Every Bad Thing

Chapter Thirty-Four

"L..." Hadeon carefully called, like I'm some fragile glass that needs proper handling.

My lips quivered until the tears rolled down my cheek. I released my lip and let the whimper come out of my mouth. Hadeon inhaled sharply. I heard him hurry his steps towards where I was. He sat beside me and gripped on my arms. He turned my body and pulled me to him for a tight embrace.

"It's been four years..." Hadeon started, his voice hushed.

I shook my head. I lifted my hand and weakly pushed him off me. "Not you, too, please."

For four years, the topic never came up between us. It was an unspoken taboo discussion. Four years ago, I was thankful because I wasn't ready to talk about him. It's already been four years, and I'm still... not... ready. 

"I know your still mending your wounds in your own ways. I'm trying to understand... But L... This isn't healthy. You're stuck and sooner or later, you'll drown if you don't move."

"You're better than this, twin." he lowly mumbled. I sniffed. "You deserve more than what you think you do."  

His words didn't bring me comfort. It only made me cry harder. I shook my head. My sobs came out loud. I could hardly see him from the amount of tears spilling from my eyes. 

"Alam mo yung ginawa mo lahat? Ibinigay mo lahat, pero kulang pa rin? Sinubukan ko naman... When I transferred. I tried to get better.. at everything. I tried to be good, hoping that maybe... if we see each other in the future, meron akong maipagmamalaki. Makakaya ko na siyang tingnan nang hindi ako nasisilaw. Na maging pwede na kaming dalawa..."

"Pero paano ko naman gagawin iyon kung sarili kong utak, sinasabi na hindi ako sapat. How can do exactly that when even fate itself is proving that I'm worth nothing. My best isn't enough. I'll never be worthy of him. And everything equates to nothing without him, so what's the point of trying?"

 I looked down at my hands. My shoulders were shaking as I whimpered. "Hadeon... I feel so lost without him."  

"Is that so bad?" he asked. I lifted my eyes to look at him. His eyes were soft and gentle as he gazed at me. "Getting lost is a chance to get found. And isn't that a good thing?"

Nang tumahan ako sa pag-iyak ay tahimik na tumayo ako at umakyat ng hagdan para magkulong sa sarili kong kwarto. I stayed in my room the whole afternoon. I only went down when one of the maids knocked on my door at dinner time.

Everyone's present at the table, except Kuya Xavi, since he's still in Europe.  There's an uncomfortable silence when I came. This is the first time that I'll be joining them again for dinner after months. Hell, I can't even remember the last time I ate dinner with them.

"Sit down, Laurene." Mommy gently ordered.

"Wow. Nandito ka pala, Ate?" Hyon innocently stated.

"Hey..." I tried to flash her a smile as I sat on the chair beside Hadeon. Si Zeno ang katapat ko na ngayon ay nagtatakang pinapanuod ako. He can probably sense that something happened.

No one talked when the dinner started. Even the usually talkative Hyon was silent. What do I expect? What happened earlier isn't something to exactly rejoice about. They're disappointed at me and it's only right because I failed them. 

"Laurene." my father aridly called.

My hand halted mid-air. I closed my mouth and stood up straight before bringing down the spoon. I looked at him.

"Your mother and I decided to freeze all of your accounts." 

My eyes bulged. "What?"

"We'll be cutting your monthly allowance in half as well. You're also not allowed to use your car anymore or any of our cars. This is effective starting tomorrow."