Is this happiness ?

Chapter III

The first thing Chuuya did after getting back home is throwing his bag somewhere and laying on his bed. He was so tired, why was interacting with people so tiring ?

"Can't i just sleep for like ... forever ..." he thought. But then, he knew sleeping won't help, he had to get up and study so that at least he won't have regrets when he'll fail in the end of the school year.

He took one of his books and opened it then suddenly felt a headache from all those kanjis he didn't understand :"Why is Japanese so fucking difficult?!"

He decided he would just study Mathematics for now, well not just for now because this was the only subject he had ever been studying since he came to Japan.

After three straight hours of suffering with functions, he looked out of the window and noticed the stars lightning the dark sky "They seem so happy being all together ... not being alone ... alone..." he felt like crying. He felt so lonely, he just needed some company, he just wanted someone to tell him that he was needed, that he wasn't useless, miserable, incapable.

He then noticed a star slightly far from the others, he pointed at it with his finger "This one is me ..." then his finger went to the other side where there were a lot of stars close to each other "Those are all the others from the school ..." then he looked back at the star that represents him and noticed that there actually was one beside it but was hidden by a cloud before, he pointed at it with his finger and said "This one is Dazai !", he instently blushed and turned his gaze from the sky as if Dazai was really there.

His gaze fell on his reflection in the mirror that was on his right side, he got closer and looked at his blushing face then his gaze went down to his lips as he repeated "Dazai ... Dazai-kun ... Dazai-san ... okay, let's just keep it with Dazai ..." his expression then changed when he remembered his cruel reality "Well, if i actually get to talk him again ...". He shook his head to forget those negative thoughts and smiled at himself :" At least it didn't sound that bad with my voice ..."

He was taken out of his reverie by his phone ringing. It was his Anee-san. No one could imagine how much he felt happy for talking with someone, someone who is not him, someone who is dear to him.

"Anee-san !"

"Ah Chuuya, how are you sweetie ?"

"I'm fine ..." he smiled at his own lie :"I was studying ..."

"I see that you are doing your best ... i would really want to help you but work won't end ... i unfortunately can't come back home tonight ..."

"Is that .. so ..." all the happiness he felt suddenly faded away.

"Isn't this what happens each night ?" He thought. He knew she was working for both of them, he knew they needed money to live but he couldn't help but feel angry, not angry with her but with the him who is silently angry with her while she was doing all her best for him.

"Yeah, i already prepared something for dinner, i put it in the usual place so eat it and sleep early okay ? "

"Okay Anee-san, don't overwork yourself and take care ..."

"Take care of yourself too, have a good night."

After she ended the call, Chuuya looked back at his reflection :"It will just be one of those nights you spend alone, nothing much Chuuya, you already are used, aren't you ?"He smiled, a saddened smile, now he could just cry as he does each night.

There was just that only one thought that wouldn't leave his mind now ...

"Where did i go wrong?"