My Crazy Hot Interstellar Affair

15. Area Woman: Siri Just Doesn't Understand Me

Talia lay a crumpled heap on the gravel. Normally, Andie would consider an unconscious Talia, frozen with a look of shock on her face to be a great improvement over the usual sneering version, but right now Andie wished she would wake up and tell her where to find the remote signal to turn off the bomb.

"Andie, I do not think shaking her over and over will locate the device," said Ernest.

"But we're running out of time," Andie said, as she crawled over the gravel in search of anything that might be a bomb turning-off device.

"This is unfortunate news, Andie," said Ernest solemnly. "There is nothing we can do."

Pilot growled. "What is it boy?" said Andie.

Pilot gave her his "look."

"Sorry," said Andie. "What is it, oh Psychic Wonderdog?"

Ignoring Andie's sarcasm, Pilot held his tail erect, his head high over his shoulders, strutted to the collapsed pile of Talia, and gave the Amu assistant's face a thorough tongue bath. He drooled for good measure. His saliva flowed down her face into her ears and hair. Talia remained motionless. She had to be out cold. No conscious being could sleep through such slobber.

Pilot sniffed Talia's body. He growled at her stiletto boot and threw a beckoning glare at Andie. In her mind, she could almost hear him say, "Check out what's inside her boot. I think it might be the answer to saving our precious Sterling." What the hell? Had Andie heard a psychic message from the dog? Please let that not be the case. It was enough for one week that she had to accept the existence of aliens.

But then again. If he was right, it might save Sterling.

Andie tugged off Talia's boot and held it upside down. A pink iPhone fell out and landed with a thunk on the gravel. The screen illuminated a countdown clock. Less than ten minutes remained. Holy crap. Pilot found the signaling device. "Good, good, good, puppy," Andie cried, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Andie fumbled with the buttons, trying to unlock the screen.

"Unauthorized entry," said Siri. "Countdown continuing."

"Siri, shut down the destruct sequence," Andie screeched, her hand trembling.

"I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that," said Siri.

"I'm not Dave; I'm Andie. And you must shut down immediately."

"I'll need the proper entry code, Andie."

Think, think. What would Talia use as a code? Andie knew little about her other than that she was vain, ruthless, and insane. Insane people have their own logic, which is not comprehensible to the sane.

Eight minutes, thirty-two seconds, and counting.

"What is that device, Andie?" asked Rosalie.

"It's a Smart Phone. Have you never seen one?"

"It is not an Amu device," said Ernest.

"I know that," said Andie. Her palms sweated, and her head throbbed. She had to remain calm and think. Think. Talia was no rocket scientist, even if she was part of an advanced alien race. If she had intelligence, she wouldn't have put together such a convoluted plan to get Andie's cooperation.

"Wait. It's not Amu."

"No, Andie," agreed Rosalie. "We have no need for such basic devices. No disrespect intended, Andie. Also, we never have pink technology."

A pink iPhone.

What if ...

It was worth a try. Andie punched her password into the phone. The countdown continued, but she had successfully entered the main screen. She found an app icon of an airplane on fire hitting the ground titled Air Traffic Controller. Andie clicked. Four minutes, fifty-one seconds remaining. There were no navigation tools within the app. She pressed everywhere on the screen. In utter frustration and panic, Andie commanded Siri, "shut down sequence."