Scared of the Shadows

Trembles

"Yep, no I can't do this anymore." He said as he held out the guitar to Silver. "Here, please take it."

Kade pushed the guitar into Silvers hand and turned around. After a short hesitation he mumbled something about needing a cigaret and walked over to his jacked. He didn't see Silver's face twisting from regret to sadness.

"I'm sorry just have to step outside for a minute." He didn't look at her. As he walked down the hallway to the back, Joe walked out of the kitchen.

"Hey, you okay kiddo?" Joe asked.

"Yes, fine." Kade grumbled as he moved past Joe however he was soon stopped by a hand grabbing his upper arm.

"Kade." As he flexed his arm he felt Joe's grip tighten slightly.

"Just let me have a smoke, please." As he forced out the last word Joe's grip loosened and Kade shook of his hand and quickly walked off, heading out the back door.

Behind him Silver watched him go and sighed.

"What happened?" Joe asked her.

"I'm not sure, I gave him my guitar to play, went to grab some picks from the dressing room and when I came back he was playing.." after a short hesitation she continued softly; "I don't know."

Joe huffed. "Alright well either you go talk to him or I will. Your choice young lady." He was starting to really care for Kade.

"I.. ehm I don- okay." Approvingly Joe nodded his head and moved to the side.

As Kade got outside he immediately lit a cigarette and took a long drag. When he finally exhaled the smoke he cursed and hit his fist against the wall. Feeling the rough stone biting his knuckles he slowly lowered his hand, the stinging already announcing the bruises to come. "Fuck!" He said again as he ran the same fingers through his hair, more stinging. He really didn't understand how it happened. He hadn't even realized she had come back. How had he lost it like that. He really didn't like it when people heard him play. His face was turning slightly red, unsure if it was shame, anger or shyness he just continued grumbling and cursing softly. Who was he kidding, he was shy. And it was stupid as hell.

As he heard the door open behind him he quickly stuffed his right hand into his jeans pocket while his stance got rigid. As his hand was protesting he heard a soft voice.
"Kade?" He could feel his ears turn red, couldn't she just leave him alone for a year until he forgot about this?

"Kade?" She asked again, this time much closer. He started to tense up as he tried not to walk off, as he normally would, inside his mind panic was starting. It turned into chaos, he wanted to get passed his shyness, but he didn't want people to watch him, he never liked that.
She was really cute and nice and pretty but that didn't change it only made it worse. So what if she didn't like it. Was she gonna laugh at him. He knew he was telling himself things he didn't even know yet, but he was losing it. She was coming too close physically but also into his life. It scared him at that moment and simply put he just wanted her to fuck off because he was panicking.

Her hand softly touched his left shoulder and he froze, his thoughts stopped and he shivered. He could feel a panic attack coming up as his hands started to shake. Why did she have to be here.

After a short hesitation her hand started to move over to his back. The tremors got worse, it was throughout his body now.

"Are you okay? Should I get Joe?" Silver asked.

That send off alarm bells in his head. He couldn't afford Joe seeing him like this. He had been messing up enough lately. So when she started to turn away from him, he turned to her and grabbed her arm with his bruised hand.

"Stop." He said with a hoarse voice.

He focussed his whole being on talking.

"It's an anxiety attack." He explained while his breaths were getting shorter.

"Don't.... Joe. Please." He managed to say. It was getting harder and harder to keep focussed, nevertheless standing.

"Kade listen to me, sit down. I'm not going anywhere." When he didn't move she grabbed his hand from her arm, he flinched slightly but Silver didn't notice. "Sit." She said and he slowly sat down with his back against the wall

"Okay, have you had this before?" She asked trying to look him in the eyes but his were darting from side to side. He nodded, his hand still holding the cigarette and his other which she was still holding in hers.

"Do you know why?" Again he nodded he couldn't focus his thoughts.

"Are you going to be alright?" This time he just raised his shoulders.

"Kade, look at me." He couldn't.

"Kade." He just kept looking at his own hands and that's when she did too.

Her being there did calm him down somewhat. As she took charge his anxiety didn't go further, but didn't stop either. Kade was still a bit shaky but his breathing was at least somewhat stable.

Instead of asking about his hand Silver decided against it.She knew the song Kade played on the guitar earlier.

And instead of asking him more questions and making him more uncomfortable than he already was she began to sing softly.

To Kade it sounded even more beautiful than before.

"I think you should know, how it feels falling down and out bellow when no one cares." Silver softly put her other hand on his bruised one as well. His cigarette had died and was forgotten on the floor next to him. "And I think you should know how it feels when the world buries your soul and you're still alive." As she stopped singing and silence fell, he slowly looked at her. She was looking at their hands and her eyes looked watery. As she got up he followed suit. As she turned away he pulled her back as he never let go of her hand. A surprised "Oooompff" could be heard as he pulled her into his chest and hugged her. His arms were instantly surrounding her. After a short moment her arms also came up and wrapped around his back.

When kade was about to speak both of their stomaches made themselves known by growling loudly. Laughing the 2 broke apart their hug Kade's. He didn't miss her quickly drying her eyes though before grabbing his hand.
"Lets go back in." She said, Kade nodded.