Yours, Alexis Harding (MAJOR EDITS WILL BEGIN SHORTLY)

Chapter Four

     

 Dear Hayden,

   

   The experimenters aren't happy with me for a multitude of reasons, but I'm not going to bore you with the details. All you need to know is that:

1. They think I talk about them too much, and

2. I seem to be falling in love with you again, rather than moving on.

   But you know what I think? I think these letters are for me. Not them. I can do whatever I want with these, right? I still do need to get paid, though, so mention of them will be minimal from now on. Say goodbye to these lovely people, Hayden! You're likely never to hear from them again! (I feel stupid saying that, considering you've never actually heard from me since Paris.)

   Oh, not to mention the fact I never elaborated about our little adventure after karaoke... In a way that felt too personal, like a happy memory I wanted to keep just for me. Boy were the ladies in the team mad about that!

      One thing I can share, though, is your obsession with playlists. It was something I became certain of that night, you had a playlist for everything. All kinds of tapes with all kinds of songs for all the different things going on in your life. I tore my belongings apart last night looking for one of my absolute favorite tapes, the first one you ever officially gave me, not the ones I've stolen from you before then. Good thing I'm not sharing my space here, or else I would've been kicked out for causing a disturbance at 3 in the morning.

      I remember the night you gave it to me, it was right before Halloween, about a month after we met. We'd made things official by then, you had already finally met my dad, who had adored you just as much as my mother had, and I drove down to Oregon with you and met your family, including Cara, your adorable golden retriever. It was still just the first semester, but I was just about ready to graduate from high school, I was ready to get on with the rest of my life once and for all and see what else the world has to offer.

   We were hanging out at your place, a typical night for the two of us. I was telling you about one thing or the other, I can't really remember what it was anymore. Some sort of rant about the Gilmore Girls revival that was coming up or not knowing what costume I wanted to wear for the parties we were going to. "One party for you, and one for me," you'd said. You were sitting on your desk, working on something, and I was laying on your bed, wearing one of your hoodies, just looking up at the ceiling and fiddling with the oversized sleeves.

      You quietly made your way towards me and threw yourself down next to me. You looked right in my eyes and rendered me speechless. It had been a month, I still couldn't resist your beautiful blue eyes. You leaned in and gave me a quick kiss, making me feel all fuzzy and warm on the inside that I forgot about whatever it was I was complaining about. That was when you handed me the little black tape, with nothing as labelling except "Her".

      "Hayden..." I began, unable to really form any other words. I was overwhelmed, I knew exactly what these playlists meant to you, what they meant if you spent the time working on them. You only ever prepared a playlist if it was the absolute right time for one to be made.

      "Just cause," you'd said, smiling that same lazy smile you always had.

       I cut you off before you could say anything else. I kept giving you quick pecks all over your face, the only way I knew how to express myself at that moment. I will never forget the sound of your laugh right at that moment.

      You sat up and I followed suit. I vividly remember how I felt right then. I don't know if I've ever tried explaining it to you, but that was exactly when I knew the degree at which I was falling for you. You got up, placed the tape into your little cassette player, and held my hand to get me off of your bed.

      "Shall we?" you grinned, I came closer to you and put my head on your chest and started crying as I realized the first song you had was "Turning Page" by Sleeping At Last. Somehow, you always knew the exact right songs I had in mind. Sometimes, it's a complete coincidence, but still so spot on that I think it gives those fate skeptics a run for their money.

      I remember feeling you laughing but still holding me closest to you as humanly possible. I closed my eyes and swayed to the music with you in the tiny room. At one point, you raised my head to look at you, you were quiet but kept looking at me. You kissed me again, then smiled and wiped away a stray tear from my cheek.

   "You know," you said, still looking at me in a way I've never experienced before, "I really think I'm falling in love with you."

One of your roommates decided it was the right time to announce the arrival of pizza, so you turned off the tape and lead me out to the living room before I could say anything else.

      We were happy. We were really, truly happy. What happened, Hayden? I may never even get an answer. I feel stupid doing this.

      

   Will I ever seriously move on from you?

   Alexis.

   

P.S. Do you remember the playlist? I've been laying in bed listening to the same seven songs all day today.

   

Turning Page - Sleeping At Last

The Well - Imaginary Future

I See The Light - Tangled Soundtrack

When I Look At You - Miley Cyrus

Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran

You Are In Love - Taylor Swift

Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran