Falling leaves

chapter 16

"Nice to meet you too, mr. Jung" Yoongi greeted back and sat down on the armchair he sat down on multiple times.

"So, what brought you here if I may ask?" The psychiatrist in his early fifties asked.

Yoongi was guided to a lot of psychiatrists around the town but no one could help him. Who knew his mental health disorders could be this bad? Fortunately for him he bumped into mr. Jung while walking on the streets. Mr. Jung could see from the expressions of Yoongi's face that something was wrong but when he putted his hands in front of him to apologize the psychiatrist saw the few scares Yoongi assembled on the skin of his wrists. Without any further hesitation he asked the young man if he needed help. Yoongi first didn't trust the older man but when he showed Yoongi his card with personal information Yoongi didn't think twice before cursing under his breath, glad to finally found someone he could talk to. Well, he wasn't too sure considering the other psychiatrist almost ran away from how much Yoongi had to tell them and how they didn't understand him. As a consequence; Yoongi fell into a deeper depression. If the psychiatrists couldn't understand him nor he himself, who would do it then?

After that day he regularly went to mr. Jung for advice and solutions. It helped him undoubtedly but the other part was that he had to come over it by standing on his own feet and not in those of mr. Jung. So after a year and a half later he decided to take the matters in his own hands.

Yet here he is. On the armchair he once cried, he once laughed, he once thought about life and he once got afraid. Got afraid to never feel joy again like he used to in his youngest years of being a kid. But also because he feared not to understand himself in the time that is coming.

"So how are you doing?" Mr. Jung asked and put his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

Yoongi sighed and said "I've got one hundred problems"

Mr. Jung chuckled and shook his head. "Be more specific"

Yoongi first told the psychiatrist about how he bought an appartement for himself so he didn't had to live with his father. And also how his father followed him everywhere just to work on his nerves and bring him back home. But everyone knew that if Yoongi would get back home, he'll get yelled on, be treated like a slave and maybe also be beated up. But being beated up by his father is an exception, it only happens whenever his dad drunk too much or got high because of the weed he sometimes gets from his friends. Yeah, he once did some criminal activities but stopped once he almost got caught by the police.

Yoongi spoke and spoke and spoke, all that while mr. Jung listened attentively to him. Yoongi then stopped talking before beginning over a topic he believed never to talk about.

"...there is also a girl..." Yoongi begun and scratched the nape of his neck as to not know how to talk about it.

"I'm listening" Mr. Jung said with a small smile on his lips. He allready sensed the next thing that would come out of Yoongi's pink lips will be positive. Just like falling in love or something like that.

"And I sort of developped feelings for her..." Yoongi's cheeks received a tinted pink color, making mr. Jung grin at that. He never saw Yoongi like this. All shy and soft because of a girl.

"What's the bad thing about it then?" Mr. Jung asked slightly confused as to why falling in love would be bad.

"I lost my temper because of my dad's childish actions and let my anger out on her..." he looked down at his lap, feeling ashamed and guilty at the same time.

"Then go talk to her" mr. Jung encouraged him.

"But that's the problem, it has been like that for a few days now and I still can't show up in front of her and apologize." Yoongi fiddled with his fingers.

"Well, I understand why but the more you'll cower away the more you'll lose her" Mr. Jung's words scared Yoongi. He didn't want to lose her, she meant a lot to him.

"What am I supposed to do?" Yoongi whined. Writing a letter would be pathetic and talking to her would make him speechless. He never had to deal with such a situation like this.

"Yoongi, that girl is waiting for you and she surely will forgive you" Mr. Jung send a couraging feeling to him but that wasn't enough.

"What if she doesn't?" Yoongi asked.

"You see that," mr. Jung pointed to Yoongi's heart with hid infex finger "there is a heart and ever living being has one" he continued.

"There is a small burning fire in your heart and you're desperated to extinguish it. If you'll wait longer, that fire will grow and at the end you're whole heart will be on fire."

"What do you mean I have a fire in my heart?" Yoongi asked confusedly.

"You're desperated to see her but you can't because you're scared for what will happen and that's the cause of the fire."

"I understand and I'll try to talk to her today" Yoongi nodded his head nervously. Mr. Jung smiled sweetly and patted Yoongi on the shoulder.

"I'll see you or not anymore?" Mr. Jung asked. He knew that Yoongi will try to stand on his own feet and he knows that Yoongi won't come back anymore because he's a strong man. It doesn't matter if you have to be tall with a lot of muscles to be strong because Yoongi isn't that yet he's the strongest. His thoughts and his heart are the strongest although lots of people don't believe he has a heart.

__

"Should I message her and ask her to come to the tree?" Yoongi thought as he walked down the street of the familiar town he has grown to an adult in.

He sighed out loud, not caring about the people around him.

A few metres further he stopped in his tracks and looked to his right. His hands were warmly tucked into the pockets of his warm jacket and his hat was perfectly set on his head as he stared at a familiar view.

That playground. He came here every week to play with his mother when he was younger. His emotion already came above when he entered the small playground. He walked around and observed everything, nothing did change only the trashcans which were exchanged to green ones now.

He observed the small slide which he used to slide down from it. On the other side was a swing, he remembered how his mother always pushed him high in the air and how he laughed because of the tickling feeling in his tummy.

He slightly smiled and sat down on the bench his mother always sat on. The same spot she watched her son play with himself and sometimes with other kids. He was really shy after all so he prefered to play alone or with his mom.

All those memories flashed through his mind and he couldn't but let a single tear fall down his soft cheek. He then decided to stay there a few more minutes before going to his underground rap battle.

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A/N: Hi everyone! I'm sorry for not updating for almost one month but I was too busy with school and the exams. I also had like a mental breakdown so I was taking a break, I hope everyone understands and please look forward to the next chapter
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