The Elementalists

46.

I stayed mute. Opened it and walked away to the kitchen. Mich was cooking tonight, it smelled good.

Wafi had an amused look on his face at my cold greeting as he walked into the dining room. "Hey, Mich."

"Wafi!" Mich greeted cheerily as he turned away from the simmering pot. He rounded the counter to give Wafi a laughing hug consisting of several loud-sounding pats on each other's backs.

That always seemed like it hurt. Why do they do it anyway? It's not like they need to test if their friend is hollow.

I played around with my glass of eggnog as I wandered in my thoughts, my eyes drifted to the bags Wafi carried. He took a seat beside me and I promptly narrowed my eyes up at him.

"Fi." He sighed, tone soft. "Come on. I was just trying to protect you."

"I know." I growled. "But it doesn't mean what you're asking me to do all the time sits right with me."

"I'm not sorry." He frowned at me. "I don't know those two. I can't be sure they won't talk to someone."

"About what?!" I snapped. "That I'm actually the long lost sister of the adopted Prince Regent, who's half Water, and oh, a year older than she actually is?! Do you know how outrageous that sounds without proof to back it up?! They would sound like lunatics!" I pressed my face in my hands to avoid Wafi's worried eyes. "They don't trust me anymore. They don't trust a single word out of mouth. They think that everything I say has two sides now."

Wafi was quiet for a moment before reaching out to touch my shoulder, making me look up at him. "Hey, I understand wh-"

"No, you don't." I cut him off. "No, you goddamn do not understand, and cannot even begin to understand what I'm going through."

"Fiera..." He was using my full name again. Desperation crossed his hazel eyes. He shifted closer. "You... You're right... I can't. But unless you talk to me, how will I?"

I read his earnest face, my eyes skimmed across features I shared and features I didn't. He was my brother. He should be someone who understand, but we'd both grown up literal worlds apart. realms, even. He'd grown up not having to hide who he was, knowing where he belonged, knowing what to do, how to behave in a world inhabited by people like him. I'd grown up fluid. Constantly changing my personality, my place, my manners to fit in. Not knowing where I belonged, or if I even did. This realm was where I should belong. But I'd felt like an outsider ever since I'd taken my first step in here.

I stood up, unable to continue the conversation. "I need some fresh air." I spoke curtly as I rounded the table to head out the back.

It was a nice night. Mich had told me it was getting colder but I didn't feel it that much. And by the looks of it, neither did Wafi. There were fireflies visible in the trees beyond the boundary, flitting through the bushes and branches. Sitting down, I rolled my leggings up. A chill ran through me as my feet went in the cold water.

Exhaling softly, I waited for my aura to affect me enough for the chill to fade away. I found peace being by the water. It was something I'd been doing since I was a child. It might've just been my element, or me. It was calming to look at. Time would drift away as I sat there, thinking, not thinking.

I was angry. Sad at having to leave Christopher, mad at all the other people, and just playing tired of it all. I just wanted it to be over. I used to dread the day I come out as a Royal, and I still do. The feeling of not hiding anymore was unfamiliar to me now. The feeling of being me.

I just wanted to be free of it all. Just leave the realm once more and live in the human one, moving from place to place as we always do. It was my last year anyway. Once I go to college, I'll be done moving. I'll be done with it all. I wouldn't have the compulsion to practice my elements, or be terrified of Royals, or have to lie anymore. I wouldn't need to be somebody else. The somebody else who has been lying, and lying, and lying... and lying.