Limits [BoyXBoy] [UNFINISHED/CANCELLED]

.:8:.

I was to afraid to let go of Kellin's hand. He was like my lifeline and the only thing keeping me from breaking down was our physical connection.

We found a town about a mile away from that awful place where the guards hurt the boy.

Oh, the boy... Now that I thought about it, the only reason he was not hurt before was probably his height. His face showed youth, but he was as tall as a teenager or slightly short adult and would probably be fit enough to work there. I could not help but wonder, visualising his vibrant green eyes in my mind, if there was a way I could have helped him. He was desperate, screaming, panicking, and I was on the other side of the fence, completely safe.

I could have probably climbed it, although the barbed wire was an issue. But a few scratches were worth saving someone. No, I would not have had enough time, the fence was huge. He could have climbed it, but the guards would have dragged him down. We had guns, we could have shot the men - nevermind, no ammunition.

No matter what solution I came up with, there seemed to always be something to debunk it. It was making me become hysterical. There was no way out, no loophole that I could think of. So I was left to just wish that neither of us ended up in that place.

The town we reached was not as destroyed as the previous one, but there was an eerie silence around the place. We did not see a single person out on the streets except for ourselves, although a few houses had lights on or shadows of people moving around inside. Something strange we noticed was the fact that some houses were completely deserted with not a soul inside of them and the doors left wide open. There was something haunting about those places.

"It's getting late, we need somewhere to stay the night," Kellin reminded, hinting towards entering one of the open houses. I nodded: it was the best option we had.

We picked a random house, which looked especially deserted, and stealthily went inside, searching the whole place. Like we expected, it was completely empty. The two of us were able to scrape out some lone food from a couple of shelves and some first aid materials. I felt strange about exploring a stranger's house as if it were my own. It looked like the place had been thoroughly searched as there were no traces of any expensive items and things like jewelry boxes were left open and empty.

I wondered who had lived here before and what happened to them. There were no signs of any actual violence inside of here, so maybe they simply decided to leave for a safer place and took all of their luxurious items. I could only hope though. There were a few framed pictures lying around: it had been an extended family of two parents, one of which was pregnant in a couple of the photos, three children, and a set of grandparents. They looked stiff.

To our luck, Kellin and I found a lockable bedroom and located the matching key. We could lock ourselves in from the inside and no one could come in without us hearing something. This meant that, for the first time in what felt like years, both of us could get a full night of sleep without having to stay up and watch over one another. The idea gave me so much relief.

"I hope you don't mind but there's only one bed, so we're going to have to share," Kellin said kindly when we had collected as many resources as we could and retreated into the room.

"It's fine," I grumbled, still in an awfully low mood. Sitting on a soft bed felt like touching heaven, and lying down on it felt like floating on a cloud. The mattress was so comfortable I could have fallen asleep right then and there. I probably would have too if not for Kellin reminding me of the medical supplies we had acquired which we could treat my shoulder wound with.

My friend smiled encouragingly as I got into a better position, stripped off the top half of my clothes, and let him lean over while working on my arm. I was fairly sure he had no idea what he was doing but even the biggest of imbeciles understood the concept of: stop the bleeding, disinfect it, wrap the wound. Those jobs did not require a doctor; someone with a vague practice in hand-eye coordination could easily pull it off and Kellin was a smart kid, he knew what he was doing.

It finally dawned on me how much this one person was helping me. He was staying grounded and level-headed while I was being emotional and having breakdowns every other day. Sometimes I felt like a nuisance as, essentially, I barely did a thing for him whereas he was always so keen to assist me in anything. I was also always constantly bringing down his mood to match my own, although he was such a happy person.

"Thank you for everything," I said all of a sudden, surprising myself as much as Kellin. "Like always 'elping, and puttin' up wi' me."

"I am not 'putting up with you', I enjoy being around you," the boy smiled, leaning down closer to examine my wound. I felt his breath on my lips and winced when he poured something onto the tear.

"But I'm always puttin' you down. You're so 'appy and I'm constantly ruinin' that for you," I said, feeling exposed from the things I was saying, but they needed to be said.

"Really, it is fine. You never put me down, you just give me a reality check. I tend to be over optimistic, but sometimes ignoring the facts and thinking positively is not the best thing to do. It's great to have someone who reminds me of how real all of this is."

"Maybe," I sighed. "I like it when you're 'appy though."

Kellin laughed a little, apparently finding that somewhat strange yet possibly endearing. I thought it was completely normal, as there was a clear correlation between his happiness and my feeling of comfort. Most of all, I just liked his smile and how it could brighten an entire room. It was pretty, like those of some of the men back home, but I liked his so much more anyway.

Kellin had finished wrapping up my wound and, as soon as he was done, I expected him to sit back up, but he did not. Instead, he stayed leaned down over me with his breath over my lips. He did not say a word and just looked at me as if I was the most interesting thing to him. I stared at him confusedly, wondering what he was doing.

"You make me happy," he whispered.

Kellin's eyes flicked shut and he moved even lower, until his lips touched mine. That was all it was: a little, innocent, sweet kiss. But, if it was so small, how could it make me feel such great things?

The first thing I experienced was an immense feeling of satisfaction, as if I had subconsciously been waiting for this moment for a long time. Everything negative which I had been thinking about - the insecurity, uncertainties, regret - was all washed away and replaced with thoughts of the one person who was my only source of happiness: Kellin.

His lips were so soft, like cushions touching my own, yet I was frozen and unable to move. Kellin did not want to take this any further yet and neither did I, so we just stayed there like that, with our lips touching, for a few more seconds until he pulled away.

I just looked at him and he looked at me (we did that a lot), both unsure of what to say, before I blurted out the first paranoid thing which came to my head.

"W-we can't do that, it's wrong. We could get punished so badly. It's against the law."

I was yearning for him all over again, but my common sense was finally coming into play. Back home, doing this could be punishable by years in prison, or even death. I wanted him, I needed him, but every ounce of common sense in my body was pushing him away. I liked men, most of all I liked Kellin, but possibly dying was not worth it.

"Vic, we're at war," Kellin said sincerely, yet slightly amused by my reaction. He did not move even an inch away from me. "There are no laws here, on the battlefield they don't care whether you like men or women, they'll shoot you either way. We've got nothing to lose. This might be the only chance we get so, please - please - don't waste it."

My face softened at his words. He could be right. Either one of us could die at any moment - someone could probably even throw a grenade through the window right now and have both of us down within seconds. Here with Kellin was the first time I had kissed a boy and one thing I was sure of was that I enjoyed it. There was no way that I would go far with him any time soon, but what we were doing right now was more than fine by me.

Seeing my change of expression from a worried one to an inviting one, Kellin was quick to lean down once again and capture my lips with his own.

And that was how we spent some time: lying in the bed of a raided house, having the door locked as we could be killed at any moment, but feeling our worries slowly disappear into thoughts of each other as we kissed until the sky turned dark.