, I usually just stayed in my lane and hoped the people beside me would do the same. If everyone did that then there was almost a 0% possibility for a crash. So I never noticed that the person beside me hadn't released their foot from the break and had stayed where they were. I was the only car driving forward.

A shrill horn makes me snap my head to my left to see what was happening. I think maybe a pedestrian is taking too long to cross or someone is taking their sweet time. I never expected to see the front of a huge red pickup truck the size double of Robby's tiny Grand Am coming straight for me.

I don't even have time to react. I don't even scream. The pickup rams into the driver's door, stopping me from going forward and pushing me to the side instead. I hear metal scraping on metal. It's such an ear-splitting noise that I'm not even sure if I screamed or not. I just assumed I didn't, but maybe I just didn't hear it. I feel the pressure of the door pressing into my side and I'm pretty sure something sharp stabs me in the thigh.

I'm not sure what's going through my mind because everything is so quick yet I feel everything going slowly. My eyes stay glued in front of me so I watch the cars just staying where they are. Then I see them turn until they're upside down. My mind doesn't register that it's actually me that's upside down. The pickup hasn't stopped yet, maybe the guy driving is just as in shock as I am and has no idea what to do, so I just keep flipping over and over until the other side of the car rams into a pole. It doesn't crush the car though because I think the guy finally pressed on his breaks just in time. I tilt my head to the left and wince. My eyes drop to my body and I realize that a metal part of the pickup has pierced my abdomen. My legs are pinned against the seat and I can feel blood gushing from my thighs.

"No--" I manage to spit out and I feel warm liquid falling from my lips. I know it's blood, like in those movies. I always thought that was so fake when the movie stars bled from their mouth because I didn't understand. Nothing had hit them in the mouth, why were they bleeding there? I finally realize that it's from bleeding on the inside. The blood has no where else to go so the mouth seems like a perfect escape route.

Someone tries opening the door or the guy in the pickup truck is backing up because I feel the metal in my core shift. I literally feel my stomach rip apart and something gushes out of the wound. I shriek in pain and almost pass out from all the blood running out of the huge gash. The blood doesn't look like in the movies, it looks darker and thicker. My blood looks almost black but I can't tell if it's the metal making it appear darker.

I think my lung collapses because suddenly I'm having trouble breathing. My chest won't rise properly and I can't get oxygen inside my lungs. With the small amount of oxygen I'm able to suck in, I scream as loud as I possibly can--it's more like a small yelp because my body is weakening. Nobody hears me I guess because the metal keeps moving very slowly, sending horrible pain spasms through my body. I grip the edge of the seat with my right hand and pant while trying to contain my screams. I see black spots in the corners of my eyes and I know I'm about to lose consciousness.

"Robby--!" I shriek just before the dark swallows me.